Brendan Burke with the Stanley Cup won by his dad's Anaheim Ducks in 2007.
There is a very touching and affirming story on ESPN.com about Brendan Burke, how he came out as gay and was accepted by his father, Brian Burke, the president and general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Brendan Burke, 20, is a former hockey goalie who now assists the University of Miami (Ohio) college hockey team that is ranked No. 1 in the country. (Feb. 5. 2010 update: Brendan Burke dies in crash).
It is an uplifting tale familiar to many gay men — discovering you’re gay, then becoming so miserable about lying that you finally come out. In this tale, dad, step-mom and siblings accept Brendan unconditionally, as do the Miami players and coaches. Brian Burke even marched in Toronto’s Gay Pride Parade with his son.
Brendan, who quit his high school hockey team over the anti-gay vibe in the locker room and the fear he would be discovered, said he told his story to show that hockey can be accepting of gay people.
“Imagine if I was in the opposite situation, with a family that wouldn’t accept me, working for a sports team where I knew I couldn’t come out because I’d be fired or ostracized. People in that situation deserve to know that they can feel safe, that sports isn’t all homophobic and that there are plenty of people in sports who accept people for who they are.”
The story is written by John Buccigross, a writer and broadcaster who is a friend of the family. He intersperses quotes from the Burkes and others in between Brendan’s story that is written in the second person.
You believe that if an NHL player came out today, he would face a unique set of challenges but would generally be supported. He might face more verbal abuse from opposing fans, but you believe the overwhelming sentiment would be, “If he can play hockey, who cares?” That’s the perspective you’ve encountered at Miami. You say a good way to start would be for ex-NHL players who are gay to be more vocal and talk about their experiences and challenges.
His dad Brian, also the G.M. of the U.S. men’s Olympic hockey team for the Vancouver Olympics, makes the most gay-affirming statements I have ever seen from a sports executive:
“I had a million good reasons to love and admire Brendan. This news didn’t alter any of them.
I would prefer Brendan hadn’t decided to discuss this issue in this very public manner. There will be a great deal of reaction, and I fear a large portion will be negative. But this takes guts, and I admire Brendan greatly, and happily march arm in arm with him on this.
There are gay men in professional hockey. We would be fools to think otherwise. And it’s sad that they feel the need to conceal this. I understand why they do so, however.
Can a gay man advance in professional hockey? He can if he works for the Toronto Maple Leafs! Or for Miami University Hockey. God bless [Miami coach] Rico Blasi! And I am certain these two organizations are not alone here.
I wish this burden would fall on someone else’s shoulders, not Brendan’s. Pioneers are often misunderstood and mistrusted. But since he wishes to blaze this trail, I stand beside him with an axe! I simply could not be more proud of Brendan than I am, and I love him as much as I admire him.”
Brendan and Brian Burke
What’s also cool is that the players on the Miami hockey team, and the coaches, have totally accepted Brendan being part of the program (he’s a student manager who helps break down game tape). They are so blase about it (“OK, Burkie’s gay. Who cares? Pass the beer nuts.”) that it gets buried in the detailed reaction of Brian Burke. Maybe their nonchalance is the bigger story here.
Brian Burke told the Toronto Star that the reaction to the story has been “awesome” and that his e-mail has been flooded with messages that have so far been positive, though he expects some negative reaction. There is a great anecdote in the Star piece where Brian Burke tells of being confronted in California last year by anti-gay marriage advocates. “I told them to (expletive) get lost,” he said.
Brian Burke hopes his reputation as a no-nonsense hockey lifer will add weight to the story.
“I’ve got six kids, I drive a truck, I own a shotgun and I chew tobacco, so sure, this adds a different dimension,” Brian Burke said. “This isn’t about me and it isn’t about the GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs. It’s about a young man who has done something that takes a lot of courage.
“But if my acceptance can turn into more acceptance on the part of other people, that’s great.”
Brendan Burke, who hopes to land a job in hockey, sounds like a great guy. That shouldn’t be such a surprise when you consider the kind of man his father is.
on Nov 25th, 2009 at 9:39 AM
How great it will be when the day (hopefully) comes and this kind of story is the norm rather than the exception.
on Nov 25th, 2009 at 12:27 PM
This story is receiving huge play here in Toronto. There is mention of the story in the banner across the top of The Toronto Star and then the story itself is the lead sports story taking up the almost entire front page of the sports section. It is also listed as today’s most read story on their website.
George – clearly Brian Burke feels like you as the subheading in The Star story quotes Burke as saying ‘I hope the day comes – and soon – when this is not a story’.
Some of the other great quotes from the story..
“I just wish every parent could experience having a child like him.”
And Jim – just a minor correction – the Burke’s attended the Pride Parade in Toronto last year but were not actually IN the parade. Brian Burke is quoted in The Star article as saying… “A few people recognized me and said hello,” said Burke. “I would have marched in it if I’d known more about it. I’ll march next year if I’m asked.”
I suggest somebody from the Pride Toronto office get on the phone to the Air Canada Centre to invite him – and let him know that because of the G-20 being in Toronto on Pride’s normal dates – that the Burke’s make their 4th of July holiday plans for north of the border – with our Pride parade on July 4th this year.
That would be just fantastic to see him in the parade with his son with how much The Leafs mean up here.
on Nov 25th, 2009 at 1:47 PM
What a great story amid so much pain, suffering and death in the news. My dad was ex-military, very much like Brian Burke in his “lifestyle” (hahaha) and I too was terrified to tell him. Of course, he’d known since I was a teenager, all those Bowie and Elton John records I listened to obsessively didn’t escape his notice.
Brian Burke did a great job in turning around my boys the Canucks, if he’s in charge and the Leafs win the Stanley Cup, he’ll be a God in Toronto forever. Of course, the Leafs have to actually make the playoffs sometime………
Love the play this story is getting.
on Nov 25th, 2009 at 2:51 PM
great story but wow that’s alotta homophobic comments on the ESPN site. Until a great pro athlete finally comes out and has the support of his teammates I’m afraid this type of bigotry will always exist amongst the dumb jock faction…..
on Nov 25th, 2009 at 4:40 PM
Dammit! You’re giving me a legitimate reason to actually cheer for the Leafs! My world is being turned upside down. Left is right! Good is evil! Black is white!
on Nov 25th, 2009 at 7:04 PM
……Human sacrifices, dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!
on Nov 25th, 2009 at 9:00 PM
I’m with blueraider.
on Nov 25th, 2009 at 11:36 PM
great story but wow that’s alotta homophobic comments on the ESPN site
I almost clicked on the link there to read the comments, but I thought “Um, this place is going to attract a lot of hate”, I didn’t want to spoil my breakfast.
Until a great pro athlete finally comes out and has the support of his teammates I’m afraid this type of bigotry will always exist amongst the dumb jock faction…..
I don’t think a great pro athlete coming out *while he’s still playing* will mean all that much once the hysteria dies down. I think the most we can hope for is that if that ever happens, other athletes will feel OK with coming out. I have a very low opinion of sports fans, I mean, there’s actually people that root for the Dodgers, Cowboys, Celtics and Liverpool FC!
on Nov 25th, 2009 at 11:45 PM
Woops, forgot where I am, Henry Holland = Jim Allen, obviously.
I Googled Brian Burke gay and this really good article on Yahoo! Sports was the first hit.
on Nov 26th, 2009 at 4:43 PM
Blueraider – don’t do it! Don’t become a Leafs fans. It would be as painful as being a fan of the ‘Norwood is wide right’ Bills, who we are likely to get stuck with after Ralph Wilson dies up here in Toronto too. sigh!
I posted this video link over in the discussion board – but will add it here too. It is the between periods interview shown across canada on TSN last night with both Burkes.
http://watch.tsn.ca/nhl/clip239464#clip239464
on Nov 26th, 2009 at 8:31 PM
Henry Holland’s comment was nice until he mentioned the celtics. so many haters.
great father, that GM.
on Nov 26th, 2009 at 9:48 PM
Awesome story…now if we could just get someone in MLB to step forward…
on Nov 27th, 2009 at 1:01 AM
To DruggyBear and Henry Holland, I remember last year the flap in the NBA when Hardaway went on a gay-bashing rant on TV in response to a recently-retired (I think) player coming out. It caused a holy shitstorm in the media. LeBron James, clearly being the unofficial face of that league, stepped forward and said (paraphrased), “Who gives a damn if he’s gay or straight? He wears the same logo on his chest as you do, he’s your brother and you support him no matter what.” I had such a swell of respect for James when he took that stance and said that, when he could have just perpetrated the same old locker room mood by saying nothing.
It’s not quite a superstar player coming out himself, but when the de facto face of the league comes forward with a statement like that, I think it means a lot nonetheless.
on Nov 28th, 2009 at 5:52 PM
I’m not a hockey fan but because of this story, the Maple Leafs are now my favorite team! Congrats to both Brenden and Brian and their family.
on Nov 28th, 2009 at 8:35 PM
Why hasn’t the gay press such as Advocate picked up this story. It is quite important in terms of equality and breaking down stereotypes that are ignorant an illogical. However, I suspect that our own gay press is more prone to support feminine and victim based stories because they don’t get anyhting else.
on Nov 30th, 2009 at 12:35 AM
The saddest thing about this is that Brendan was a hockey player, and quit because of the anti-gay vibe in the locker room. Its great that the team accepts him, but if he were playing hockey and in the the locker room, would they accept him the same? I hope so.
on Dec 15th, 2009 at 5:35 PM
In Montréal I believe we are excepting of no matter what,, even the rest of Canada in general minus maybe Alberta. The toughest guys I know who play sports are gay and do not want it to be known. One day maybe this will all change and nobody could care less.