We introduced you earlier this week to Spencer Duhm, the latest gay-athlete contestant on ‘Survivor.’ Thpenther apparently isn’t of the “live and let live” gay variety; he’s of the “gay men shouldn’t act ‘gay’” variety. He doesn’t like gay men who lisp, he doesn’t like gay men who openly have crushes on straight guys; In fact, I’m surprised Thpenther’s last name isn’t Haggard as he thanks God he doesn’t ’sound gay’:
I don’t, like, come across, like, most of the gay guys but I am, so I’ll probably be, like-but then again, JP was gay and nobody knew that on the show; he was about the straightest I’ve ever seen. … But I won’t be Todd, I surely won’t be Coby. I won’t be Charlie. Holy shit. I talked to my parents and I was like, ‘Mom, do I sound like that?’ she was like, ‘Sweetheart, no, I would never let you go out in public if you sounded like that.’ Thank God.
Like, totally.
Oh, and by the way, have you seen any clips of Thpenther talking? Girlfriend is gayer than he thinks.
Thpenther was also pissed about last season’s Charlie Herschel, who he claims embarrassed himself with his crush on fellow competitor Marcus.
Like, leave the man alone. Ugh. It just baffles me. Every time he opens his mouth it’s just like ‘I love Marcus, Marcus is great. I feel protective when he’s around. I feel nervous when he’s not around.’ It’s kind of like alright you have a serious crush on him. This isn’t jokin. Stop. Just stop. I’m embarrassed for him. I know he’s gotta be sitting at home embarrassed, red-faced.
Other genius revelations by the 19-year-old:
On being an alternate for the show: “I’m praying for somebody to have some sort of psychological breakdown or a freak injury. Like, I’m thinking about pushing somebody off the edge.”
On almost not making it on the show: “They have to have diversity, they have to people who are going to be apathetic, they have to have people who are sheltered, racial diversity. So I understand. It’s hard, yes, very hard. I just don’t see why I can’t have my spot, why I’m missing from the puzzle.”
On his Univ. of Florida crew team: “We walk around in spandex bottoms-shirtless, spandex, nobody cares. We have ripped guys on my team, but I’m not like *boing* all day long.”
Thpenther, your lisp may be minimal, but please, for your own sake, stop talking!!
I really liked Charlie. I’d met him before, he is a sweet guy, he’s genuine, and he’s really warm and welcoming. But about Thpenther, I couldn’t have said it better than Thpenther himself when he talked to Reality Blurred:
If there’s nobody else to vote out, just vote out the immature kid.
Hat tip to Towleroad and Reality Blurred.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 8:39 am
I think its great that there is a a guy like SPencer on Survivor, FINALLY! I have been so sick of seeing feminine gay contestants because not every gay guy is like that. I think if more of the public saw people like SPencer, they would be more open to gay people. Just like the gay pride parades on the local news.. what do they show…. the DRAG QUEENS!
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 9:47 am
For “lisp,” you mean “assibiliation” (interdental fricatives are not swapped in for sibilants), and actually quite a few homosexualists find the gay accent offputting and repulsive. Go, Spencer.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 10:41 am
I watched and listened to the clip. The only unusual thing that I heard was how the lady pronounced the word chance with a long A vowel sound. She wants a CHAINCE!
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Repulsive?
I just don’t get this attitude. Very sad. As long as people are being themselves, I love it. I wonder if Spencer is being himself or putting on an act. Hopefully he won’t last long.
I’d much rather see someone who’s stereotypically gay and is themselves than someone who’s “masculine” and “straight-acting” and is doing just that: Acting.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Cyd, why do you assume he’s acting? There are lots of gay guys out there who naturally have masculine mannerisms, myself included.
And what’s wrong with his quote about his rowing team? Do you WANT him to be aroused by his teammates?
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
I agree with everyone else, sorry Cyd. It’s a relief to see this kind of gay man in the public eye, which will hopefully help people get a better (and more acceptable) image of us.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Agree with Cyd. I like masculine gay guys as well, but Spencer is full of himself and demeans other gays in the process. Sorry every gay guy doesn’t live up to your standards Spence.
As for putting down Charlie Herschel, that’s laughable. Charlie was one of the most likeable and classy contestants in Survivor history - as vouched for by Jeff Probst.
Time to find someone other than the ‘gay guy’ to cheer for on this year’s Survivor. Tyson, the professional cyclist who stripped naked in the first episode, is a definite possibility!
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
So he doesn’t want people to think of him as gay or stereotype him or something, but then he says this…
“They have to have diversity, they have to people who are going to be apathetic, they have to have people who are sheltered, racial diversity. So I understand. It’s hard, yes, very hard. I just don’t see why I can’t have my spot, why I’m missing from the puzzle.”
…so isn’t he now not only wanting to be thought of as “the gay one” but he wants a spot on the show based on that very fact and not on other factors?
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
I never said it was bad to have masculine gay men on TV. Showing diversity is great. I always love seeing people who are themselves. But this attitude that effeminate gay men shouldn’t be on TV is gross, and Thpenther’s statements about it are disgusting to me.
And I never said he was acting! I simply wondered if he was acting (he himself used the term straight-ACTING).
I’ve found in the past that it’s often gay men who aren’t comfortable in their own skin or confident in their own masculinity who hate effeminate gay men, just as homophobes are so often the closeted ones. “Thou doth protest too much” and all.
I just want people to be themselves. Thpenther and others who spew his mean-spirited nonsense want people to act. And that’s very, very sad to me.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Ok Cyd, no offense but you are obviously an effeminate gay man. I think that I speak for a lot of masculine gay men who are honestly sick and tired of seeing another fem guy portrayed on television. I know that I for one feel that the masculine gay man is extremely under represented in television. I understand your argument about people acting, and also that some of Cyd’s comments may be construed as insensitive. However, I believe that Spencer’s presence on the show as a different kind of gay man is a breath of fresh air.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
I dont consider lisping or “limp wrists” as natural. It is a learned behavior. Same with lesbians who act like men…both things seem to defeat the purpose, if you are a lesbian you obviously enjoy femininity, why act masculine? Too much of it seems forced.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Wow. This is an interesting thread. Ted, have you ever met Cyd or hung out with him? I don’t think of him as effeminate in the least…
not that there is anything wrong with that.
To say that someone who defends effeminate guys “must be effeminate” is like people accusing someone of being gay because they stand up for gay rights. It’s a tired tactic at this point.
“Effeminate guys” can’t hide who they are so guess what? They are the ones who face the most amount of discrimination whether that’s getting beaten up throughout school as a kid or losing your job because you “act” a certain way. Effeminate guys are the ones who trail-blazed, along with the transgendered community to fight for the gay rights you are benefiting from. I’m not an effeminate guy, but when you start saying people being themselves is “gross” you are just as bad as heterosexuals saying the same thing about you because you suck cock even though you “act like a man”.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
When Jim and Cyd first posted about Spenser Duhm, I applauded him for being out. I still do. His comments are regrettable and wrong. He is also 19. Though he may be a legal adult, Spenser has a lot of growing up to do. He needs to be educated about the incredible diversity that is life, gay or straight. And I hope he learns how gender is constructed by society.
To give him the benefit of doubt, could it be that Spenser is talking “trash?” I’ve never been a fan of “Survivor,’because it pits individuals against one another in order to survive, rather than work together. So it may be that he is playing himself up as macho, or “straight-acting,” wrong-headed though that may be. This may be the case of an individual shaped by circumstance.
Again, he’s 19. let’s not invest too much of our aspirations in him. It’s a great deal of weight.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Because I don’t place my personal self-worth on how gay men are portrayed on TV, that makes me effeminate? I so love how people jump to conclusions. Thanks for the chuckle ted, that’s a great one!
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 8:08 am
When I was Spencer’s age I was in the deep recesses of the closet because I could be. I was athletic and masculine. As I started experimenting with guys, I knew they had to be like me. Masculine, into sports and not demonstrative in public. Someone I could bring home to my friends and family and have them say, he seems normal so we’ll approve of this relationship.
That way of thought caused me to break up with someone I had a real connection with. When we were alone together, I was in heaven. You couldn’t ask for a sweeter guy with the most amazing body. The best part was that he absolutely adored me.
But when we were in public, my friends and I were embarrassed so I eventually broke up with him. I really, really regret that. Sorry Ron. But I knew I’d find someone else just as good that fit the mold I thought I wanted.
Well I celebrated V-Day alone yesterday. With wine, pizza and World of Warcraft. And not even a good wine. But got my Undead Warlock to level 70. So there’s that.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Finally, we get a masculine gay role model. Too often, especially on reality shows, we get the gushing, gay stereotype who either chases the straight guy, dies his hair pink or runs around bare-assed. This is the image that homophobes are used to and expect. On the other hand, they feel threatened by the guy who looks and acts like them but just happens to be gay. Gay is just another attribute like being left-handed for a lot of people who don’t want to be in your face about their sexuality like you do, Cyd. As an athlete AND a former rower I wish Spencer was there when I was younger. I would have come out sooner. Cyd, stop with the lame affront already.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 9:50 am
People actually look to reality TV for role models? That’s probably the scariest thing I’ve read in this thread.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Wow!
There is a lot of hate and ignorance brewing in this forum.
There is nothing wrong with all gay types- whatever is whatever.
However, people are missing the point that Cyd is making… this kid is ignorant/immature and doesn’t understand the full spectrum of the gay culture. Also with the history of gay culture- he isn;t old enough to realize it was the Thpethers that brought our rights to the forefront.
Lisping and limp wrists are learned behaviors? Really- where is the science behind that? Maybe you are under the believe that homosexuality is only a choice with no biological or genetic aspect?
And there have been many aspects of gay men and women portrayed on TV- straight-acting or not- this is nothing new.
But this kids opinions are unacceptable- its akin to a light-skinned African American or Indian thinking that those with darker skin-tones are less acceptable….
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
What I find disgusting, Cyd, is your insistence on writing the man’s name as “Thpenther.” Can’t you disagree with what he said without resorting to sophomoric name-calling? It makes you seem even more immature than he may be. You’re supposedly running a professional website here aren’t you? Well, it doesn’t seem so, when one of the articles is riddled with this ridiculousness. It also reminds me, in a very disturbing way, of all the straight jocks in high school who went around mocking the boys who didn’t live up to their “ideals.” It was wrong in that instance, and it is wrong in this one.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
I’ll reply to Kick.
“There is nothing wrong with all gay types.”
That is absolutely true. However, there is a big difference between saying that there is “nothing wrong” with something and wanting to be part of it. For instance, there is nothing wrong with being goth, or emo, or anything like that; however, it creates a mismatch with my personality, and thus I would be unlikely to seek these people out as friends.
In other words, Spencer isn’t saying that it’s “bad” or “wrong” to be effeminate. He’s just saying that he isn’t, and that he doesn’t think that his sexuality *requires* him to support it.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Let me clarify what I just said.
There are certain traits in people that others may not appreciate. It is the role of the gay rights movement to make sure that sexual orientation is NOT one of those. It is NOT the role of the gay rights movement to prevent people from judging others based on what they do or how they act.
In a utopian world, everybody would love everybody, there’d be no war or hunger, and disease would be a thing of the past. Unfortunately, that is not a world in which we live. Not everybody is compatible with everyone else. I am going to boldly assert that it is acceptable on a personal level to desire masculinity, at least insomuch as we care about gay rights.
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 12:39 am
One would hope that we could judge people by the content of their character, not the quality of their “S” pronunciation or the flimsiness of their wrists. Apparently that’s too much to ask.
Spencer should STFU about his personal philosophy of what it means to be gay and (supposedly) masculine. No one cares. The fact that he claims to shut out an entire group of people because of their innate mannerisms is disgusting and he will likely learn to regret it later.
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 2:13 am
What a load of crock. Cyd has every single right to call this guy Thpenther. Why? Easy, Spencer is so deluded in the thought he’s straight acting.
I’m sorry, but the term straight acting a grossly immature term. If you’re acting per se, then you must be some really big queen under the act. The correct term would be straight seeming, where you seem and come across straight because you don’t share some of the less wanted attribute your “stereotypical” gay man has.
The part where he thanks god he doesn’t come across gay is wild. Personally, I have little faith in religion but I do believe there is someone out there. Not only can my ears pick up variations in Spencer’s voice but I can erase him out of my memory and just hear his recording an assume he’s gay because of the trebling in his voice. He’s 19, immature, dumb, stupid, you name it.
Personally I don’t support any organization that takes pride in portraying gay men and women in their known stereotypes. This hurts so many teens and adults who are just coming to terms with their sexuality that it’s just a huge friggin’ discouragement. Hell, even I wondered only nearly a year ago how it could be so because I’m more masculine then Thpenther thinks he is. I seriously wondered what I did to deserve something that people wouldn’t understand because they know my baseline behavioral patterns.
Spencer needs to take the stick out of his butt and touch base with reality. He’s a negative image for the gay or straight community at this point.
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 9:56 am
An interesting conversation. I used to think just like Spencer, but somehow I started hanging out with an effeminate gay man in college, and, although I was often embarrassed to be around him at first, over the years I have come to know him as the strongest man I know–period. The things about my friend that are effeminate are not things that he is “putting on,” they are just the way he is, and I’m proud of him for being himself despite how it sometimes makes his life difficult. I do think we need more masculine gay reality show contestants, but that doesn’t mean I dislike the ones that aren’t masculine. Spencer’s attitude about “thank god I don’t sound like that queen” makes me dislike him, though, because he has judged that person only on this little trait that reveals nothing about character. The little traits that people call “masculine” and “effeminate” have nothing to do with true masculinity or femininity.
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Matt, I really enjoyed reading your post comment. I couldn’t agree more. The ones who forcefully put a show on can irritate many, including gays themselves. However, I have the up most respect for individuals who seemed to have it naturally. The hostility they face their entire lives would drive me insane personally.
on Feb 17th, 2009 at 4:47 am
There are times when I wish that someone the stature of Harvey Milk would step into my life just like Marshall McLuhan stepped into Woody Allen’s life while his & Diane Keaton’s characters waited in line for a classic film in Annie Hall. The clarifying definitive statement from an inspired visionary to correct the self-serving denigration of “different” homo folks by those of us too timid to buck the straight majority would be so ultimately clarifying about the depths that oppression has engendered self-loathing among so many homo men who loathe their fellow gay guys more than they find discomfort with the straight majority that demands conformity over individual expression. You dullards who take pride in how much you value “going with the flow” over true freedom for individual expression under the protection of the US Constitution, support the shame-based condescension of the merely “tolerant” homophobes who have so often intimidated gay folks into being “straight compliant” in order to gain the approval of an oppressive straight majority. Where is your self-respect as unique humans amongst the billions of us who are trying to be themselves despite the conformist pressures of political & religious oppression?
on Feb 18th, 2009 at 12:33 am
Spencer has every right to his opinion. I make no apologies… Over top effeminacy in men is a complete turn off for me, and I find it very annoying that so many gay men act more prissy than a 10 y/o school girl. I know some men are more effeminate than others, but there is no way anyone is going to convince me that this isn’t largely a learned behavior that many gay men learn from each other. I don’t know what the point of this behavior is and I don’t like it, largely because it perpetuates a negative stereotype for ALL gay men. I also don’t appreciate other gay men accusing me of “acting” or being a “gay hater” when I don’t engage in this stereotypical effeminate nonsense.
on Feb 18th, 2009 at 9:20 am
It’s too bad Spencer and many here feel it’s necessary to throw their GBLT brothers and sisters under the bus to secure acceptance by the larger straight community.
I think we should all be treated with respect, courtesy and kindness regardless whether we lisp, play football, wear the socially appropriate clothes or not. But maybe I’m just a radical.
Spencer’s comments just affirm the idea that it’s OK to be cruel to people who are gay but can’t “pass,” by affecting all the societally appropriate gender traits. Sad that so many here agree.
on Feb 18th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Joe, my friend and I had many conversations about whether or not he was acting a little bit. Turns out, he was exaggerating a little bit–he was just out, and he was testing out his identity. But he wasn’t masculine one day and then painted his room in pastels to start his new life. He was pretty effeminate already under the exaggeration. Through our talks, I think he became more comfortable with just being himself, and I could tell some behavior toned down. I can tell you from experience, though, that it’s not all a put-on or even mostly so. And what does he owe the straight people who bashed him in high school? Should he care about their comfort? I say be yourself, which usually includes a period of finding yourself. Don’t be one way because you think it is expected, though. The straights that hate us don’t hate us because we test gender roles sometimes, they hate us because we have sex with people of the same gender.
on Feb 18th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Reality TV is reality TV. People are told how to act by producers to pull in ratings, it’s not real. And “performative” gay people or black people with “big personalities” are seen as a draw to bring in viewers. Hence, Marsellus on Big Brother who is black and gay and over the top on the show but not that “fabulous” or “street” when you meet him in person. I disliked Queer Eye because it seemed that it was about a bunch of eager to please gay men helping straight people strengthen their marriages or increase their property value when we as a community don’t have the same rights as heterosexuals. I get how it can be annoying.
But the difference to me is people taking this representation issue and making it personal to others in our community. I used to have a poster on my door in college: “I Only Like Straight People If They Act Gay In Public”.
What’s funny is that even when we are trying to be most “hetero” by getting married and having families str8 people tell us that we are not equal to them = Prop 8. So I say live and let live because people will love you or hate you regardless of whether you are butch or fem.
P.S. - Just a random thought, what about Fem-Tops and Str8 Acting-Bottoms? Aren’t bottoms doing more damage because they aren’t real men? Who do we support in that situation?
on Feb 18th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
I find it ironic how come gays want people to accept them for who the are, but at the same time gays don’t accept other gays for who they are.
on Feb 18th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Sheesh. The kid is 19. Is he immature? Absolutely. Is he evil? No. (Where were you, vis-a-vis your sexuality, when you were his age?) Cyd’s “Haggard” comment is especially off-base, I think — he’s not making his comments from the safety of the closet, so he’s not a hypocrite on anywhere near that level.
What he *is*, is an openly gay guy on a national TV show who isn’t a flouncing queen or a fashionista, the only two kinds of gay men reality shows tend to show us (for the most part). I’m inclined to cut him a bit of slack. He has lots of time to mature and learn.
on Feb 18th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
I’m not turned on my queens but at the same time I don’t go around saying that there’s something wrong with queens. I think the differences here is that Thpenther is saying there is something wrong with being a queen.
If we go by saying that there’s something wrong with being a queen, then there’s something wrong with being gay. Homophobia doesn’t see queens and masculine gays; it just sees gays.
To say that Thpenther is “young” and doesn’t know what he is saying, when I was his age, I never thought there was something wrong with being a queen.
on Feb 19th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Just leave him alone. What is wrong with a real gay man that embrasses his manhood for change and does not say “girlfriend” all the time. Kudos to Spencer. There seems this double standard in the gay community. We need to show strong gay men and constantly that small percentage that makes us look like victims. Effeminity is a negative to acquiring full gay rights and respect. A man must be a man first and embrace that. Yes, we should be free to be who we are and be accepting, but we must maintain who are as guys, otherwise we will always be second class.
on Feb 19th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Let me see if I have this right. If a man is gay, he should lisp, prance, and jesticulate like a clown?
There are plenty of men who are gay. MEN is the operative here.
A man is first a man, then all the other facets of his personality. To be a man who happens to like other men does not mean he has to feel some need to “act” anything other than what he is–a man.
If you people would stop trying to fit everyone into some stereotype you might find more people willing to accept. You should be proud of a man who like other men that does not fit the typical. Perhaps you will open your minds in the way you want straights to open theirs.
on Feb 19th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Is there some reason he can’t be as manly as he wants without insulting those who don’t meet his high standards of masculinity? It was the drag queens and other effeminate MEN who fought back at Stonewall, after all. Their actions proved their manhood much better than someone going on a stupid reality TV show for their 15 minutes of infamy.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 12:12 am
For “lisp,” you mean “assibiliation” (interdental fricatives are not swapped in for sibilants), and actually quite a few homosexualists find the gay accent offputting and repulsive. Go, Spencer…
Homosexualists? Where did you come up with THAT one…
Hey, buddy, and all the rest of you buttfuckers who think it is cool to belittle your fellow gay men or women: if you are taking it up the ass or sucking it, you’re a fag…period…lisp or no lisp…so get off your ridiculous high horses about liking or disliking effeminate men…it was so-called “effeminate” men and drag queens who stood up to the cops at Stonewall, unlike the closet cases and the “fem haters” who sat back on their haunches…so all you fools with your hate on need to get a grip on reality.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 12:15 am
Cyd, why do you assume he’s acting? There are lots of gay guys out there who naturally have masculine mannerisms, myself included.
And why do you assume someone who is “effeminate” is acting…?
What gives you the right to judge whether someone acts feminine or masculine is inherently “better”…I think that is known as MISGOGYNY, last time I checked…
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 12:16 am
Cyd, why do you assume he’s acting? There are lots of gay guys out there who naturally have masculine mannerisms, myself included.
TYPOS FIXED…:
And why do you assume someone who is “effeminate” is acting…?
What gives you the right to judge whether if someone acts feminine or masculine it is inherently “better”…I think that is known as MISOGYNY, last time I checked.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 12:18 am
I find it ironic how come gays want people to accept them for who the are, but at the same time gays don’t accept other gays for who they are.
miamidude, you put it better than anyone here…it’s called self-hatred, and some will deny it, but it is clear that’s what some suffer from.
Whether someone is the most screaming queen or the butchest stud, they are ALL part of what it means to be gay, and neither is better or worse than the other.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 12:27 am
I dont consider lisping or “limp wrists” as natural. It is a learned behavior. Same with lesbians who act like men…both things seem to defeat the purpose, if you are a lesbian you obviously enjoy femininity, why act masculine? Too much of it seems forced.
A “butch” routine is seen through by more people than even a feminine routine at times, and looks as affected as anything you claim about a feminine guy…like I said earlier, if you are top or bottom, as long as you’re getting it from a man, whether you are masculine or feminine in your mannerisms is COMPLETELY irrelevant, and your level of masculinity or femininity only matters to people hung up on such things…yeah. I like other masculine guys, duh, but I don’t put down feminine guys, nor do I buy this crap that masculine gay men are underrepresented on TV…maybe it’s because most of the time they are a boring lot as much as their heterosexual counterparts…their dullness has little to offer TV audiences.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 12:34 am
Is there some reason he can’t be as manly as he wants without insulting those who don’t meet his high standards of masculinity? It was the drag queens and other effeminate MEN who fought back at Stonewall, after all. Their actions proved their manhood much better than someone going on a stupid reality TV show for their 15 minutes of infamy.
Joe, you are so right…there is no reason to insult those who took the beatings, took the catcalls from the cops back in ‘69. and stood up and showed what it REALLY means to be tough…there were guys like some of you here back then who didn’t want to get involved, who didn’t want to be associated with all those queens taking a stand…I guess you didn’t see MILK, obviously…Harvey was not butch, but he did more to help the gay community than a lot of so-called “butch” men who refused to do anything except belittle effeminate guys and hide in the closet.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 12:39 am
What he *is*, is an openly gay guy on a national TV show who isn’t a flouncing queen or a fashionista, the only two kinds of gay men reality shows tend to show us (for the most part). I’m inclined to cut him a bit of slack. He has lots of time to mature and learn.
Sorry, no slack allowed.
If gay men can’t even treat each other with respect, regardless of whether we find someone’s mannerisms appealing or repellent, then how do you expect anyone else to accept you?
I don’t get this whole desire to “fit in”…who are you trying to fit in with? Boring heterosexual couples? Dull suburbanites? Monotonous, bland, dull, uninteresting men?
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 12:44 am
As an athlete AND a former rower I wish Spencer was there when I was younger. I would have come out sooner. Cyd, stop with the lame affront already…
So, you, as an athlete and former rower, are somehow superior to the guy who becomes a ballet dancer, or a fashion designer, or a scientist, or a dentist, or an electrician…sorry, you don’t get any extra credits in my book…athletes have gotten way too much bonus points in this life, and, as it turns out, many times they set a bad example…so don’t try to impress anyone with who you have been.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 2:33 am
There really wasn’t a need to flood the board up, MCE.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 2:47 am
Wow. Fascinating discussion. But I have to be 100 percent on the side of Cyd here. This kid is obviously extremely immature. His comments are offensive. Reading these comments to the blog posting really opens my eyes to the issues that divide our community. We are way to hung up on stereotypes and how gay men will be perceived in society by straight men based on who’s on TV and how they act or who’s on the news and how they act. Frankly, who cares what straight people think anymore. My question, do you like yourself the way you are? If you do then you are way ahead of the game. It will open your mind to acceptance of all kinds of gay guys, whether effeminate, in the middle, butch, whatever. Straight acting or effeminate, I like all kinds of fellow gays. Diversity is what makes our community close knit, fun, unique and a thrill to be a part of. Why we insist on dissing certain of our brethren is beyond me. All I would say to Spencer is, hey look at your quotes, do you want to rethink them. Is that really what you believe. If so, how can we help you transition to being more opened minded. And then leave it at that.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Alright - I think I fall on both sides of the fence. There are effeminant gay guys and then there are gay guys who ‘act’ effeminant. Hell, I go down that path every once in awhile when I’m around a gaggle of gays. I think what he’s going towards here is that the media FOCUSES on the effeminancy of gay men and rarely show, or focus on, non-effeminant gay men. It’s kind of like Pride parades, you always see the drag queens on the news.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Then Spencer and everyone else should be attacking the MEDIA for doing a lousy job.
on Feb 21st, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Hey, MCE. Since when do GAY athletes get “too much bonus points” in this life?? What planet are you on? If you want to be a ballerina, be my guest. But don’t go slammin’ athletes. We’re not trying to impress anyone. We don’t have an agenda like you do. We’re just doing what we do best - whether its competing in a regatta or playing in a softball league. Get over your it, dude.
on Mar 26th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Spencer was def one of my favorites on this season and im sad to see him go:( when it comes to the whole stereotypical gay thing im also happy that there was a gay man that wasn’t so clearly gay because there are guys out there like that but you usually dont see that side but I also love charlie and im not sure how much i believe spencer’s “comments”