Last week ESPN columnist LZ Granderson (right) shared some insights into his conversations with closeted professional athletes. One athlete in particular got the bulk of his keyboard’s attention: A pro athlete who, for the first time in Granderson’s career, told LZ that he’ll think about coming out. The impetus? The athlete has met someone he’s fallen for and wants to be with him. Granderson’s advice: Be cautious.
So as I was talking with my new gay acquaintance, I reminded him that, in today’s world, there is no such thing as privacy, especially if you are in the public eye, so any little thing you do could fuel rumors. Because of today’s technology and social media, what you had for lunch and with whom could be known by millions of people before you even ask for the check.
It’s really a shame, but I think Granderson is dead-on. It’s the chilling effect our phone cameras and gossip sites have had on gay pro athletes: It’s pushed them deeper into the closet. If you were a starting forward for the Miami Heat, would you let yourself be seen at a candlelight dinner with another guy? Twenty years ago, word wouldn’t have gone anywhere. Ten years ago, it would have been only rumors. But now, you’ll have cameras from TMZ in your face as soon as you step out the door.
on Oct 14th, 2009 at 6:53 PM
The other option for that athlete is to go out with his boyfriend anyway and come out of the closet if someone calls him on it. Or he could come out of the closet preemptively.
on Oct 14th, 2009 at 7:59 PM
yes and no it depends on the city you are in.. Atlanta is a good example where as long as it isnt a “high” profile restaurant where people want to be seen its no problem. A former NFL player has been hitting town for years until his arrest on drug charges brought it to the news and no one gave it a second thought. A current NBA player is seen out and about intown with no real notice and one of hip hop biggest names is in a local Starbucks all the time with his “freind” and draws no notice…
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 5:44 AM
Who are these people you’re talking about Garry? If you can’t say who they are then I guess it really is a problem.
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 7:14 AM
Atlanta may have a thriving underground social life for a closeted gay athlete – especially one who is black since many in that community might “have his back” – but I think in general it would be better to come out in one of the two or three relatively gay-friendly large media markets: New York, Los Angeles or San Francisco. The more light the better. Any homophobia has a better chance of being highligted and met with public sympathy and less likely open physical threats. To a lesser extent the same might be possible in Miami though I suspect the Hispanic community there supplies the same “closet protection” for latinos.
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 8:14 AM
There are essentially two ways to come out, ’step out’ or be ‘found out’.
I came out to my fraternity at the beginning of my Junior year in college and was warmly embraced by my Brothers. Subsequently, I worked with a lot of collegiate GLBT groups and focused on GLBT issues in the Greek system. In my experience, when fraternity or sorority members ’stepped out’ of the closet the reaction of the Chapter was substantially more positive then when individuals were ‘found out’.
When GLBT fraternity/sorority members ’stepped out’ to their chapters members the individual controlled the circumstances, it wasn’t some heated moment that catches everyone by surprise, it was usually some calm environment where people were free to ask questions, voice concerns, and communication flowed freely between all. The straight members described the experience using terms like ‘trusted’, ‘respected’, ‘courageous’.
When individuals were ‘found out’ the circumstances typically lead to confrontations, rumor mongering, and negative experiences for everyone that are difficult or nearly impossible to overcome. Afterward straight members use terms like ‘lied to’, ‘betrayed’, and ‘cowardly’.
Now, even when someone ’steps out’ of the closet that doesn’t mean that people can’t have very bad experiences. But overall, when individuals ’step out’ to a tight social group, such as a fraternity or sports teams, they tend to experience much higher levels of acceptance and support then those individuals who are ‘found out’.
I discussed my coming out with the chapter President and then the Exec Board, gaining their support, before coming out to the chapter as a whole. I believe this helped tremendously. If the player can gain some support from the coaching staff, or other leaders on the team before hand, that would probably go a long way into wrangling individuals who “aren’t sure” how the would feel about a GLBT teammate. This also helps isolate those individuals who have very strong negative personal reactions as ‘outsiders’.
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 8:35 AM
I believe that it is generally easier to come out today than in the past, and people are generally becoming more accepting. It is alot better now than in the past, but let us not confuse better with good. I think that the professional sports arena is still a very difficult place for a athlete to come out. So while it is better, I still do not think that it is good, but is moving in the right direction. I do think that we will see a “major” athlete come out of the closet in our lifetime.
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 10:22 AM
Interesting comments by badlydrawnbear. It suggests that there is not a single corporate structure among major sports owners that is unequivocably supportive of “stepping out”, though all would probably take the politically correct position that they would “support” this player. The bottom line is money. These organizations depend on a fan base that may be equally hypocritical and municipal tax breaks that may be influenced by those fans. In addition there is the fact that it is all of an individuals supporters who “come out” too. A circle that widens to include all of those he/she “trusts” under media mania.
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 10:23 AM
Garry’s comment is quite bizarre. If you see these people around all the time, why not say their names?
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 10:51 AM
If someone is going out to gay clubs on a regular basis, I personally consider them out. Several years ago, Lance Bass was in Provincetown the week I was there and I reported on it. It’s the same reason I have no problem with people saying Anderson Cooper is gay. If you go out to gay resorts or gay clubs, you’re “out” in public and have forgone any claims of privacy.
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 12:10 PM
Jamal Anderson is one of the names, and it’s been out there for awhile: http://deadspin.com/5153278/the-one-with-jamal-andersons-other-alleged-bathroom-stall-activities
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 3:13 PM
You know, I really don’t think that there will be any backlash. I think our thinking is so out of date. When someone comes out of the closet the team will rally around them as they would anyone else. We have been condition to expect the worse and times have changed. What big city is going to have a problem when there is diversity in all big cities and what Pro team really plays in a small town?
There will always be some crackpot but you go to any game and someone is saying something about your mother. Remember the old saying ‘your momma wears army boots.’ I don’t think fans are going to be that supportive of fans yelling things that are offensive and all teams have fan behavior clauses.
This is really going to be old new very soon. The gay community is going to rally around the player. The players team is going to rally around the player. The news organizations are going to make the person a celebrity and say how brave the person is. And FOX news will find some stupid player on some other team to say how they don’t want to play with a gay player and this player will be treated as the idiot that he is.
People have changed. Times have changed. It really isn’t a big deal any more. How many of our straight friends have gay family members. Time to move on.
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 5:05 PM
Jamal Anderson is one of them but its not my place to out someone here do you think ???
Thought to ponder… why do so many Athletes choose the Atlanta area to have a home ? Including Terrell Owens and Ben Rothsberger.
Then again Mike Bibby was in Target Atlantic Station this afternoon and literally the only people paying attention to him were wondering how is that person talking so loud on his cell so people would notice him
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 6:05 PM
“Jamal Anderson is one of them but its not my place to out someone here do you think ???”
You have already said they hang out in open view with their lovers. I’m not sure how posting their names constitutes outing.
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 7:26 PM
I think Granderson is right that if a closeted athlete (assuming they were well-known enough to be recognized in public) chose to have any kind of public relationship with another man, the rumors would fly and it would be tantamount to coming out. IIRC, Esera Tuolo would introduce his partner as his business manager or some similar title while he was still playing, but I think most people would see through that in an instant.
The only way to have a relationship and remain closeted would be to keep it totally contained to private homes – your own and maybe the homes of a very trustworthy friends. I can’t imagine the kind of strain that would put on any relationship, and I can’t believe it would be good for the player’s performance. After all, Billy Bean noted in his memoir that he left baseball in large part because he wanted a relationship and wouldn’t go through the strain of a closeted one again, following the death of his first partner. The level of stress in his closeted relationship would be exponentially increased now.
So the choice really seems relationship/coming out vs. no relationship at all, and I really wonder how today’s players, coaches and fans would react. I have to believe the coaches (and front office personnel) and fans would have the harder time of it; players are generally young enough to have grown up in a much more accepting atmosphere. How many pro athletes, I wonder, have gay siblings, uncle, cousins, friends from high school or college? Not only would it tend to make them more accepting personally, but they would also be more likely to squash blatant homophobia in the locker room or among the team.
I don’t think for a second that there would be universal acceptance among the players, but I think the level would be high enough to eliminate many of the problems that would have existed just a few years ago. Tuolo also talked about worrying he would be deliberately hurt on the field if he were found out, I really think that would be far less likely to occur.
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 7:54 PM
more dirt on the “dirty bird”: http://deadspin.com/5157332/the-one-where-jamal-anderson-gets-kicked-out-of-the-closet-again
i thought it was hilarious when ESPN2’s Cold Pizza (or first down or whatever it is now) used to pair him up w/ fellow DLer Kordell Stewart to discuss the NFL. i wonder if they ever ran into each other at the same truck stop on their way home from the studio….
on Oct 15th, 2009 at 10:29 PM
ok boomer ….. Atlanta is a comfort zone as I said and Kordell also lives in the Northern suburbs …. but the point being neither one is waving the flag day nor do they hide behind wifes and girlfriends so it should be an easy guess on the hip hop one.. as a matter of fact he was sitting at the Starbucks with his freind on 14th street at closing alittle while ago with his bodyguard near by and GA Tech studying around him.
on Oct 16th, 2009 at 5:40 AM
Do you know how many rappers are from Atlanta? I can think of about 6 just off the top of my head.
on Oct 16th, 2009 at 11:10 AM
Billy Bean play baseball, what 10 years ago. And how long ago did Esera Tuolo play for the Vikings? We have been conditioned by the Republican party and Fox News to live in fear or think the worse. From Reagan to Bush I and Bush II.
It is a new day. Polls find far greater acceptance. And there will always be a coach or someone to voice a different opinion. This is what sells papers. If you do not have someone giving a different opinion you don’t have a story. And look at our current day reality. If someone who is a celebrity takes a unpopular view of an issue they are quickly shut down. Being anti gay is no longer acceptable. You want to stand out like a fool, take an anti-gay position about an individual person.
I have worked for a minor league baseball team for 14 years. I have seen the change in attitude during this time. You can privately ask a player now if they believe there is a gay person on the team and they often times will tell you yes. It is a locker room secret that is really no big deal. And it is only a secret because the view is that it is up to the player to come out. This is why I say I have seen the change and we are living in this fear of ‘What will the neighbors think.’
Most sports are about the team. And each player plays a part of making the team whole. Yes, another player might try to use someone’s sexuality against them during the game by calling said player a faggot. You don’t think other things are said to piss players off that have nothing to do with sexuality but are said to get the player to lose focus? This is the nature of agressive men in agressive sports. They bait each other about the players wives or mother or something to make the player lose focus. And sure someone will call the player a faggot. So what! If calling you a name is going to make you less able to preform then the issue isn’t about your sexuality it about how you handle things.
When someone comes out it will be a story for a couple of days and then there will be another story that will takes its place. We got to stop thinking that the whole world is going to shut down because a player is gay. The world has moved on. Man up.