Brent, who has taken photos for Outsports for years, was at UCLA Friday to shoot the Rafer Johnson / Jackie Joyner-Kersee Invitational track meet. On the way back to his car he came across some UCLA lacrosse players and found out they were playing a game Saturday against Claremont, located in eastern L.A. County. Taking a break from track the next day, he watched some of the first half and then halftime and was shocked by what he heard:
They got their halftime chalk talk, and did their rev-up “Go Team” yell, followed by a couple of “Let’s go kill those faggots!” and “Let’s go get those f***ing faggots!” which just stunned me. And as they were walking back to their sideline, one player said to another, “besides … they’ve got blacks too.”
It’s hard to know how prevalent it is on the team, or if the majority wouldn’t agree but are afraid to say anything lest it seem like they too are somehow a faggot. Either way, no player or coach — all within easy earshot — countered it. This reminded me of what often goes on whenever you look around and see that no one of the potentially offended group — women, minorities, gays etc. — are in earshot and you can spout your bigotry not only fearlessly, but as a sign of your superior status and machismo.
It was the particular tight sequence that really got to me — the two “faggot” comments yelled in a row, and immediately following as they head back, the “they’ve got blacks” aside from one player to the other. I’m sure that UCLA would view an intramural situation like that to be pretty bad, but when they’re wearing UCLA uniforms [lacrosse is a club sport], you would think they’d have some responsibility.
Brent was not sure if the two “faggot” comments were uttered by one or two players. He e-mailed one of the players he met (who did not make any disparaging remarks) and asked about the comments Brent heard and got this response:
I’m not extremely surprised to hear words like faggot during the game. It’s not a pretty thing, but the young kids will sometimes use those words in the heat of the game. Our coach began making us doing push ups for all profanities uttered during practice, in order to increase our self control. By the time the players become juniors and seniors, that stuff is mostly done with.
Brent asked some follow-up questions, but the player never responded.
In publishing Outsports, it has seemed to me that progress of the acceptance of gays in sports has come in the mode of two steps forward, three-quarters step back” and it’s incidents like this that always cause a shake of the head at how much progress still has to be made. I know that such utterances are commonplace in sports, but think people need to be called out when they make them.
The homophobia and racism displayed by players living in the one of the most diverse cities on the planet and attending a diverse campus is disgusting and saddening. It is also ironic that these comments were made on the same campus that was holding a track meet named after Rafer Johnson and Jackie Joyner-Kersee, two of the most groundbreaking black athletes in history. I am not sure why I thought lacrosse might be more enlightened, but it is always telling how people talk when they think no one is listening.
Update: From a comment below, that puts the team in a bit more context:
“FYI, the Lacross team is NOT sponsored by UCLA Athletics so your contact information is incorrect. It is a club sport that is managed by Cultural & Recreational Affairs.
“It doesn’t excuse the homophobia but I just want to make a point that this isn’t an UCLA Athletics team and there isn’t anything UCLA Athletics could do.”
The UCLA lacrosse team at halftime vs. Claremont.
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 1:07 AM
Hi Jim, after reading about the young boy this week that was so bullied at school he committed suicide and now this article just so saddens me! Especially for all the reasons you mentioned. I think you should send your comments on to the athletic dept and just maybe it might get some attention. dk
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 1:19 AM
I’m just going to make this straight forward.
I don’t like it. I think these guys just have some confidence issues they really need to work out. I mean, lacrosse sticks are big. So is that compensating for something or did their gf’s (assuming they do have one) made a joke about them being touchy, overly affectionate, etc.
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 7:33 AM
This will not end until those within the group who do not condon it have the courage to speak up despite the still apparently strong threat of being isolated from the team as a “fag” or “n-lover”. True the terms are not used openly to denigrate the “offenders” of those unwritten common codes that are so important to team bonding and spirit, but their actions in the lockerrooms and in the false security of racial and orientation homogeneity, do speak. The “real men” on the team must have courage to take the inititiative. That is the only way we progress.
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 10:56 AM
Every single lacrosse match in history has included men who have sex with other men.
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 11:56 AM
Those glorified club lax players with a 4-7 record sure are macho men, huh?
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 1:59 PM
I’m disappointed that it would UCLA players that would say this. I would be disappointed if anyone did, but this put strong shame on the bruins
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 4:14 PM
I’ve actually played against the UCLA lacrosse team many times in college. I feel bad for them because they never have a solid team…or win often. Oh did I mention it’s a club lax team. Wrong they used the word “faggot”, but it’s more of a maturity thing. They need a better word to pump themselves up.
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 5:00 PM
Moving on to more important matters….did you get an pics of players w/ their shirts off?!! Lax players are so smokin hot!
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 5:31 PM
No one should be surprised by douchebaggery from lacrosse players, described by one DC blogger as the “rapiest of sports” (http://whyihatedc.blogspot.com/2006/08/analysis-of-local-college-rankings.html)
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 5:44 PM
What do you expect from a Bruin? Fight On!
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 6:45 PM
Who are they letting in to UCLA these days?
Send your comments to UCLA Athletic Department regarding Lacrosse team’s homophobia & racism.
These are the addresses at UCLA athletic department that will actually be read by someone.
cto@be.ucla.edu
recruit@athletics.ucla.edu
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 9:21 PM
I’m happy to boycott UCLA sports.
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 11:09 PM
Find it a bit hard to believe they’d just randomly shout this with a crowd of people around, or maybe I am misunderstanding the article. Either way, at the end of the day, its just a word said by a dumbass.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 4:29 AM
I have a friend who is the jock, frat guy, a man’s man, ESPN 24/7. His Myspace said he can’t stand ‘faggots.’ This is a guy who had been alone with me in my house, tossing a few back. When we run into each other we exchange ‘bro hugs,’ then he always inquires about my boyfriend. I also have a relationship with his son, in one emergency situation, he dropped his 4 year old off at my house when his baby sitter didn’t show.
Somehow, he never made the connection between his posting and me.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 9:40 AM
FYI, the Lacross team is NOT sponsored by UCLA Athletics so your contact information is incorrect. It is a club sport that is managed by Cultural & Recreational Affairs.
It doesn’t excuse the homophobia but I just want to make a point that this isn’t an UCLA Athletics team and there isn’t anything UCLA Athletics could do.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 1:11 PM
Randy Boyde is correct. The stats indicate 1 in 10 men are gay so theres a gay man in every crew of more than 9. College lacross, hockey and wrestling (amongst other sports) appeal to and attract guys who are ‘mos or are figuring it out and experimenting. My personal experience from way back in Jr. college (I went to 3 of them) in the early ’80s (got kicked out of 2)in Upstate NY 1/2 the team was 3 beers and they’re queer. I was friends and house mates w/many lacross players and at each school a large contingent of the team would get naked and fool around just soon as the beers kicked in. The same dude who was smoking your pole the night before would be throwing around the “f” bomb the next day. That was also prior to the average college student taking the HIV risk seriously. By the time I got to Syracuse in ’84 the AIDS epidemic was in full force, exeryone was afraid of sex and the blame was laid at the feet of the queers. It seems like homophobia and homophobic actions went exponential after that.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 2:14 PM
I feel this is a gross misuse of your journalistic access. Being both a former lacrosse player, and current member of the media. Being on the field for a sporting event is a privilege, not a right. I have been on many a sideline during pro and college sporting events and overheard profanities, racism, etc. The player in question is almost always a bad apple. By lumping the rest of the team and coaches into this is reckless.
What were you even doing covering the lacrosse game? You said yourself that the college gave you a media pass for the Track meet. Did that pass also grant you access to the Lacrosse game? I would bet my life it didn’t.
I am NOT coming to the defense of one or two alleged racists.
I am coming to the defense of the hundreds of other team members, coaches, alumni and administrators who now will have to defend themselves. Think about all the other people who you have unintentionally defamed as well.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 3:47 PM
It does not matter what team this was. Their comments are horrible,and it should be told the right people who sponsor them.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 4:09 PM
Lacrosse Fan>>
So you are coming to the defense of people who sat idly by while their teammates made homophobic and racist comments. What a knight in shining armor!
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 4:28 PM
“What were you even doing covering the lacrosse game? You said yourself that the college gave you a media pass for the Track meet. Did that pass also grant you access to the Lacrosse game? I would bet my life it didn’t.”
For the record: This was a PUBLIC event at a PUBLIC, taxpayer-funded facility.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 6:22 PM
UCLA is deeply concerned about these allegations and takes great pride in being a diverse community which fosters an environment of mutual respect and understanding. This matter was brought to the attention of UCLA Recreation this morning and we have begun an immediate investigation of the allegation. If we find the claim has merit, swift and appropriate action will be taken. Regardless of the outcomes of this investigation, there is no place on or off the field for comments like these.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 7:13 PM
To lump everyone together in this situation is horrible. You have one player who says something very inappropriate and now a team, a university and a sport are being ridiculed. You are ruining the rest of these kids futures.
“No one should be surprised by douchebaggery from lacrosse players, described by one DC blogger as the “rapiest of sports” As for this comment John, how can you say something like that?
You are all condemning these kids for one persons stupid comment that wasn’t used as a sexual derogatory. As for the coaches if some of you didn’t read closely enough “Our coach began making us doing push ups for all profanities uttered during practice, in order to increase our self control. By the time the players become juniors and seniors, that stuff is mostly done with.”
I’m not saying as if the term isn’t bad and I’m not trying to defend the player who said it, I’m trying to defend the team and coaches who work very hard.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 7:33 PM
RomanFingers Says: April 17th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
“Hearts & Minds” are the last frontier to be won in any civil rights struggle. African-Americans have known & personally experienced this for these past decades following landmark legislation & Supreme Court decisions. It remains extremely sad, nonetheless, that the pursuit of sports, especially among our younger generation of athletes, should be so stupidly replete with racism & homophobia that would decimate any talent a young person might possess in order to promulgate some ignorant socially misanthropic claim to their “inferiority” despite their sportsmanship.
Recently, my nephew who resides in Sacramento, attends the Jesuit High School, and plays on their rugby team came down to San Francisco to play a match with his team. The dismaying comments from many of the Roman Catholic parents on the sidelines before the game were lavishly & unapologetically peppered with “smear the queers”, “they look like the faggots from San Francisco”, and “gay rights, yeah sure, gay WRONGS!” The last thing I wanted to do was pin a pink triangle on my 14-year-old nephew for him to forever be the brunt of verbal & possibly physical harm in high school because he was identified as having a homo uncle. I bit my tongue, and then emailed the head of athletics & the school’s principal the next day about what occurred.
This rugby match happened on February 21, 2009. I have yet to hear back from the sanctimonious cowards at the Jesuit High School. Evidently, Proposition 8’s decimation of gay marriage rights is not enough for these passively hateful “Christianists” when they can also continue screwing over the “Hearts & Minds” of any gay kids in their midst. It is profoundly sad, that in this 21st century, religious ignorance retains such pernicious influence.
Despite this deeply entrenched & senseless hatred, I retain some optimism about our eventual place in the sun alongside all other Americans. I may not live to see it, but sunshine will outlast me and this particular stupidity, hopefully soon to shine upon my nieces’ & nephews’ adulthood.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 7:47 PM
Alright, Professor Vonblum.
thanks for more of your hypocritical biased wisdom.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 8:57 PM
I’m tired of all this … everytime I’m out at a bar, at a party, anytime I’m with a group of gay men, inevitably I hear the word “faggot” used — one homo calling another homo “faggot” … so just like the word “nigger” is used among African Americans with one another, we need to give it a rest. Until gay men stop using the word with others, how can we expect others to not use it? Let’s try and focus on more important things: gay men being respectful and honest with others and their boyfriends/partners, reducing drug use, giving back and contributing more to society, learning how not to be so selfish, etc. If you step back and take a look at the “gay community,” I’m surprised we’ve made some of the strides we have.
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 10:19 PM
WTF, #24 a/k/a TheMan? Whom are you addressing with such eloquent prose? Whose “wisdom” was hypocritical? If you’re going to the trouble of posting, why not lay down some substance and not just some off-the-cuff cryptic crap? Hum?
on Apr 17th, 2009 at 11:48 PM
words aren’t anything to cry about, cry babies.
get a life
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 12:35 AM
So much sensitivity over a word. Like I said earlier, have a hard time believing these guys were just out in the open screaming and shouting these things for anyone to hear. Thicker skin would go a long way, what are some of you going to do anytime someone uses F****t? Stage a protest? Let it go, IF it was said, just something stupid a dumbass kid going to UCLA said.
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 10:49 AM
I see your point Chris but the only way progress is made is by not “just letting it go.” The problem with thick skin is that while nothing gets in eventually nothing gets out as well.
I’d rather vocally stand up to someone who mentions “killing” and “faggots” in the same sentence and take the wrath of friends and strangers saying I’m too sensitive just in the off chance that there’s a confused young gay man within earshot that puts off killing himself for another day.
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 11:01 AM
“Thicker skin would go a long way.”
Assume the same applies for slurs directed at blacks, Jews, women, Latinos etc.? No complaints allowed! They all should stop being “so sensitive.”
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 12:02 PM
Where are the shirtless pics?! That’s all I care about!
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 4:07 PM
I just get a kick out of the fact that these homophobic jerks are playing for the Bruins… which is bearspeak for an athletic Bear.
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 5:06 PM
“If it was said”…all too often denial is our first reaction to trauma. “Let it go”…if the denial plan doesn’t work then the person offended has the problem. Not sure why this is the case.
I like Maddog’s point about thick skin keeping you from being your true self. I agree with Josh too about the community but since this is a gay sports site what can you do? Josh if you are interested in starting a social activist group though to raise human awareness amongst gay men private me.
The point of slurs is never about a word hurting you. It’s that the word dehumanizes you so if someone physically, socially, or economically hurts you it doesn’t matter as much in terms of public perception and personal psychology. This difference in intent is why Jews or any other group calling each other a slur internally is different from a group in social power calling them that and carrying out some form of bias action.
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 7:11 PM
Dear Jim Buzinski,
Your comment hits at the heart of so many decades of stifled expressions of outrage self-imposed by gay folks due to the insidious nature of this particular variety of hurtful & undeniably deadly discrimination. Never heard of a black man lynching another black man for his race. We gays, however, have been forced into such a depraved state of 2nd class citizenship that nobody needs to lynch us: we commit suicide in droves, especially during our teen years, because the oppression is even intra-familial! Aside from the frequent deaths by state execution or bashings on Main Streets, we actually kill ourselves for being labled “faggot” but the ultra hip & jaded amongst us say “It’s just a word!” Fuck you, all of you “passing” Quislings in our midst! This is a life-or-death question of social oppression so acceptable in public that parents pass it on to their own children, parents who would cringe at the epithet of “nigger!” Stay cool all of you hipsters, though, until you need the rights fought for by other homos with more of a backbone than a craven need to “go with the flow.”
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 8:11 PM
Jim,
Yup. It should apply. Part of the problem is we can never discuss matters of race or sexual orientation openly because we have to be “pc”. We all try so hard to not be offensive that we end up causing more harm then good, and when someone is honest about it, that person is jumped on and usually marginalized. At the end of the day, you are more then some slur someone calls you, its just a word, brush it off and move on.
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 8:24 PM
Chris:
I am more than happy to have a freewheeling discussion of sexual orientation and the other person can be as provocative as he wishes.
That is a big difference than players yelling “Let’s kill those faggots” as a rallying cry and none of his teammates saying anything to stop it. That person needs to be called on it and my reaction is not being too sensitive. Silence is acquiescence and the worst kind of response to such speech.
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 8:47 PM
Hey Chris K.,
Try telling that to the many Matthew Shepards out there… Oh, wait, I forgot: they’re all dead! As in rotting carcasses that don’t have the luxury of “brushing it off!”
Why is “maintaining your cool” so paramount to protecting your life & Constitutional rights!?
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 9:21 PM
words kill
that’s been proven time and time again
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 9:43 PM
One more point worth noting about “mere words” needs to be stated. The common law as well as established case law recognizes a limit on free speech called “fighting words” of which the intentionally provocative use of racial epithets or threats with the imminent use of violence allows an intended victim to use physical force if self-defense. Should all we gay folks just be “thick skinned” and allow fag-bashers to carry out their deadly physical violence, ignoring their telegraphing of their intent, before we get a spine?
on Apr 19th, 2009 at 5:58 AM
I’m glad UCLA Recreation is investigating this, as they posted in the comments above.
on Apr 19th, 2009 at 7:33 AM
UCLA is a PATHETIC school. Their sports teams can’t win a championship in ANY sport. When their “athletes” talk this TRASH in the huddle, is it ANY suprise they suck in all sports? Boys, homophobia AND racism is NOT the way to go. Get a spine and grow a pair! UCLoosers!
on Apr 19th, 2009 at 10:07 AM
This is a bit ridiculous.
When people don’t say racist things it’s not because they’re not racist. People not saying discriminating things doesn’t mean they don’t discriminate.
So a couple of players got into it and showed how little everyone should think of them. It’s combat. Yes, there’s probably a gay guy on the team, and it hurts his soul every time someone uses the word. But you know what? Every time someone makes a slight in the general, it doesn’t require The Movement to get all up in arms and declare the end of the world.
And, heaven forbid, anyone that doesn’t submit to our demands is suddenly a bigot or a racist.
Let’s get a life.
on Apr 19th, 2009 at 10:46 PM
Mark, I could say that your response to our response just shows that you need to get a life. We are up in arms about some words…so are you. You’re just up in arms about a different set of words. Does that make you righteous, because we aren’t living up to what you think we should be?
What movement are you talking about by the way? I don’t belong to any.
As for your next to last sentence, again we are blaming the victim. No one has made any demands. This wasn’t a responsive gesture. Someone said let’s kill those faggots. We were minding our own business on this website living our happy gay lives when it was brought to our attention. Now we are discussing it. Isn’t freedom of speech what you are hinting at anyway? But you want to limit the freedom to respond to speech? What is it?
on Apr 19th, 2009 at 11:34 PM
Possibly I can provide some perspective here for all. First off, great job by Jim Buzinski in reporting this event. Second, having been the sports information director for an NCAA Division I men’s lacrosse team for 32 years I am familiar with the culture of the sport. Third, Jim’s distinction between it being a club and a varsity sport is important. Club sports are for the most part student run and while the coaches they hire have some control they certainly would not have the discipline options a varsity coach would have. Lacrosse is a physical sport with a macho undertone. But there are feel good stories. Dartmouth had out goaltender Andrew Goldstein several years ago and he was treated with the utmost respect by his teammates. For whatever reason, the players and alumni at North Carolina where I work day-to-day with the team and travel with the team to all road games are anything but homophobic (we call it the homophobic free zone) and they have regularly over the years invited my closest gay friends and I to alumni functions, team barbecues and football tailgates and even invited many of my friends to be Facebook friends. I recently had a conversation with a high school coach at one of the best lacrosse high school programs in Baltimore and he told me point blank how he hoped and prayed if he had a player who was gay the young man would be willing to come out. He said he could never understand such discrimination. So while this incident is disgusting I want to provide some good news that the whole lacrosse world is not a brimming cauldron of unbridled homophobia.
on Apr 20th, 2009 at 8:32 AM
Thanks for the post Dave! That’s great to hear.
on Apr 20th, 2009 at 9:10 PM
Many thanks to Dave Lohse for his informed comments and a perspective for optimism. It helps to assuage some of the dismay this continued acceptance of hatred generates in me. No one I know, and certainly not myself, enjoys having to address these currents of hatred when they surface out of the blue, but with the kind of familiar venom we all know down deep has to be addressed. Silence is certainly a form of capitulation to the growth of such dangerous hatred. As Jay Original said above: “We were minding our own business… living our happy gay lives” as is usually the case when hate mongers barge into gay folks’ neighborhoods or legal affairs to render real their violent cries for misguided attention. I know that the severe homophobic sideline banter at my nephew’s rugby game ruined not only my day’s plans for being a doting screamingly (double-entendre intended) proud uncle, but it made me fearful for my nephew & his teammates’ futures here in recently bigot-manipulated California. The ramifications of casually disregarded expressions of downright oppression are many and unpredictable. It’s worth remembering that, while a gay person may “merely” have their feelings hurt, a latently violent homophobe may indeed be encouraged by such acceptance of hate language to act out physically the next time an opportunity avails itself. As so many of us started to learn from the early days of the HIV Epidemic, silence means death. Whether that’s the death of a joyous day, a legal right, or a victim’s life, what is the big deal about employing your First Amendment right to speak out? If a gay person’s fear to do so ranges from terror at one’s own safety to somehow being considered “uncool” at least acknowledge it’s fear and then act to the best of your ability. But why waste time vilifying those who feel compelled to speak out?
on Apr 21st, 2009 at 11:20 AM
http://www.towleroad.com/2009/04/another-11yearold-commits-suicide-over-antigay-bullying.html
on Apr 26th, 2009 at 12:05 AM
Not sure where the players of this team are from…but it seems like everyone always comments on how people in the mid-west are so backwards-ass, homophobic, uses the word “faggot”, etc… What about these guys out West?
on Apr 26th, 2009 at 9:05 PM
Unitl more gay men assert themselves in sports and come out and stop hiding then the connotation of “faggot” as weakling and less than a man will continue to haunt gay men. Whose fault is that?
on Apr 30th, 2009 at 10:04 PM
Just wondering if it would have been OK if they had said “Let’s kill those bitches!”?
on May 13th, 2009 at 4:50 AM
i have checked 2 versions of the old testament as well as a torah and none mention wether God is a lacrosse fan. they ALL however state at Leviticus 20:13 that faggots MUST be killed for the detestable acts which they commit. given that your money even states “in god we trust”, i ask you which God exactly is it that your country worships? does he possibly have horns and a tail?
on May 19th, 2009 at 9:36 AM
Stefan Kozma, drop dead. Religion is a lie. “God” doesn’t exist. Being gay is great.
on May 20th, 2009 at 12:14 PM
First, Mr. Kozma, God INVENTED Bagattaway, which was the native american precursor to contemporary lacrosse. Yeah, the game has very deep spiritual roots.
Second, boorish behavior is a symptom of collegiate sports – not lacrosse. Lacrosse is the only sport I know of that makes “use of threatening,profane or obscene language or gestures during a game’ (NFHS Rule 5 section 9 article B) a one to 3 minute non-releasable Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalty. If the officials had been eavesdropping on the UCLA huddle, those comments would have cost the team dearly.
Thirdly, as a lacrosse ref, I have never heard the term ‘faggot’ used on the field, but I’ve flagged kids for calling another a ‘pussy’. As a straight man, I spent my youth in enthusiastic pursuit of same, and still have a resonant fondness for the stuff. Gay men, as I understand it, do not have such a passion for that feature of human anatomy. Deploying that term as a pejorative must, by the logic prevalent in this topic, mean that the user is an intolerant gay man, not, as I assumed at the time, a kid with a limited quiver of insults in the heat of battle mouthing off.
on May 23rd, 2009 at 3:35 AM
I played Lacrosse in HS. I am a senior at UCLA right now. I played on the lacrosse team my first year at UCLA. Essentially it is just another tentacle of the fraternity octopus. For first years who didn’t rush fall quarter, like me, but want to get into one of the “good” fraternities (ironically, which are all on probation right now) it is a fast track, you get to meet and be teammates with the cream of the crop of athletic frat guys, and essentially, you will get bid into whichever fraternity you go out for. UCLA is an interesting school with regards to race. I think they only let like 200 blacks (men and women) into UCLA last year and of those, 120 were recruited on to various teams. As they are all varsity athletes, they don’t have time for frats, therefore there are like 20 black guys in the entire frat system at UCLA. I myself am in a frat, and most of us, myself included are from conservative white Orange County.
I quit for a couple reasons:
1.) I participated in the gay bashing, it killed me inside everytime I did it, but since everyone else was doing it, I did too. However, I never, ever said anything racist. Even to this day, it is one of my deepest regrets that I didn’t ever stand up for it, don’t tell me the coaches didn’t know about it, they were in the thick of it as well. I mean, they didn’t say “faggot” but they didn’t censor the team captain.
2.) The casual club lacrosse was more fun for me than the competitive club team.
3.) I didn’t have the time anymore.
and mainly;
4.) I tore my ACL.
And yes I’m gay. Was I out? Hell no. Am I now? No.
Additionally, according to some posts above, as a “faggot”, I guess I am entitled to use the term. Am I not?
And in reference to Stefan Kozma (post #51), Jesus told me to love my fellow man, and I attempt to do that as much as possible.
on May 23rd, 2009 at 10:04 AM
You lost me at “I participated in the gay bashing.”
on May 23rd, 2009 at 12:13 PM
He didn’t lose me; I know just what he is saying. We have heard from many closeted jocks who said they went along with “faggot” comments and other gay slurs to divert attention from themselves.
on May 23rd, 2009 at 1:28 PM
Just because closeted jocks think that fag-bashing is a good way of passing as straight doesn’t mean that I have to nod along approvingly, especially when the guy is STILL closeted and only quit the team because of an injury.
on May 23rd, 2009 at 2:29 PM
Understanding where someone is coming from does not equal approval.
on May 23rd, 2009 at 3:08 PM
hey boomer take it easy on Ryan. i bullied some gay kids back in high school myself, along w/ the rest of my football team and like Ryan it killed me a little bit inside every time. trust me when i say that we have enough guilt already w/o the piling on that you are doing now…..
on May 23rd, 2009 at 3:26 PM
It’s just not hard not to be homophobic in college today. Clearly there are situations in which you may be forced to be around homophobic people, but that doesn’t mean you have to participate actively. Ryan has set up an elaborate backdrop to his actions (frat life, conservative OC people, no blacks) and hooked up with guys clandestinely while gay-bashing on a team that he quit because of injury. I’ll take your word for it on the guilt, but forgive me for crying crocodile tears over his regret.
on May 23rd, 2009 at 5:48 PM
fair enough. i was in high school in the early nineties and i know it has to be far easier to be young and gay today, but being in his position (somewhat) i can’t help but have some compassion for ryan. the closet is a dark, shameful place, it makes us do a lot of things we normally wouldn’t…..
on Jun 6th, 2009 at 8:01 PM
I’ve been trying to comment for a week but my profile was messed up.
@ DruggyBear #59 & 61: For once I agree with you. I, while not really knowing what I was until a year ago and not even right now, did make offhand comments in high school to minorities. I think we all do it but we don’t realize our mistakes until much later. The only difference between you and myself being that you knew you were different were I didn’t think I was and wanted to tap any thing with breasts and a vagina.