The NFL Draft is this weekend and I need an ice-cold shower after reading the profiles of the draftees on NFL.com. The analysis of their bodies had me thinking I had stumbled instead onto Craigslist M4M postings.
A Craigslist post would have someone describing their “sexy and defined body with a bubble tight butt.” Leave out “sexy” and the NFL.com profiles aren’t much different (but certainly more accurate than most personals descriptions). Take this 2007 look at Sabby Piscitelli (photo), a safety from Oregon State drafted by Tampa Bay:
Has a defined, angular frame with the growth potential to add more bulk without any decrease in his impressive quickness … Possesses a V-shaped torso with a well-defined upper body, good bubble, developed calves and good chest thickness.
Pretty hot. All that is needed is a Santonio Holmes nude shower shot and you have your typical Manhunt or Big Muscle posting. Here are some my favorite descriptions of this year’s draft class:
Vernon Gholston, DE
Has a well-built frame with a wide back, broad shoulders, V-shaped torso, large hands, long limbs, defined muscles throughout and thick thighs and calves.
Carlton Powell, DT
Possesses solid muscle tone in his lower body, with wide hips, broad shoulders and good muscle tone in his arms.
Brian Bonner, S
Has a muscular frame with good development in his arms shoulders and chest, along with thick thighs and calves, a tight waist and abdomen and good bubble.
Tyrell Johnson, FS
Has a muscular, cut up upper and lower body physique with good arm length, large hands, lean waist, muscular legs and room on his frame to add more bulk.
Josh Barrett, S
Has a tall frame with decent overall muscle definition and long arms, but appears a bit lean in the lower body.
Colt Brennan, QB
Has a tall, lanky frame, with good upper-body structure, tapered thighs and room to carry additional bulk.
Darren McFadden, RB
Has a solid, thick build with tapered thighs and calves, athletic physique with a tight waist and hips, low body fat and defined upper body.
Jonathan Goff, LB
Has a wide chest, broad shoulders, flat back, tight abdomen, large hands and very good arm length.
Matt Ryan, QB
Has a tall frame with good muscle tone and, while a bit lean, he has the frame to carry at least another 10 pounds of bulk.
Chad Henne, QB
Has a thick lower-body frame, with good muscle tone in his thighs and calves.
Chauncey Washington, RB
Has a solid frame with good upper body muscle tone, wide waist and hips and thick thighs and calves
Anthony Morelli, QB
Has a tall frame with good muscle tone, especially in the upper body. … Needs to develop calf and thigh muscles.
Jabari Arthur, WR
Has good upper body muscle development and mass, with room to add more bulk, especially in the trapezoid and neck area.
Matt Forte, RB
Has a well-built frame with thick thighs and calves, V-shaped upper torso with muscular arms, tight abdomen and broad shoulders.
Jared Armstrong, P
Has a thick frame with good upper body muscle tone, thick lower body with wide thighs and solidly built calves and big hands.
Tom Zbikowski, S
Has a lean but muscular frame with good shoulder width, thick chest, tight midsection, muscular arms and thick thighs and calves.
Craig Steltz, S
Has a well-built frame with good muscle tone, a thick back and chest and tapered thighs and calves.
–Jim Buzinski
on Apr 23rd, 2008 at 7:26 PM
lol when he is saying “good bubble” is he talking bubble butt? WEIRD!!!
on Apr 23rd, 2008 at 8:00 PM
That’s exactly what it means.
on Apr 23rd, 2008 at 8:21 PM
It was fun imagining what those football players look like via their descriptions.
on Apr 24th, 2008 at 11:27 AM
who is that god of a man in the picture? day-um
on Apr 24th, 2008 at 11:08 PM
The NFL.com profile of Sabby has me intrigued. I want to see his bubble now in some spandex.
on Apr 24th, 2008 at 11:58 PM
i love that beaver (piscetelli). so vain. but oh so hot
on Apr 27th, 2008 at 11:58 AM
Ha! ‘Good bubble’ is mentioned for Bonner also. So is ‘good bubble’ actually an advantage in terms of athletics now? Better balance maybe? More shock absorption from tackles? Or is it just important to fill out the spandex as well as possible for the sake of ratings and ticket sales? I can’t really argue with that, of course.
on Jan 31st, 2009 at 12:49 AM
OMG. What a body it like I’m in heat when I look at him DAMMMMMMMMMM!