We’ve gotten a couple of e-mails recently from openly gay college athletes wanting to tell their story on Outsports. Over the years, we’ve told the stories of dozens of out college and high school athletes. What makes these young men different from the other stories we’ve read is that they don’t want to use their real names, and one of them doesn’t want to use the name of the college he’s at.
While we’ve written a couple articles about closeted athletes, these are coming-out stories…with athletes who won’t use their names. What do you think of that? If it’s a good story, is it worth telling even if the athlete won’t use his name?
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 5:03 PM
I understand and am okay with those who wish to remain anonymous. While being anonymous and out seem to be contradictory to each other, I do not think they are. As for me, I am out to friends, some co-workers, and some family. I really don’t feel like the whole world really needs to know. And, of course, there are some who won’t be able to handle it; thus, being the non-confrontational person that I am, will just keep them in the dark.
The athletes who come out anonymously on Outsports either does not want the attention centered on them or they are simply looking for supports and a means to tell his or her story. The internet was my place, when I was younger and discovering myself, for support. It was an outlet for me to be myself and communicate with others who were the same. For athletes, Outsports may be their outlet and support and if we shun them because they decide to remain anonymous, that will hurt them. Perhaps the support they receive from us will give them the courage and strength to come out publicly in the future, or at the very least, make them more comfortable with themselves and come out to their friends, family, and colleagues.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 5:26 PM
There’s value in everyone’s story. It’s not “coming out” if it’s anonymous, but what they have to say may still be helpful to others in similar situations, and may ultimately pave the way for them (or others) to come out for real down the road.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 5:28 PM
If they don’t want to identify themselves, are their stories really all that compelling or interesting? And what does such a story send to the closeted kids such as Mikey the hockey player? Seems to me like there’s a mixed message.
Also, this again goes to how we define being openly gay and in or out of the closet. Anderson Cooper seems to have a boyfriend but has never explicitly said “I’m gay.” But he doesn’t come off as flamboyant so I’m sure plenty of people don’t think of him as gay. Johnny Weir, on the other hand, is extremely flamboyant. I seriously doubt many people consider him straight. But what if, against all odds, he is?
My preference is to read coming-out stories from people who are fully out. Those who are closeted are at least honest about that fact.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 5:52 PM
I have no problem with someone sharing the facts of their life but not necessarily wanting to become a public figure. In other cases, I know that coming out doesn’t just bring scrutiny on yourself, but in these cases may bring scrutiny on team mates and their athletic programs to which the athlete doesn’t want to subject others, and can respect that motivation.
I think you need to use your discretion to decide if the story is still a good one without the name or the context, and your journalistic skills to evaluate whether the anonymity is warranted or just being used to prevent relevant facts from being known.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 6:48 PM
I think it’s fair that someone who is out to those around them may not want to be out to the world. With being that out comes a lot of media scrutiny.
I think if the stories send a positive message then why not share them.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 7:19 PM
I would just be careful that you are able to verify the truthfulness of any story that you post. At least you and Jim should know the real names and real schools of anyone who submits a story. It’s too easy for this to turn into a venue for fictional feel good stories when there’s too much anonymity and inability to verify facts.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 7:52 PM
Hi:
In this case we are talking about athletes where Cyd and I know the ID, but are allowing the athlete to remain anonymous. When we write about other blogs, we let the reader know that we have not verified their ID.
“If they don’t want to identify themselves, are their stories really all that compelling or interesting?”
That for me is a key consideration. If it’s too generic, the story loses its value.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 8:51 PM
I think there is value though in other closeted gay athletes being able to know there are others like them out there. It really does depend on the story though, I suppose.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 9:14 PM
Depends on the story.
I agree that if it’s too generic, what value does it have? I also agree, quite honestly, with the gentleman who mentioned the mixed messages we send when we have more closeted or anonymous blogs and then manage to find one or two guys willing to be out. What does that tell youth?
In the end it’s up to them to write it and you guys to decide whether to link it, but I will say this. The main problem with the internet are all these mushy stories people are too afraid to tell the real people in their lives. It encourages anonymity, it encourages a dependence on straight “allies”, and quite frankly, part of me is of the mind that if you can’t tell your mother something, I don’t you ought to be blogging about it.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 9:24 PM
Telling their stories is the first step in coming out. I think that is a good thing. If you and Cyd are confident the story is legit then I think it is worthwhile publishing it. Those who do not want to read them can skip them as they do anything else that doesn’t interest them.
These stories will be even more important some day.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 9:45 PM
As an out member of a collegiate sports team, I fully understand the perspective of these athletes. Rarely is it good to draw attention to oneself when competing on a team sport. I came out to my high school rowing team, and I got a little bit of media attention, and to some degree, I feel bad about it because it drew attention to me instead of my team. At the same time, I received a lot of positive feedback from other people in my situation. If there were a way to share my story without needing to explicitly bring attention to myself, I would have done it.
Cyd+Jim, I’d be very interested in reading these coming out stories. Perhaps, if they’re comfortable with it, you could supply an (anonymous) email address with their stories if some of us wished to connect/network with each other.
on Mar 10th, 2010 at 10:30 PM
An athlete not telling his name isnt always what you think it is. for me i am out to my family and close friends and your sport is part of yourlife and you dont hide who you are while at the same time you feel that names isnt everything if people e-mail a person they can find out who this person is or even if they want someone to talk to.
People who write on here need support because they feel alone not only on the fields and the mats but in life. Where people will judge them and when they make a break through they dont want brought down because of who they sleep with. I know i had this discussion with an athlete the other day. He said ” Your the only dude i know that could crack a skull and then dance like your a 140 pound white boy that i would call my hero”! thats more important to know that even though a few of my athletes know who i am they respect the person above all else because that is what you want them to represent.
Put it this way if you want to know who they are just spend less than five minutes on-line and have some fun with it trying to figure out who the person is cause to tell you the truth Google is all it takes.
Ak
on Mar 11th, 2010 at 2:13 AM
Great comments already!
I agree with the general feeling that if the person’s story checks out (legit) then why not?
If that story can help inspire even one person then I think you’ve done your job.
on Mar 11th, 2010 at 9:54 AM
One small step for …. seems justifiable for you(subject to your aforesaid vetting) to post such stories as it may be their only outlet and as others have observed may help others-what’s and where’s the harm?
on Mar 11th, 2010 at 11:25 AM
I think I’m gonna be one of the naysayers for one simple reason: there are probably millions of stories about athletes who are out to one degree or another. (And do we even want to get into the “what defines out?” game? Parents? Friend(s)? Teammates?). Hell, I have my own and I suspect LOTS of readers do to.
But just some anonymous athlete who has found acceptance from his team? Ok….that’s great but so what? I think that’s probably happening more and more every day and there’s an argument to be made that progress toward seeing out professional athletes will happen because of this. But to remain anonymous, it’s just another generic ‘human interest story.’
I guess what I would want to know is WHY do they want to tell their story? I don’t want to be cynical but, what’s their angle? The 100% out athletes telling their story are, I would argue, by default compelling.
on Mar 11th, 2010 at 12:40 PM
It is called “coming out” for a reason–you actually come out.
Leave these folks, and their stories, to be told in less reputable forums.
Feature the real men and women of gay sports on OutSports.com.
on Mar 11th, 2010 at 12:42 PM
[know is WHY do they want to tell their story? I don’t want to be cynical but, what’s their angle?]
Sometimes these stories are to help others and maybe bring others into the mix mabye even people who support LGBT rights in know if not for people like Hudson Taylor i would live in fear, but because i was able to bond with him and relate to somone although younger than me i felt it was ok to tell him about outsports.
on Mar 11th, 2010 at 1:15 PM
Coming out is a private and personal thing. Most of us came out when we felt it was the right time to come out. No one, except those who do us harm, i.e. politicans and religous leaders should ever be outed. When an athlete feels it is the right time they can say those magical words I’M GAY.
Each case needs to be looked at on it own individual merit. And let us not forget that what applies in one area doesn’t apply in another.
Should someone come out if they are going to some religous institution, like Baylor for example where they could get kicked out from the school for going against the moral code of the institution? Or should someone come out if there is not a supportive community to support said athlete? Would you come out, let’s say in a small religious school in a small Mississippi town? Who knows, maybe times have changed.
Stories about gay athletes are important not just for the person but it puts a face on the diversity of our community. Why haven’t people come out in professional team sports? I think we all know the answer.
The media would rather focus on the familar. The less than masculine aspect of our community. Those gay athletes that do come out shows a strengh that goes beyond just being a athlete. What we forget is how important this is to the evolution of the gay movement. But it must be done only when the person in question is ready and has the support system needed to take the next step as an open gay athlete.
on Mar 11th, 2010 at 1:53 PM
@Justin and Leland, thank you. Exactly what I hoped a few others besides myself would say!
on Mar 11th, 2010 at 2:22 PM
Cyd and Jim, I think you should publish them. You know there identities and can vouch for them, and thats all that matters IMO.
I WANNA READ EM@
on Mar 11th, 2010 at 3:26 PM
an anonymous “coming out”? sounds pretty uninteresting. besides don’t you already have these? aren’t some your mikeys or sluggers out to at least one person already? their brother? their best friend? a teammate? what’s the difference? who cares about some anonymous lacrosse player at some obscure school coming out to his coach? unless they both get it on after that, we’ve read all this before.
by doing this you are enabling their shame about what they are, when they have nothing to be ashamed of at all. you should only print stories about athletes who are fully out, not half-assed out.
on Mar 12th, 2010 at 2:07 AM
Dawson: “Should someone come out if they are going to some religious institution, like Baylor for example where they could get kicked out from the school for going against the moral code of the institution? Or should someone come out if there is not a supportive community to support said athlete?”
They may not want to come out in that case. The question is, if they’re at such a school, to whom are they out? If it’s not teammates, because odds are that at such a school there would be some teammates who aren’t accepting, they’re only out to family and friends. Those coming-out stories can be told in many places and aren’t as relevant to Outsports.
But if they ARE at a school with a supportive atmosphere (religious or otherwise), and if their goal in having their stories told is to help others, why would they NOT want to give their names and the names of the schools so that currently closeted kids have some leads on where THEY might want to go to college and benefit from that supportive atmosphere?
on Mar 12th, 2010 at 1:18 PM
Joe–What I am trying to express is that there is a risk in going to schools that have a moral code of conduct. That has to be taken into account when someone decides to come out. It is a personal decision that could have a deleterious effect on the individual. Some school when a student breaks the moral code of conduct are required to pay the school back for all past and current expenses.
One needs to look at the complete picture when coming out and that is why a support system is so important. On the other hand I would hope that most people would feel free to come out rather then have to hold it in which I feel is unhealthy, yet I am in no position to say what is best for any individual person. Again it is a personal decision.
I enjoy reading the stories of our gay athletes anonymous or not. One of the great break throughs in our gay evolution will be when more and more gay athletes come out thus giving another face to our diversity. To me there is no one stronger then a gay athlete or military personal who comes out (I also believe we owe a debt of gratitude to the drag queens that fought the police at Stonewall). Maybe I didn’t express it in the manner I was attempting to.
on Mar 12th, 2010 at 4:48 PM
Dawson, don’t worry — you expressed your views just fine.
I just feel that, since I don’t know the details about these athletes’ situations, I don’t know if they’re telling coming-out stories that will really help those closeted kids. I think if more athletes are able to fully come out — to their teammates and coaches as well as their loved ones — and tell their stories without hiding their names or their schools, this will increase the likelihood that someday, a man in a major pro sport will do the same. And once one man does, others will (because it’s hard to be a leader, but not so hard to follow), and then the dominoes really begin to topple for all gay athletes, and for everyone in general.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 11:57 PM
I think it’s fine to withhold the athletes real name as long as the editor/publisher is aware of the real name and is able to independently confirm statements made.
Some people are out to everyone in their own little world, but putting your name in print on the internet for all to see is another issue and I don’t think it’s necessary.
on Mar 17th, 2010 at 5:44 PM
I trust JIm and Cyd to winnow out inauthentic submissions and to support people who are taking the “next step”in coming out, which might very well include this very column. We all know that coming out to yourself is the first and probably most important step I admire anyone who initiates the process and celebrate whatever step they take – even if it represents uncertainty or prospective or wished for action. I have suffered, like others, from direct and indirect bad consequences for being out, although the positive consequences outweigh negative results.
on Jun 25th, 2010 at 12:23 AM
There are many, many opportunities for closeted LGBT to anonymously share their story.
Please checkout Project: OUT on Facebook
Also, awallflower.com