A photo posted on the blog.
I have been meaning to write about one of my favorite blogs, A Gay Athlete’s Life, which details the story of a closeted Major League Baseball player. His announcement Tuesday that he is likely calling it quits for his career is as good a time as any.
The blog, which is four years old, deals with the accomplishments, struggles and sometime heartaches of the player, and is written in a very conversant, readable style. It is also laden with sex, from some of his posts to the hot pictures his readers send in. So I was saddened to see that injuries have caused him to come to grips with retirement.
I have had a rough few weeks. Without saying too much I think my playing days are over. It’s a lot to handle for someone who has played this game for such a long time. …
While my situation is not on the level of being a hall of fame player I know what it’s like to hear that it’s past your time.
I have been a great ball player. Most guys would give their left nut to be able to say they played at the major league level. I have played in the bigs and spent plenty of time on farm teams. Looking back at what I have done, I can say that I achieved my goal of being a professional baseball player.
I am very proud.
One caveat: I have no idea who this player is, other than he is not a pitcher. If I did know, I wouldn’t tell. His handle is Slugger and from his posts it’s obvious he does not pitch (he has a terrific post about picking up a guy on the road to act as his “slump buster.” It worked).
While this could be someone who invented a fake persona, nothing about his blog rings false. He does not brag about his career or boast about some fantasy sexploits. He writes just like what he purports to be: a professional jock, as horny as you would expect, but one capable of having his heart broken (many posts were about his relationship with a guy, Ryan, that ended this year).
He is also not ready to come out publicly. His latest post mentions about trying to still stay involved in baseball. And he had this response when he received a query this summer from a mainstream journalist:
This dilemma has plagued my soul: Do I come out? Do I continue to hide?
This blog has been my release so to speak. When I first entered the minor league system I had endured 4 years of high school and 4 years of college where almost everyday I heard the word faggot being thrown around like the word “the”
It comes so freely and it scares the shit out of me. …
Do I think that one day [an openly gay player] will happen? Yes. Am I going to be the one who comes out. Right now the answer is no.
You can read entries on this blog where I have hidden who I am from my teammates because I fear this.
The serious stuff aside, A Gay Athlete’s Life is fun to read. There are the pictures his readers send in of themselves (or wishing it was themselves); his account of being propositioned by a porn star, and his description of the hotness of other ballplayers:
I get a bunch of e-mails from guys asking if the guys I play with are hot. To answer you: Yes. I would say 95% of the guys I play with I find attractive. I have seen all of them naked and when I do I try to file it away in the back of my head. There are certain guys that drive me up a wall. They are all exhibitionists that are always naked and have the bodies to back it up and not feel ashamed to be naked at all.
My favorite, though, was his account of porn on the road and the use of pizza boxes. You need to read the whole item but here is a teaser:
One of the best things for me on the road is porn. It’s pretty much fact that every guy jerks off. I know guys that have girlfriends and wives and they still jerk off. They are guaranteed a f*** or blow job everyday… yet still jerk off. …
No matter where we were, we would always order pizza to the room. If one of us were f***ing we would leave the pizza box outside the door. We would try and give the guy a time frame but sometimes he would take longer than expected.
Most pizza deliveries come with menus. If one of us were gunna jerk off to porn we would leave the menu in front of the door.
Well, guys on the team caught on… that led to banging on doors and all of that.
Wherever his career path leads, I hope this athlete keeps on writing, and I wish him the best of luck. And keep posting those pictures.
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Pretty interesting….and yes, the pictures are nice.
How do we know, though, that this is legitimate? I assume it’s some weirdo with a fantasy of being a hot major league athlete who decided to fool a bunch of people into thinking just that.
Closeted or not, I would like more proof.
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Hey PJ:
You have to take him at his word, which is why I wrote the caveat.
Having been a regular reader, I believe that this is a closeted player. He does not post that often (indicative of a busy pro athlete), has never bragged about sex with teammates (he writes how scared he is about them even finding out) and flatly says he is a not a hall of famer. I think I would be able to pick out a phony and I am convinced this guy is legit.
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Dave Pallone talked about the fact that there were a number of baseball players that he knew were gay while he was an umpire in his book “Behind the Mask”. Since baseball fans can be ruthless in their verbal aggression toward any of the the players, being openly gay would make you a target like no other, so why take on that kind of pressure?
I believe this guy is legit. I think the number of gay MLB players would be surprising if we could ever know the truth.
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 8:26 pm
I wouldn’t think he would have to worry much about money if he’s a pro baseball player, but he could certainly make a lot of it for charity by selling his story after retirement.
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
If he’s telling the truth, it sounds like he hasn’t spent much time in the majors, so he hasn’t really made much money.
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 9:51 pm
i doubt he’s legit. i’ve heard ballplayers speak and they never put 2 sentences together anywhere near as good as this guy. he’s probably “hanging it up” because he’s close to being exposed as a fraud or just outta shit to make up……
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Just a quick note: he mentions trying to stay in baseball. he does not mention “about” staying in baseball. Please, everyone, do what you can to maintain the standards of the English language.
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Fake, fake, fake.
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
hey Tilda this is a blog, not the Harvard Law Review so take your grammar lesson and shove it
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 11:27 pm
I have read this guy on and off for while and have always assumed that he’s fake. But like so much great fiction, it’s compelling because of its core plausibility. Of course there are closeted baseball players with great bodies who are one of the guys during the day and then get their jollies on Manhunt at night. Granted, they probably don’t have the time or energy to write blogs that read like creative writing assignments, but you get the point.
And Joe, Doug Glanville proves that baseball talent and writing ability do occasionally overlap in the Venn diagram…
http://topics.nytimes.com/topics/reference/timestopics/people/g/doug_glanville/index.html
on Sep 23rd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
I mean DB, not Joe…
on Sep 24th, 2009 at 12:58 am
For those who think he’s a fake, I recall our “Frustrated Coach,” the closeted lacrosse coach that many “knew” was a fake until he ran a story on him and ESPN profiled him.
As for this: “i’ve heard ballplayers speak and they never put 2 sentences together anywhere near as good as this guy.” Uh, Tom Glavine, Orel Hershisher are just 2 off the top of my head who are very articulate. Kind of a silly stereotype to think that of 750 MLB players not one can “put 2 sentences together.”
on Sep 24th, 2009 at 5:35 am
ok Jim clearly I was exaggerating, but even believing that stereotype isn’t as silly as believing that blog is for real! it’s just some joker who gets off on having people play into his fantasies and loves having pictures of hot jocks sent into him……
on Sep 24th, 2009 at 6:14 am
In one of his posts, he says he’s a MiLB ball player. I assume “Mi” stands for “minor.”
on Sep 24th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Is this the same guy who was in a relationship with Brendan Lemon? Just wondering.
on Sep 24th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Hope he comes out after he retires… I am sure this guy is one tough dude and if he is high profile, maybe it would be easier for others to come out after him.
on Sep 24th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I doubt that he’s high profile. That MiLB does stand for minor league baseball. Seems like the type of player that Billy Bean was, a utilityman bouncing around from team to team and up and down from the majors to the minors. If that.
on Sep 24th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
If he’s not a pitcher and he’s about to retire, it won’t be that difficult to figure out who he is, I’m guessing.
How many baseball players actually retire as opposed to just not being picked up by a team?
on Sep 24th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
I’ve read about 2/3 of his blog and I’d say slugger is for real. Really great story either way. Love the pics too. Hottie jocks are shameless show boats
This narrative on his blog would make a great premise for an HBO series.
on Sep 25th, 2009 at 11:19 am
We’ll never know if it’s real or fake (I’m leaning towards fake).
On more than one occasion, readers have been duped after they’ve vested some interest in a writer and his/her life.
on Sep 25th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
I am not going to argue if he is a fake or real, but I did enjoy his blog. Having also struggled (certainly much less high profile) with being gay and fear of exposure, yet desire for sex and intimacy and love, I hope that one day he does share his life’s experience with the public. Brian Sims is a great example of finding himself, finding acceptance and sharing that with all of us. I hope “Slugger” takes a cue from a good athlete and a great person.
on Sep 25th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I suppose gay people choose best kinds of sport:
gymnastics, fitness. They dance to the music, like household duties and agriculture. I invite them to Russian Federation,
which is getting worse nowadays as well as whole continent !
on Sep 25th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
I haven’t read much, so I can’t say whether this particular guy is real or not. But I know first hand that there are closeted MLB players out there. I hooked up with one while I was living in L.A. about eight years ago. When he told me he was an MLB player out on an injury, I thought “yeah, right,” but the next morning I looked him up and sure enough, there was his picture on the roster page of the team he said he played for.
To this day I regret falling asleep instead of getting his number…
on Sep 25th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I have not followed the blog for the last year or so. However, I did for a long time prior to that. If he is playing the MLB now, he has had a *very* short MLB career. Everything he wrote before last year was about MINOR leagues, and his desire to move up to MLB.
on Sep 26th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
yeah Chris that’s part of the reason i think he’s a phony- he said in the post about the porn star that wanted to meet him that he was worried TMZ would be waiting for him instead. i mean, wtf? why would TMZ give a shit about a minor league baseball player? seems like a bullshit excuse to get outta hot sex with a porn star when you don’t really exist. i mean, honestly, as if his soliciting pics from his “fans” isn’t enough of a tip-off…….
on Sep 26th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Derek Jeter 35 and never married, only beards.
on Sep 27th, 2009 at 1:03 am
You obviously did not read the Porn Star post carefully since his reaction perfectly encapsulated the paranoia of people in the closet — they think everyone is focused on them. He wrote: “It would be career suicide for me Who knows if he has a camera set up somewhere in that hotel room.”
That is a perfectly understandable fear, irrational as it seems to those of us who are out. I did not read it as if he literally thought TMZ was going to waiting. But this Porn Star contacted Slugger, so PS knew he was meeting a pro ballplayer and who knows whether he would have talked or not?
I got a great e-mail from Slugger yesterday and am more convinced than ever that he is legit.
on Sep 27th, 2009 at 4:17 am
I loved when Slugger played in Toronto.
on Sep 27th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
more convinced than ever? care to expand?
on Sep 27th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
you guys are really naive if you think that is real….stop living in fantasy world
on Sep 28th, 2009 at 3:06 am
Chances are that he’s fake, but he certainly *could* be real. I used to post on a forum a long time ago, before blogs were really big, and while we never discussed anything that would reveal our identities, there was one topic about some pro football team in the sports section of the forum and I innocently said my father used to play for them.
Despite the fact I’d been writing on that forum for a long, long time, people took umbrage with my statement and called me out on it. Not wanting to be known as a liar in the forum, I had to actually make contact with the admin guy and a) prove who I was and b) prove who my dad was, so the impartial guy would actually back me up.
So many people seem to hero worship pro athletes, or think they’re some giant rarity… but there’s actually a fair number of them. Chances are one or two lives in your community, or nearby. They eat, they shit, they sleep and many of them have weird hobbies. My dad loves yard work. Over several off-seasons back when he played, he built my mother a giant, two-layered brick work thingy in my back yard out of bare hands. Curt Schilling played Everquest, then WoW and then blogged (a lot… even during the seasons). So I absolutely believe there could be a gay former major leaguer who blogs. I’m still skeptical, but it wouldn’t surprise me for a second if it were legit.
on Sep 29th, 2009 at 12:51 am
Ok..so many of us are out…do any of us remember what it was like before we came out? While I was in college I worked for the Men’s Basketball coach, loved the job, but was terrified that I would be found out. Also, my time in the Army… same thing?
Why is it that we all have to know everyones business? And you all know that there are those in the gay community that would run tell everything they know if they thought it would make them feel a little bit better or increase their status in someones eyes if they could say they made it with a professional or even colleigate athlete.
What was the screen name a few years ago..frustrated coach?
So many thought he was fake as well.
My thoughts (for what they are worth) is to be there to lend support to those in our community that need the shoulder to lean on. We need to respect the wishes, and support those in our community who are struggling with the fact that there are still professions out there that are not tolerant, and just be a friend.
on Sep 30th, 2009 at 12:46 am
This blog strikes me as fake. I read 6 or 7 posts just now, and it seems about as real as some erotic story about a military encounter written by some joker who has never even met anyone in the military.
I have no interest in hearing about some closeted dude’s life, or how scared he is of being called a faggot. Man up. Every one of us who is brave enough to be out has to step outside every day and think there is a chance that someone, somewhere could call us a faggot. Deal with it, and have something to say after you find that bravery. Until then — if you are even real, “baseball player,” I have no interest in anything you have to say. Self-involved guys who want everyone to empathize with them but don’t have the balls to make a real statement that might help change society’s perception of what and who gay men are should put up or shut up.
on Oct 1st, 2009 at 10:25 am
It’s a fake more than likely. The pizza-box incident could only happen in the minors because big league players have their own rooms. Also, Dave Pallone, Billy Beane, Glenn Burke et al admit very FEW major leaguers are gay, and they’d know. The blogger talks about being a major leaguer than uses a minor league story-proving there’s an inconsistency here.
This is the type of bs story that came out about 8 yrs ago when some nameless editor from a gay magazine was quoted in the gossip pages (of course) of the NY Post saying he was dating a highly recognizeable player from an east coast team, but not a star player.
The following year Mike Piazza was wrongly accused of being that player. However, he WAS the star of his team, showing you how even a rumor gets twisted and becomes some baseless story. There’s always an inconsistency with these stories.
It is known that admittedly Billy Beane, Glenn Burke, and Umpire Dave Pallone are/were gay. It’s also no secret Johnny Bench and Rusty Staub are. However, trying to out innocent people is irresponsible- you can’t help a cause by lying. I have no issue with gay people, but lying to further an agenda is not right under any circumstances.
on Oct 1st, 2009 at 10:33 am
correction: it’s no secret Bench and Staub are RUMOURED to be*
on Oct 1st, 2009 at 7:16 pm
“It’s also no secret Johnny Bench and Rusty Staub are (RUMOURED to be). However, trying to out innocent people is irresponsible-”
Spreading rumors isn’t the same as outing????
on Oct 7th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
I’ve been a reader of his blog for some time. The kid’s the real deal. He talks with a great deal of pathos about how hard it has been for him to live his dream and life in the closet. I wish him luck! Perhaps now, he can can come out live without the fear of being found out.
on Oct 10th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
You’re favorite was “porn on the road”? Huh? And you’re still convinced? Okay, guess I’m too naive from reading real blogs by real people in politics, sports, and real life. Sorry buddy, this don’t pass the smell test. Or maybe it does.
on Oct 11th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Read a few of the posts on his blog. Major League Baseball players do not share rooms on the road. Every player has his own room. No exceptions. The guy is a fake.
on Oct 11th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
You would think with that many bats and balls that every single baseball player is gay, pfft.
on Oct 18th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Looks like Cyd has a ’straight’ stalker!
My guess is he is a major closet case… depressed
and pathetic.
Come out Come whoever and however messy you are!
Should we repeat this like 8,000 times so you can understand how pathetic you are acting?
on Oct 21st, 2009 at 10:49 am
I read all of his posts from the beginning. After reading his last entry, It took me about an hour to figure out who he is. It seems at one point he may have subconciously wanted to be found out (or maybe it was a slip). He does try to throw readers of his trail at some point by using false locations. After looking up his obvious clues, finding him was easy. Those who think he is a fake have a low I.Q., and those who want to out him are being unnessesarily cruel. By the way, for those of you who may think I advocate “the closet”, I have been openly gay for 25 years (I am now 50) and feel coming out is a personal choice. I did email him and mention that I and many other gay men would buy his jersey if he came out.
on Oct 22nd, 2009 at 6:32 am
on Oct 26th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
If he’s retiring, all we need to do is check out all the players that are currently retiring from baseball.
I always heard the rumors about George Brett.