Christine Daniels in 2007.
Sportswriter Mike Penner of the Los Angeles Times has died at 52. His body was found at his home and suicide was the suspected cause of death, the paper reported.
Penner, a very gifted writer, made headlines in 2007 when he announced he was transsexual and changed his name to Christine Daniels. In 2008, he transitioned back and became Mike Penner again. I last saw Mike shortly after he had transitioned back to a male. It was a short and awkward meeting as he told me he was struggling and didn’t want to talk.
In August 2007, Christine Daniels was honored by the National Gay and Lesbian Journalists Assn. at its convention in San Diego for telling her story publicly.
“I am a transsexual sports writer,” Penner wrote in his first column discussing his transition. “It has taken more than 40 years, a million tears and hundreds of hours of soul-wrenching therapy for me to work up the courage to type those words.”
He became somewhat of a celebrity in the LGBT community and was sought after as a speaker. At our last meeting, I sensed he was embarassed that he created a stir, only to switch back. I never judged Mike and only wanted him to find a happiness that seemed to elude him. He was a warm and gentle human being and I am saddened by his death. May he rest in peace.
on Nov 28th, 2009 at 8:27 PM
One in three of us don’t make it.
We say that, but it doesn’t register to others. Most of our deaths go unremarked and unpublicised. What it means in practice, that one in three, hundreds every year, will actually find the persecution too much to deal with, and kill themselves, that isn’t understood at a visceral rather than an intellectual level.
You know that a bill that would allow us not to be summarily fired is now stalled in Congress as being “too controversial”? The Employee Non Discrimination Act would still allow us to be ejected from restaurants, refused entry to taxis, refused loans or rental accommodation, not even allowed to use public drinking fountains. It would only stop us from being persecuted at the workplace. But even that’s too much for some.
It was too hard at the first attempt for Mike to become Christine. But it was too hard for Christine to try to be Mike too. There is a limit to what mere flesh and blood can endure, and for some of us, the difficulties can seem too great to bear.
I try to help. Sometimes I succeed. Not always though, and I’m just so terribly sorry that what help I was able to give from Australia wasn’t enough.
My condolences to all those who are crying now, sharing our mutual loss.
on Nov 28th, 2009 at 9:23 PM
Well said Zoe
on Nov 28th, 2009 at 10:13 PM
life is tough for us gays with all the inequality and religious persecution in this country but i never imagine how much tougher it is for those of us who are transgendered, so thank you Zoe for educating us and R.I.P. Mike
on Nov 28th, 2009 at 10:39 PM
Very sad news. I met Christine through Jim and had a couple really nice chats about Los Angeles sports, sports writing and our mutual disdain for the odious Tommy Lasorda. Mike was a fantastic writer and I’m so sorry he couldn’t reconcile the conflicts within. RIP.
on Nov 28th, 2009 at 10:41 PM
one in three is probably a low estimet. considering that many may destroy the evidence before ending their lives.
on Nov 28th, 2009 at 11:36 PM
[...] some nice remembrances, check out Jim Buzinksi at Outsports and Autumn Sandeen at Pam’s House [...]
on Nov 29th, 2009 at 7:29 AM
Sadly I’m unsurprised by this. For people that are transexual the day they come to self acceptance is a huge day for them. Penner had that day, but then for other reasons found it was necessary to attempt to undo that. The problem was Penner had already tasted that self, that freedom of knowing and living as their true self. Remember Pener had written, when the world learned through the self written article about the struggle and pain, how it just wasn’t possible to continue that fight any longer.
And for a short time there was real life in Penner. But at the same time there was a new pain being felt and dealt with.
It’s that extra pain that sometimes causes people to attempt to undo, go back to living as they once did. But if it was hard before, it’s ten times hard and emotionally horrific this time.
For people, who have transexual medical issues, in the end for many it comes down to, can I continue living like this if I can never be me, and for many that answer is no.
And going through this in the public eye makes this that much harder.
The other day I read an article from the Boston Hearold. The headline began “Tranny…..” And so people dealing with transsexuality get such ridicule even from the places that are suppose to report news and events, without their bigoted slant added, but that just seems to never happen out there for people with transsexualism.
Until the day when there is more education happening, sadly there will continue to be sad events like suicide, horrendous murders, firings, beatings, disowning and more to those out there who have transsexualism. Even in the general gay/lesbian community can we find bigotry towards women and men who have dealt with transsexualism. Michigan Women’s Music Festival is aprime example of that, where they openly say they do not think the women are women, and to be consistent by the way they act, they say the same about the men, who are welcome.
Many gay men look at men who have gone through transsexulism won’t give them the time of day, and the very idea that “one of them” might attend one of their bath houses?
We see it from other minorities as well. And to me the one thing a minority always has the same as another is that they face more challenges then those who are not minorities.
Yep much more education needs to begin, and begin younger. We already see younger people coming to self acceptance, and to their credit we are seeing families stand behind them, unike days of the past.
A beginning in that education is learning and reminding others that be they are woman, with a transexual background, men, with a transexual background, the thing to remember is they are women first, they are men first.
Transsexualism is only but a small part of the person, much like a disability, or even eye colour is.
They are always people first.
on Nov 29th, 2009 at 9:35 AM
What a tragedy. I had the pleasure of interviewing Mike for my GLBT sports column, “The OutField,” in 2007. Here’s the link:
http://www.pridesource.com/article.html?article=27059
on Nov 29th, 2009 at 12:14 PM
Oh my goodness – that is sad. It’s got to be tough being a public figure while transitioning even if the process itself goes well. No doubt the problems he had combined with all the ridicule that circulated within the social/professional circles he traveled to make an intolerable situation for him – especially after becoming Christine and then going back.
Maybe one day the pressure society puts on people that are different will cease but for now it still crushes way too many wonderful people. I am very active within the Faith community working on the issue of acceptance and understanding of the great diversity of God’s creation. I do this in the hope of relieving some of this pressure and ending the circulation of total mis-information about us. God does not look on the outward appearances, but on the heart and people need to follow that lead. Simply put I preach that nobody ought to die or face ridicule because of who they are! How many more must die?
In the few times I have doubted myself in the process of transition I simply have to take a moment to look back at the misery I was in and I know I could never go back to living as a man, but then I did not have the pressures of being so public both before and after and then going back. I really am sad that Mike never found real peace in his own skin – everyone deserves that in their life.
Goodbye Mike. May God grant you that peace now.
on Nov 29th, 2009 at 2:09 PM
How sad for this tragedy, I followd Mike’s story like everyone, I to have made the journey from male to female and had the same thoughts. But the day Diane came to life I knew their was no turning back, no matter have much I tried too.
I have been one of those who have been blessed to have transitioned well in my life and within my job, also a very male dominated profession a Mercedes Benz technician.
I tried my very best with years of torment, pain and guilt, and with the lose of lossing my wife and daughter, who I love deeply, but the choice was for me as I sat with the thoughts of ending my life, so that my family wouldn’t have to deal with this and me with ending my pain.
Just the thought of my daughter finding me was to much, I made the choice to live and hoped and prayed that someday they would realize it was better for me as Diane and to live, then Bill dead. Thank God for my son Brian, he has ony love in his heart and has given me my strength.
My condolences to Mikes Family
on Nov 29th, 2009 at 2:15 PM
I think if the LATimes hadn’t made his story such a big deal (the blog!) he might have had an easier time. No one needs to have every detail made public.
on Nov 29th, 2009 at 5:08 PM
Mike was the one who chose to discuss it at the time. No one forced him to write about it.
on Nov 30th, 2009 at 9:42 AM
This obit, like many, has comments. This site, however, is one that I will leave a comment on, as, unlike most- this has some well thought out replies, and I wanted to thank you folks for that.
Only the therapist will know why the decision was made to de-transition. I hope the truth does come out, at least in medical circles, as , and i hate to say this and sound cold- but we do need to know, it might save a life. I live in guy mode most of the time, and I told a few folks “what” i was a few months ago, but this story, when it first came out, reminded me that even at 41, i was not done becoming human- i had another thing that needed to be done.I do not know if i will ever be able to transition- i cannot afford therapy, much less srs, but I have accepted me, the woman, who forgets to put the seat down ( still) , who has to shave.And tries to “pass” without seeming overtly or overly Fem in appearance.
I wish that the person who this obit entails had found a similar level of peace inside, but i have been there quite a few times myself ( if this does turn out to be self harm ).
I ramble- Rest in Peace
on Nov 30th, 2009 at 1:15 PM
I have appreciated all the thoughtful comments here by people who can relate what Mike was going through.
on Dec 3rd, 2009 at 5:41 PM
That Mike Penner’s death is a tragedy goes without saying. If you are transgendered and undertake a transition, you will get nothing more and nothing less than life as the person you are. Nothing is potentially more rewarding, which is why the potential risks and costs are so great.
One thing that may have made Mike’s decision so difficult is that he worked in such a male-dominated profession. One thing I learned in my own transition is how much authority and respect one can command simply for being male, especially among other males. Some who transition simply cannot, or at least find it very difficult to, give up that privilege, especially if significant parts of their professional and personal reputations rest upon it.
I hope that he will find peace that he could not find in this life.