On our Discussion Board, a man who says he is a closeted high school basketball coach, is seeking advice in dealing with his situation.
I am a closeted high school basketball coach, but also a leader in the sports community. I serve as the president of the area coaches association and am also a state and national rep. … I do feel that I could be a great leader in the community once I come out, but am wavering. I’m really not sure how high school kids and parents would react if they found out.
Realistically I do not have many gay friends, so I am looking to find a community to be a part of and eventually move on with my life. Let me know what you guys think.
Our readers always have thoughtful things to offer in these cases, so go to the board and have your say.
on Jan 12th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
My first advise is to make sure that you have the support of the gay community in your area. If and when you come out they will be who you need to draw strengh with besides your family and friends.
You will find out who your friends are very fast. This is actually a good thing as you do not need to be around those who would find one small thing as a way to treat you differently.
Being gay is not that big of deal if you don’t make it a big deal. Your character as a person is far more important.
Also know that not everyone in the sports world or in life is accepting. Especially those who we refer to ‘old school’. Those people have much more to deal with then you being gay. Just like in grammer school not everyone is going to like you so do not put that much energy in them.
I believe in the 1/3 rule. 1/3 will be accepting 1/3 will not and 1/3 are on the fence. This is in most things so stop wasting your time with the 1/3 that are not accepting.
You will teach many by your action. Be true to yourself.
In the beginning you will feel like a hamster in a cage. Many people will be looking at you to see how you are and how you behave. To them you are like the new kid on the block even though they already know you. This is why you have to be true to yourself.
Don’t put yourself in slippery situations that can be misreprested in the beginning. In the long run your will be happier and you will see that the kids will be the most supportive.
The older adults will be sometimes stupid. Use humor. That often throws them off track and levels the field fast. It is easier to laugh things off then to get into a confrontation.
You will know when you need to stand up for yourself and it will help to have your students, facilty, parents and the gay community behind you.
Those of us that are out in the work place know that what you precieve to be such a big deal is often not. We let our over active imagination take over. Than we find out that we have been beating ourselves us for nothing. Just be yourself and you will be fine.
on Jan 12th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
The advice from the blog of “dipping a toe in the pool to check the temperature instead of diving into the deep end head long” is probably the best 1st move. This dudes business might suffer depending on where in the US he lives. My dad (WWII vet)and members of his generation (and the sons they raised) felt “homosexuals” were pedophiles. Things have come a long ways since then but not nearly far enough. I am not out at work. If I did get outed so be it but for now I am comfortable w/the situation. I know of no other openly gay/bi male in the PNW who works for Dept. of Interior. Knowing my co-workerds and particularly management I wouldn’t be invited to the lunches, golf games, racket ball, poker nights, beers after work, scotch and cigar nights, etc. that some real important elements of my job get discussed such as a new high profile project is coming in that would have a nice bonus attached to it or lead to a promotion. My career would have suffered due to homophobia. I don’t like that but me being out wouldn’t change that either.