It is moving and also practical and well worth your time:

Dear Little Andrew,

By now you probably have concluded that you aren’t like the other kids. You’re different. You’re gay and it’s okay. First of all, you were born gay. There is nothing you can say or do to be straight you can act straight and spend lots of time and effort to convince others you are straight but you are just lying to yourself and others. The greatest good you can do is be yourself, because all the people that don’t like who you are don’t matter. Fuck the haters. You don’t have to come out right away but you can stop convincing yourself that conforming to everyone else in middle/high school will help you survive it. Being different is a great gift it makes you interesting and stand out from people.

Stop fearing the gay community and your future in it. The parades, “flamers”, and all that pride are not bad things. You will find that the gay community has some of the nicest people you will know be it LGBT people or those who support us. They are friends who will like you for you, embrace it. Also stop hating on the “flamers” although you may not feel and act the way you do and you don’t appreciate the stereotypes they bring, they are human too, respect that.

Focus on what is really important. I know people have been “dating” from 5th grade to now, but being gay is different. For one, you can’t expect to get a boyfriend without being out, plus even if you are out not many others are. Gay relationships are rare at young ages and if you do happen to get one appreciate it. However, relationships aren’t the most important thing to worry about and get hung up on. You have talents, hobbies, sports, school, and friends to focus on. They are dependable and useful and ultimately your safest bet to succeed in life.

Surround yourself with the right friends who will support you. There’s not much of a point in befriending that really homophobic kid that trash talks gays all the time. Find the good ones that support gay rights and ultimately the true you. Also, you’ll be surprised how many of the kids these days really do support LGBT. Change is happening!

Lastly, I can’t stress this enough. Love yourself. You are perfect the way you are, hold on to your uniqueness and appreciate it. Any obstacle you face can be overcome, there will always be tomorrow so keep calm and carry on.

Sincerely,
Older Andrew

On a more humorous note, check out Andrew’s Gay Ten Commandments.

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Your colleagues in the France team were aware that you’re gay?
In fact, everyone knows about me. My family has always accepted. In the middle, people know I’m gay and it’s not because I’m gay that clubs do not want me. In the France team, there has never been any barriers between us.

Do you feel now to have a job to do?
No, but if talking about it can change attitudes, it is. I think it’s a matter of education. Anyway, everything starts from there. My family has always accepted. My nephews, for example, know that I’m gay, it’s never been a problem. We are not aliens, we are human beings.

She also told Yagg.com that she came out in Hand Action magazine simply because the reporter asked her a question about how she spends her time, and she couldn’t answer honestly without mentioning her girlfriend. It says a lot: Sometimes  you just have to ask the question to get the answer.

According to Yagg.com editor Judith Silberfeld, Lacrabère is one of the top players on the national team that finished second to Norway in the World Championships.

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Brendan and Brian Burke

There was an awesome interview yesterday with Brian Burke, general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, about whether the NHL is ready for an openly gay player. Burke’s son, Brendan, was gay and died two years ago in a car accident. Brian Burke has become a strong public advocate for gays in sports. Here is what he told George Stromboulopoulos of the CBC:

Oh, it’s going to happen. It’s going to happen and it’s gonna take less courage than that player thinks.

Right now, a player who’s contemplating that is thinking the whole world’s going to be arrayed against him and be this mountain he’s gotta climb. And I think he’s gonna find — I really believe this, watching the acceptance that my son got when he came out, in the hockey community at Miami University — this athlete that has the courage to come out, is going to find that hill’s a lot less steep than he thinks it is. That there’s a lot of support. I know the players on our team have all spoken to me about it, and said, absolutely, a gay player is welcome here.

“A lot less courage.” Thank you, Brian Burke! I get sick of hearing how “impossible” it is for a gay player to come out and the hand-wringing that goes on and keeps these guys in the closet. Here is an NHL G.M., a guy with the power to hire and fire, saying a gay player would be welcome on his team.

The whole interview is great, including where Burke talks about how he never allowed discriminatory comments of any kind in his household:

Hat tip to SB Nation

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There is no doubt in my mind that in the next 10 years we have an openly gay footballer,” Barton said on the program “Britain’s Gay Footballers.”  “My only fear is that certain managers and individuals within the game will discriminate against people.

“These archaic figures think if they had a gay footballer, they would have all kinds of shenanigans going on in the dressing room. That’s not the case. As I say it’s more fool them and their lack of social awareness and intelligence.”

Barton talked about what a great legacy his current generation of players could create if they embraced an openly gay teammate. And he spoke movingly about how his uncle struggled before coming to terms with his sexuality.

“For a lot of years he was in turmoil and was resenting himself for the fact he had these feelings.

“I was like, ‘I love you for you — not for the fact that you are straight or bisexual or all different manner of things. I love you because you’re you.’ “

The BBC show has already aired and I have not yet had the time to watch, but would appreciate feedback from anyone who has.

Hat tip to Billy Witz.

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I put it on me. I don’t really think there were ever any incidents outwardly that I can remember where I felt particularly offended by something that had happened or something that someone had said. I had just made the decision…that I just didn’t know what would happen. That was really my problem. No one in a position like mine had ever taken this step. I couldn’t watch anybody go through it and say, ‘You know, that can work out okay.’ So maybe I’m just not going to risk it.

And I had great family, great friends that were supportive. But I just put a barrier around that part of my life in my work environment…. “

With every person in sports like Welts who comes out, the fear of the unknown shrinks. With all of the coming-out stories in sports we’ve heard since 2000, not a single one in male sports has been negative. Last year was a bellwether year, with so many people coming out across the spectrum of sports…and all of them being met with open arms.

Some of those open arms were from Welts’ new team, the Golden State Warriors:

The next day I got a call from the new owners of the Golden State Warriors, who just paid the highest price ever paid for an NBA team. It was so great. They knew my story before we sat down. And we spoke for probably six hours the first time we got together, and it wasn’t until about four hours into the conversation there was one question: ‘Hey, how did that ownership in Phoenix react to that announcement of yours.’

As we all know, Welts got the job.

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Nick Clark

Nick Clark, 25, is the assistant men’s and women’s volleyball coach at Pfeiffer University in Misenheimer, N.C.

By Nick Clark

I am just a little past the midway point of my first season as an “out” coach. It has been largely gratifying with few hiccups. I was hired by Pfeiffer University in May 2011, a month after an article was written about me on Outsports. I am so happy and thankful for the article. I was inspired by those who had articles written about them and I saw how much it helped me and I wanted to help others in return. I received many emails from people all over the country. All were positive. They shared their own lives with me. Some were out and others were still closeted. Some were athletes and others were just sports fans.

I have had such great reception from both the men’s and women’s volleyball teams at Pfeiffer. I was in a team meeting with the guys in late August when the students were returning to campus. It was important to me that I share with them my homosexuality from the start, to begin building trust. I didn’t want to go back into the closet and not share my life with them.

I was incredibly nervous and my heart was racing. It was well received and they really didn’t comment all that much. Some of them had a stunned look on their face, while others already knew because they read the article. Within the next few days, I was approached by some of the guys and they gave me their support and let me know that they had my back. It was a major relief. I could do what I came here to do — coach.

A few weeks later, a young woman approached me from the women’s team. She is a member of the newspaper and asked me if I would give an interview about being a gay coach. I was happy to since I felt it was important for the students on campus to know that they have a resource to use. I also felt it was important that the athletic department knew that I was an out gay man.

I got nothing but positive feedback from the interview and was asked in September to speak to the Spectrum Club, the university’s gay-straight alliance. The date was set for Oct. 11, National Coming Out Day. I was incredibly nervous and hesitated to answer. I love what I do and I don’t care for the spotlight. I would rather work behind the scenes and help others achieve. But I knew it was important to give the speech, so I reluctantly said yes.

One morning, I was in my office, when the village pastor came in. He wanted to know if I would be interested in reading a scripture verse at church the day after I give my speech. I told him that I was interested but wouldn’t commit for a few different reasons. The first being my job security. I was concerned that some board members or the president would be in attendance and seek to get rid of me. He reassured me that the university is committed to inclusion and works to provide an umbrella of safety for all of the students and faculty.

He also told me that he would not let a dismissal happen and that he was in my corner along with many other people within the administration. The second reason I was reluctant was because I didn’t want to be viewed as endorsing the church. This is all coming at a time when the extreme religious right is seeking to take away rights for the LGBT community. He began to share with me details about his life and reassured me that those extremists don’t speak for everyone. I told him that I would like to think about it. After going home that night and talking it over with my boyfriend, I decided that I would read the scripture, Isaiah 49.

The day came for me to give my speech. There was somewhere around 50 people there and I was told that was a lot for their meetings. Both volleyball teams were in attendance. The women even cut practice short to be able to come and listen. It was a great experience. People came up to me after and thanked me and asked questions. I received nothing but positive comments. The next day I read the scripture verse at church. The pastor gave his sermon about inclusion and loving all of God’s children. It was great to hear and it’s even better to see him everyday practicing what he preaches.

I share these experiences because they are all positive. I can’t imagine living life in the closet any longer and not being able to help change people’s minds about homosexuality. It is painful to read about gay teen suicides. I am a teacher at heart and this hits me the hardest. It’s up to us to make sure that the future generations have a safe and inclusive environment to grow up in. It is important for us to realize the position that we are in as coaches and athletes. We can make a change and a difference.

I was nervous about starting my new job and shared that with some of the members of Equality Coaching Alliance, a Facebook group conceived of as a virtual meeting place for coaches to discuss LGBT coaching issues. They threw their support my way and reassured me they will help me in any way possible. The group is ever growing with allies from all walks of life joining. The support is there and the safety nets are spreading throughout the country. It’s time for a change. It’s time for coaches and athletes come out and help make athletics safe.

I hope that closeted coaches and athletes will read this and gain inspiration. I hope that they will realize how important it is to come out and help make things better for the next generation. I hope that those who are thinking about coming out do so and it is my hope that those who are closeted begin to seriously think about coming out and realize all of the good things that will happen.

Athletics is sometimes referred to as the last closet and it’s time we opened the doors.

Nick Clark can be reached via email at nclark85@hotmail.com or on Facebook.

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Many people, gay and straight, wonder when we will have the first openly gay professional team-sport athlete in America. The truth is, we’ve already had him.

Andrew Goldstein was openly gay when the Boston Cannons drafted him in the 2005 Major League Lacrosse draft. While many athletes claim an out athlete will lose his position on the team if he comes out, Goldstein was selected by a team that knew perfectly well he was gay. Outsports had run a piece by Goldstein in late 2004 about his experience coming out to his college team. From that, ESPN aired a packaged piece on Goldstein, a startling goal he scored during a playoff game (Goldstein was a goalie), and his Dartmouth College team’s reaction to him being gay. With that, the Cannons still drafted him.

“Not a single person ever mentioned my sexuality to me,” Goldstein remembered. “It was only about lacrosse.”

A year later, Goldstein left the Cannons to play for the Long Island Lizards. I attended one of his games and was, in 2006, surprised at what a non-issue his sexual orientation was. Whether the fans I spoke with knew before I told them or not, none of them cared. It didn’t matter to the team, either.

“It isn’t an issue with us,” said team spokesperson Scott Neiss. “We’re a professional lacrosse team who drafted Andrew for his skills in the cage. His teammates are all professional about it, and he is treated like any other player by us.”

Goldstein said in his two years of playing Major League Lacrosse, he never heard a single opponent call him “faggot” or utter the word in any way.

“I can’t say my experience in this small, fringe sport is equivalent to what would happen in one of these big leagues,” Goldstein said. “All I can say is it wasn’t an issue and there was no reason for it to be an issue other than the issue itself.”

He left professional lacrosse in 2006 for practical matters: He was headed to UCLA to pursue a Ph.D. in molecular biology, which he received last year. He is now running a UCLA lab studying prostate cancer. Greg Garber, who produced the original piece for ESPN in 2005, told me recently, “Andrew’s going to cure cancer.”

With his professional sports-playing days behind him, Goldstein has turned to amateur gay athletics. It’s not easy finding a lacrosse game in Los Angeles, so he’s returned to ice hockey. He played with the Los Angeles Blades for several years; He won a gold medal in ice hockey playing with a Toronto-based team at the 2010 Gay Games.

Goldstein has also found a home with the GForce hockey team. The team was started years ago by Glenn Witman as a challenge to a straight local all-star team during Aspen Gay Ski Week. GForce still represents gay athletes while playing in mainstream tournaments, but it’s become a larger advocacy organization. Recently the group has spoken to the American Hockey Coaches Association, the University of Toronto and the University of Denver.

It was a trip to Boston, to speak to high school and college athletes on behalf of GForce, that most struck Goldstein. The mini tour included a forum with athletes and coaches from Boston College, Boston University, Harvard and Northeastern; Also on tap was a speech at the Northfield Mt. Hermon School, which sends more athletes to the Ivy League than any other (video of that speech is below).

While Goldstein had been a part of preaching-to-the-choir panel discussions, these audiences were filled with students, athletes and coaches from across the spectrum on the issue. Legendary college hockey coaches like Jerry York and Jack Parker sat with their teams and listened as Goldstein and other GForce members talked about the stinging power of gay slurs, among other issues.

“They were listening to us and asking questions about, ‘what do I do if an athlete comes out to me’ or ‘what should I be doing to change things’?” Goldstein said. “I’ve been part of these forums where you feel the people going are the people interested in changing homophobia in sports. But going right to these athletic teams and their coaches and having them ask questions…and they ask honest questions like, ‘are these gay athletes looking at us in the shower?’ Speaking to the athletes themselves is the biggest impact we can have instead of going to a panel that’s going to self-select the people who are interested in hearing about it.”

Now Goldstein is on a mission to recruit more athletes to push these tough conversations with athletes and coaches. His new challenge to gay athletes and allies is simple: Coming out isn’t enough anymore, you’ve got to get in the trenches, talk to more coaches, athletes an administrators and affect real change.

“Five years ago it was about coming out,” Goldstein said. “That was making a difference. I think now, that’s not enough. We need to be active and be vocal and educate people. What we’ve learned is the teachers and coaches are willing to help. They want to do what they can, but they don’t know what to do.

“Now I think we need to do more. A few voices saying something can only do so much, but hundreds of people going out and educating can make a big difference.”

The aim of his push is to stop the use of homophobic language in sports. This language contributes to an unfriendly environment for gay athletes, and that environment is what has driven so many gay athletes from sports.

“Homophobic language that goes around in sports and in schools shouldn’t be there, doesn’t need to be there, and I think won’t be there if people just realize the words they use are really hurtful, even if they don’t mean it,” Goldstein said. “If kids using terms like that don’t mean it, by all means we can get them to change it.”

Goldstein is now recovering from a hip injury that has kept him off the ice for months. As he sets his sights on prostate cancer, he is engulfed in work in his lab at UCLA. His partner, Jamie, a TV writer, isn’t much of a sports fan but supports Goldstein in his athletic endeavors.

Despite the hectic schedule, Goldstein has blossomed into a fierce advocate against homophobia and homophobic language in sports. We’re excited to see where that leads him next.

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Blogger and athlete Robert Scott

Phillip Parker, 14, of Gordonsville, Tenn., killed himself this month, a victim of constant bullying at school, his parents said. “He kept telling me he had a rock on his chest,” said Ruby Harris, Phillip’s grandmother. “He just wanted to take the rock off where he could breathe.” His death stunned his family (750 people attended his funeral) and should outrage us all. It angered Robert Scott, an openly gay high school soccer player in Memphis, who is part of the teen blog BradRobertBen we have written about before.

While [Philip] has passed and will be remembered as another of the wrongly killed students of our time, he has sparked something in me and others alike. We want to lift that rock from his chest – let him breathe freely without others freely bullying students like him.

Robert, 18, linked Philip’s death to a climate of anti-gay hatred in Tennessee, whose legislature might act again on what is called the “Don’t Say Gay” bill. The bill would make it illegal to discuss homosexuality in the classroom before ninth grade. The bill stalled last year but is poised to be reintroduced in the legislature this session. As Robert wrote:

If this is passed then the teaching/discussion of anything other than heterosexual issues in grades K-8 would be unlawful. This is a major setback to anyone determining their own sexuality. It might as well be saying that anyone in grades K-8 who thinks that they may be gay or bisexual should hide it from everyone.

If you think this is wrong, please speak out – at the very least for Phillip.

I am amazed at how far Robert has come in the year since I first met him. He was closeted, out to only a few people, before starting the blog with Ben Newcomer and Brad Usselman. He soon came out to his parents and friends and posted photos of himself on Facebook with his then-boyfriend. He will attend Augustana College this fall and will play soccer.

Through the blog, Robert and Ben (Brad is not an active athlete thus year and not writing there) have helped many other high school athletes wrestling with their sexuality. I have connected several with Robert, knowing they wanted to share with a peer. He has a great head on his shoulders and can relate to what they’re going through. I loved how Robert handled a classmate last fall who was part of a group asking whether he is gay:

Now being the kind of person I am, I enjoy confrontation – however, when I walked over to sharpen my pencil – one of the guys backed away from me like I had some sort of disease. I didn’t like this very much so I asked what his problem was, and he replied with the word ‘fag’ and other expletives. So I smiled at him, walked back to my seat, grabbed my bag, and headed to my English class to recite a memorization. … I left him with no comment but a smile to piss him off even more.

My point here is, even though you can’t always ‘win’ with words, By simply smiling you can make them feel like what they’re doing is truly not affecting you. Would I have loved to punched him in the face and degrade his lack of intelligence? Sure, who wouldn’t; however, it’s better to be mature and walk away because in the end, … I won’t see him but walking in the hallways for the rest of my high school career.

One blog won’t end teen suicides or change the world, but it and others like it have made a difference to some teens who feel a little less lonely and know there are others like them. That counts for something.

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LGBT college coaches are leaders. They are sources of knowledge and empowerment for thousands of students around the country. The athletic community must first acknowledge their presence to understand the contributions they make to their athletes, teams and schools. We must take responsibility for our role in keeping so many closeted and invest in the research necessary to improve their experiences. The policy changes that result will extend the progress seen in 2011 to new levels and break down barriers for which sports should have no tolerance.

We can tell you that stories we write about out coaches get a fraction of the interest and readership that we experience when we write about out athletes: There’s simply less interest in the topic. What’s fascinating about that dynamic is that the openly gay coach has more to lose. A vast majority of out athletes will not pursue a professional sports career; For coaches, it is their career. Witness what happened to Lisa Howe at Belmont University: She came out and was fired for it. Of course, there are other out coaches who have been embraced by their universities, like Sherri Murrell and Kirk Walker.

But we know of wildly successful LGBT college coaches who simply won’t even entertain the notion of coming out. At least one of those coaches faces absolutely no threat whatsoever of being fired; In fact, they would likely be more embraced. For that coach, there doesn’t need to be any studies or work done to open the door for them; Coming out is ultimately still a personal decision that some people simply won’t decide the way we’d like them to.

We’ll continue to lay out the welcome mat for LGBT coaches. Certainly anyone who needs help or advice navigating that process can contact me. I had been talking with Kirk Walker for over five years before he was  ultimately ready to take the leap. While Outsports is a media company, we’re also a resource for the community; Confidentiality is honored and respected above all else.

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Brian Burke

Brian Burke, general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, was honored by PFLAG as an “ally” at a dinner this week. Burke’s son Brendan was an assistant on the Miami of Ohio hockey team and died in a car crash on Feb. 5, 2010. Brendan’s coming out story was told just months prior on ESPN.com. Here is what Brian Burke said in part of his acceptance speech:

A parent’s unconditional love and acceptance of their child is unremarkable, and should be automatic. It deserves no accolades or praise. Make no mistake, the hero here was Brendan. What Brendan did took courage. Coming out in arguably the most macho of the professional sports. Now that was worthy of an award.

Most walls in society have been breached or leveled over time. But not this one – professional sports in North America has no gay presence. And certainly the NHL does not. These walls have not been breached, have not been leveled. Bias, suspicion and prejudice still prevail. Our goal has to be to continue to level these barriers.

Brendan Burke

… My favorite thing about my son telling me he was gay – I didn’t have to take anything back. My children were raised in a home which taught acceptance. This is the first step, practice and teach acceptance. Of the three steps, this is the most important. If everyone practices acceptance, this issue will go away over time.

You should read the entire speech, which was posted on the official website of the Maple Leafs. It’s a beautiful statement of a father’s love for his son and a challenge for all of us to make a difference.

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