Nick Clark

Nick Clark, 25, is the assistant men’s and women’s volleyball coach at Pfeiffer University in Misenheimer, N.C.

By Nick Clark

I am just a little past the midway point of my first season as an “out” coach. It has been largely gratifying with few hiccups. I was hired by Pfeiffer University in May 2011, a month after an article was written about me on Outsports. I am so happy and thankful for the article. I was inspired by those who had articles written about them and I saw how much it helped me and I wanted to help others in return. I received many emails from people all over the country. All were positive. They shared their own lives with me. Some were out and others were still closeted. Some were athletes and others were just sports fans.

I have had such great reception from both the men’s and women’s volleyball teams at Pfeiffer. I was in a team meeting with the guys in late August when the students were returning to campus. It was important to me that I share with them my homosexuality from the start, to begin building trust. I didn’t want to go back into the closet and not share my life with them.

I was incredibly nervous and my heart was racing. It was well received and they really didn’t comment all that much. Some of them had a stunned look on their face, while others already knew because they read the article. Within the next few days, I was approached by some of the guys and they gave me their support and let me know that they had my back. It was a major relief. I could do what I came here to do — coach.

A few weeks later, a young woman approached me from the women’s team. She is a member of the newspaper and asked me if I would give an interview about being a gay coach. I was happy to since I felt it was important for the students on campus to know that they have a resource to use. I also felt it was important that the athletic department knew that I was an out gay man.

I got nothing but positive feedback from the interview and was asked in September to speak to the Spectrum Club, the university’s gay-straight alliance. The date was set for Oct. 11, National Coming Out Day. I was incredibly nervous and hesitated to answer. I love what I do and I don’t care for the spotlight. I would rather work behind the scenes and help others achieve. But I knew it was important to give the speech, so I reluctantly said yes.

One morning, I was in my office, when the village pastor came in. He wanted to know if I would be interested in reading a scripture verse at church the day after I give my speech. I told him that I was interested but wouldn’t commit for a few different reasons. The first being my job security. I was concerned that some board members or the president would be in attendance and seek to get rid of me. He reassured me that the university is committed to inclusion and works to provide an umbrella of safety for all of the students and faculty.

He also told me that he would not let a dismissal happen and that he was in my corner along with many other people within the administration. The second reason I was reluctant was because I didn’t want to be viewed as endorsing the church. This is all coming at a time when the extreme religious right is seeking to take away rights for the LGBT community. He began to share with me details about his life and reassured me that those extremists don’t speak for everyone. I told him that I would like to think about it. After going home that night and talking it over with my boyfriend, I decided that I would read the scripture, Isaiah 49.

The day came for me to give my speech. There was somewhere around 50 people there and I was told that was a lot for their meetings. Both volleyball teams were in attendance. The women even cut practice short to be able to come and listen. It was a great experience. People came up to me after and thanked me and asked questions. I received nothing but positive comments. The next day I read the scripture verse at church. The pastor gave his sermon about inclusion and loving all of God’s children. It was great to hear and it’s even better to see him everyday practicing what he preaches.

I share these experiences because they are all positive. I can’t imagine living life in the closet any longer and not being able to help change people’s minds about homosexuality. It is painful to read about gay teen suicides. I am a teacher at heart and this hits me the hardest. It’s up to us to make sure that the future generations have a safe and inclusive environment to grow up in. It is important for us to realize the position that we are in as coaches and athletes. We can make a change and a difference.

I was nervous about starting my new job and shared that with some of the members of Equality Coaching Alliance, a Facebook group conceived of as a virtual meeting place for coaches to discuss LGBT coaching issues. They threw their support my way and reassured me they will help me in any way possible. The group is ever growing with allies from all walks of life joining. The support is there and the safety nets are spreading throughout the country. It’s time for a change. It’s time for coaches and athletes come out and help make athletics safe.

I hope that closeted coaches and athletes will read this and gain inspiration. I hope that they will realize how important it is to come out and help make things better for the next generation. I hope that those who are thinking about coming out do so and it is my hope that those who are closeted begin to seriously think about coming out and realize all of the good things that will happen.

Athletics is sometimes referred to as the last closet and it’s time we opened the doors.

Nick Clark can be reached via email at nclark85@hotmail.com or on Facebook.

Share on Facebook

Editor’s note:

Dear Jim and Cyd:

Outsports.com posted a story by my son, Galen Dodd, about his experiences of coming out to his friends, family and volleyball teammates. You noted that Galen, at 15, was probably the youngest contributor who had submitted a coming out story to your publication.

I just wanted to tell you about some of the responses to his story we have all gotten this week.  And the good news is the responses have been unanimously positive.

Galen Dodd with his father, Ian Dodd, and mother, Margot Page

On Sunday night, hours after his story was posted, he shared it on Facebook as did his sister and my wife and I. The comments when we woke up the next morning from other friends and family (many of whom we had not shared with before that) were all very supportive. His aunt and uncle described their feeling of pride and reposted the link on their pages. Work friends of mine all congratulated me on Monday morning and several of them reposted the story on their own pages.

Yesterday, Galen received an email from a reader who had played volleyball in college with his current club coach and has coached on the girls side of the club.

Last night, when Galen walked into practice he was immediately approached by one of the coaches, a straight guy, who in front of the entire team threw his arms around Galen in a big hug. Somebody had forwarded the story to the club coaches and they had all read it.  The club director, the head coach of USC’s men’s volleyball, told Galen he was a welcome member of the club “family” and they would always be there for one of their players.

This is just to give you an idea of what this week has been like. As you know from his story, my wife and I were not the first people Galen came out to. When he did (or rather, when his sister did for him) that was almost the last it was mentioned for quite some time.  Not because we didn’t want to talk about it, but Galen was the one who resisted.  It was almost like, “I told you. You know. Now we don’t have to talk about it anymore.”  Eventually, we gave up pushing it and decided he would come around in his own time. But this was tough for us because, although we wanted to share with people close to us and Galen, we wanted to always respect his privacy, so we were stuck between protecting his secret or violating his confidence.

In just the past few months Galen has made a dramatic shift and it has now become an open topic of conversation in our house. With the publication of his story on Outsports, and sharing it with family, friends, teammates and coaches, the veil of secrecy has lifted. Galen is obviously comfortable sharing his story with the world and so, in a sense, his liberation has been a liberation for all of us. This has been a joyful week, full of wonderful surprises, and has brought us all closer together.

Just thought you guys might like to hear about some of the positive impact Outsports.com has had. Keep up the good work.

Ian Dodd

Share on Facebook

Editor’s note: At 15, Los Angeles volleyball player Galen Dodd is likely the youngest athlete who has ever told his coming out story for Outsports. He contacted us and had the full backing of his parents, who helped him edit the story.

By Galen Dodd

Three dates will forever be ingrained in my mind:  July 17th, 2009, the day I came out to my sister and a group of 50 (almost) random strangers.  April 22nd, 2010, the day I came out to my parents with the help of my sister and introduced them to my first boyfriend.  And, most recently, Aug. 26th, 2011, the day I came out publicly. These three dates signify part of who I am. Being gay is only part of me – I am also a volleyball player, a student, a son, a friend and so much more.

I first started to understand that I was different when I was 10 years old, in fifth grade, when I had my first introduction to health. Sitting at those wooden tables watching a video on puberty and health, all I could wonder about was how the other guys in the room felt about the subject of girls and guys.  I wasn’t sure whether I was the only one not thinking about girls.

In sixth grade, my parents had me take a health education program called OWL (Our Whole Lives) at our church. The class, which covered everything from eating right to healthy relationships to sex, was where I realized that I was attracted to guys.  Eighteen months later, on July 17th, 2009, I came out to my sister and a group of teens as we were attending a teen personal growth seminar, Insight Seminars.  During a break, my now-best friend, Allie, said to me:  “You’re such a strong person. I love and am so proud of you. What you did inspired me to share myself more.” Also during the break, Leah, one of the people I was closest with at the seminar, said it was “just so great how open everyone can be here.”  These comments coming from near strangers started to show me how supportive people truly can be.

Then next people I told, with the help of my sister, were my parents.  I had recently got into my first relationship and had been dating a guy, Spencer, for about three months.  I wanted to sleep over at his house one Friday, and his dad’s only requirement was that my parents had to know the truth.

Photo by Ian Dodd

I was so nervous that I didn’t really tell them. I had my sister say something about me having a boyfriend and then my mom came into my room and we had a talk about it.  She just wanted to express how much she still loved me and I knew then my family would be very accepting. Friday night came, I slept over, and Spencer and I had a blast just spending time together with his parents. Things later started to go downhill in our relationship, but I will always remember that his stepmom, Cyn, emailed me to say, “even though things may not work for you and Spencer, know that I am still here for you as a friend and will always be open to talk.”  That really showed me how much she cared about and that there are adults who care for the overall well being of kids. I like them!

For the 2010-11 season, I played for a volleyball club that had a majority of our players from an all-boys’ Catholic school. The entire season I kept my being gay hidden from them (and from anyone in the volleyball world for that matter).

Every practice I would hear some sort of comment about something or someone being “gay” or a “fag,” and each time I cringed thinking of how I would never be able to be who I truly am with them.  Even though those terms are not meant to be harmful, and don’t even seem relevant to what the speaker is trying to express, it has become common language among teenagers and young adults. But after I came out, my fellow players have been nothing but supportive. One teammate, Connor, told me after a team party: “I don’t really have any reason to have a problem with it…”  It shows that even a guy from a hardcore Catholic school can be accepting. As far as Connor was concerned, I was a teammate and he was going to have my back.

The first volleyball player I ever told was my (then) new friend, Dakota.  He was also a new student to Palisades Charter High School and was on the volleyball team.  After about two weeks of knowing each other, one Friday afternoon we spent about 10 hours texting about nonsense.  Somehow the topic of homosexuality and gay rights came up. I expected him to say some derogatory comment being from a red-neck family, but he caught me by surprise saying he was accepting.  I decided to take a chance and tell him.  He said, “it’s completely fine, there is nothing wrong with it, you’re just who you are.” It was a good thing and we are still good friends.  I knew at that point that, no matter what, I had at least one ally on my school team.

Over this last summer, I traveled to Tucson and spent 10 days training and competing at the 2011 USAVolleyball High Performance Training Camp and Championships.  During that time I met an openly gay coach, Travis Turner, who happened to live in Southern California and is the director of Balboa Bay Volleyball Club in Newport Beach.

I was focused on training when I was in Arizona, but when I got back I sent him an e-mail and talked to him.   We then had a long telephone conversation and he showed me that no matter what, whether gay or straight, a coach wants a team with players who can win.  With that in my mind I knew what had to come next –  it was time for me to come out to the world and be who I am supposed to be.  I now play for one of the best clubs in the country with 11 other guys that have my back and two great coaches who are nothing but fantastic.

My last step came Aug. 26, a Friday, one of the most important days of my life.  The week prior was spent procrastinating about wanting to come out. Whenever I was ready to hit the Facebook “share” button, I got scared and backed off.  Finally at 11:45 that Friday night, I posted a Facebook status update that said: “Galen + PMSing + Oh f*** it= I’M GAY… So yea delete me if you want, otherwise goodnight Los Angeles!,” and it felt great!  All weekend, my phone was buzzing with activity of people “liking,” “commenting,” and “messaging” me to show their support.  In three days, I had 82 likes, 47 comments, and no one had deleted me.

Some volleyball players I knew were completely taken by surprise, and thought I was playing one of those straight-guy practical jokes. One the first responses came from Lucas, who wrote: “Are you seriously gay? like coming out of the closet? If so, congrats I’m proud of you to say that that takes a lot of courage and I respect that. I respect people that are actually homosexual because that takes so much courage to be different…” His response started to show me how accepting our generation can be, even if they say things that don’t represent that.

As I head into the new season, I’ve made so many more friends from volleyball this summer who have been nothing but great.  Nick and Vinny are two players I am especially close with. They couldn’t care less about my sexuality and still consider me the athlete I am. I bonded with Vinny on a trip to Junior Nationals in Minneapolis this July. We talk about everything and it really meant a lot when he said, “You’re still a really funny, outgoing, and great athlete. Regardless of you sexuality, nothing will change between our friendship and my attitude towards you on and off the court.”  The feeling of knowing you have the support and backing of fellow athletes, friends, and great people in life means a lot.  The same applies to Nick, another player I became close to at the Junior Nationals.  One morning we were texting and just having some fun and he brought up girls, one in particular, our mutual friend Sara.

Me: “I think she needs a new and gay best friend.”
Nick: “Uh no… The position is filled.”
Me: “Every girl needs a gay best friend, sorry Nick. haha”
Nick: “Oh, awk. I don’t know if she has one of those yet. Haha”

It’s great to just be able to laugh and joke about being gay with a friend who you know is supportive.

I am really excited about the new season, now that I am out and have gotten so much support. We are all going into our “16s” season for club volleyball as sophomores in high school and are excited for Junior Nationals 2012 in Dallas.  I also will be playing in the spring for my high school team, Palisades Charter High School.  All of us have three more years of high school and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

According to my friend Jackson, I was neither in nor out of the closet but in the “conjoining hallway that leads to the real world” for more than two years.  I know the fear that gay teenagers, and especially gay athletes, experience growing up.  The feeling right before you come out to someone is a major decision and one that has lots of emotion to it.  I was lucky enough to be greeted with tons of support from everyone. I have no regrets and wouldn’t do anything differently.

One resource has been Outsports, which has featured stories about a lot of great people, who if you reach out to them, are more than happy to provide support. I reached out to a number of people and am glad to have those people in my life now.  One person in particular is Mari Burningham Winter, the head women’s volleyball coach at the University of Redlands, whose story I read about in Outsports.  I was able to bounce ideas off of her on different ways to come out publicly, get advice and hear about her experience on being gay in the volleyball world, and get a new great friend.

My advice to the LGBT teens struggling to be accepted is to take a step back and accept yourself for who you are before expecting others to accept you. Once you know yourself, then others can truly know the real you.  You could be surprised with the response. I sure was!

Galen Dodd, 15, just started his sophomore year at Palisades Charter High School in Los Angeles. He also plays club volleyball at the SCVC-Southern California Volleyball Club. He plays middle blocker and opposite hitter. His awards include CIF-LA JV First Team 2011, 2011 Pali High Freshman of the Year and 2011 USAV High Performance attendee. He welcomes emails at galen.dodd@gmail.com or on Facebook at Galen Dodd.

Share on Facebook

In her video, Burningham details how things have gotten so much better since she came out, and specifically how it strengthened her relationship with her wife, Heather:

For the first time I don’t feel like I have to hide her like she’s a dirty little secret.

Resources:

• It Gets Better Project
• GLSEN sports project
• Outsports coming out stories
• Sports It’s Gets Better videos

Share on Facebook

Volleyball, 1982. Betty Baxter was a successful Canadian volleyball player and coach. After being named the head coach of the women’s national volleyball team in 1979, she won the Canadian Interuniversity Athletics Union’s coach of the year award. Yet in 1982, amid widespread rumors that she was a lesbian, she was fired as the national-team coach.

Despite the unjust firing, Baxter continued to contribute to her country and community. She co-founded the Canadian Association for the Advancement of Women in Sport and the National Coaching School for Women. She was a board member and spokesperson for the 1990 Gay Games in Vancouver (in which she won gold). And she was the first openly lesbian candidate for a Canadian national office, running against Prime Minister Kim Campbell in 1993 and finishing fourth with 15% of the vote.

Still, 30 years later, she’s maybe best-known for being the woman who got hit by homophobia on the chin. That few out lesbians have followed her footsteps shocks her, something that Dave Kopay has told us before. Baxter shared her sentiments with The Pink Elephant:

Six or seven years ago CBC asked to interview me because then there were no out lesbians in sport who would talk to them. And I said I’m 50 and hadn’t been active in sport in a strong way for 8 or ten years definitely not in straight sport for a long time and was there no one else who would talk to them?  It shocked me that there was no high profile lesbian in sport who would talk to them. So I said I’ll talk to you but I don’t want to come in to the city so bring your cameras out here and they did that. But it astonishes me, an activist from 30 years ago, that people are still interested. Why haven’t I been booted out as a retired activist? I live a quiet life in the country and am active in small ways in what’s not particularly a gay and lesbian community. So I’m curious that I still have some infamy.

In recent years Baxter has turned her attention to harassment prevention in school districts. For someone who once lost her job simply for being who she is, it’s incredible that she has now dedicated her life to making sure that kind of harassment doesn’t happen to anyone else.

For more information:

• The Pink Elephant’s recent interview with Betty Baxter
• Baxter’s Wikipedia page
• Matt & Andrej Koymasky’s page on Baxter
• OutQ’s report on Olympic Pride House

Share on Facebook

Part of Outsports’ series on our 100 most important moments in gay sports history.

Volleyball, 2011: Michael, a professional volleyball player in Brazil, took the court at an opponent’s gym this spring for a playoff match and was taunted all game by 3,000 fans chanting “bicha,” or faggot. Fed up with the abuse, Michael disclosed after the game that he is gay.

“I’m gay. Everyone knows who I am. My team fully respects my sexuality. I have been playing for 10 years and everyone has treated me well and fair. I do not feel the need to let everyone know about my sexuality.”

The incident got a lot of media attention in Brazil, where the subject of gays in sports had seldom been covered. Most people were outraged that Michael had to take that kind of abuse. Michael’s teammates rallied around him during and after the match.

Game 2 of the playoff series had a totally different atmosphere. Back before his home fans, Michael was greeted with cheers as people wore pink in support and one teammate even donned a rainbow-colored jersey. Michael had the song “I Will Survive” played over the loudspeaker.

In the decisive third game back on the opposing court, fans this time were on their best behavior. The team was fined $30,000 for allowing the homophobic taunts to continue. The story, as ugly as it started, forced Brazil to acknowledge that there were gay athletes in the pro sports ranks.

For more information:

Michael subject to homophobic taunts

s

Share on Facebook

Something that made coming out so difficult was my involvement in a college sports ministry. I had lived in Colorado and traveled to Russia with the organization and have made many friends because of them. I was terrified to tell any of my friends from this organization because I figured they would stop loving me and being my friend. I came out to two different guys, one from each trip and they both responded the same way. “I still love you.” It’s these moments that make life worth living. When friends and family love you unconditionally, regardless of their own beliefs.

Share on Facebook

The story became huge news in Brazil after the crowd’s action, which led Michael to come out publicly. In the second game of the playoff, on Volei Futuro’s home court, fans came decked out in pink in a raucous support for Michael.

Ace Asas from the website Volleywood told me that Volei Futuro lost the third and deciding game of the playoff this weekend, but that the Sada Cruzeiro fans were on their best behavior.

Share on Facebook

Michael’s teammates wore pink warm-up shirts in support and one player wore a rainbow-colored jersey during the match. And fans rapturously clapped pink thundersticks emblazoned with “Michael” all throughout the match. And after Volei Futuro won a pulsating five-set match to stay alive, the sound system played “I Will Survive.” It was quite a scene as this video shows.

From an online translation of the account of the game, Michael said: “The music I want? You’ve heard the [song], right? ‘I Will Survive.’ This song can be it then.”

The website Volleywood has been doing a terrific job of following this story and hopes it proves a turning point:

We’ve said this before but we just want to let everyone know out there that volleyball has room for you regardless of what and who you are. Michael’s story has inspired a lot of people. Those 3,000 people who chanted homophobic slurs against him are outnumbered by the fans from all over the world who have showed love and support for Michael.

His tale marks the beginning of a battle against prejudice and inequality in the world of volleyball.

The deciding Game 3 of the playoff series will be held Friday back on Sada Cruzeiro’s court where the homophobic taunts occurred. It will be fascinating to see the reaction this time. Michael’s story has received huge play in Brazil, where volleyball is a major sport. Will the same fans calling  Michael a “bicha” do it again and risk public ridicule or will their homophobia win out?

Here are some great images from Game 2, courtesy of the Facebook page of Volei Futuro:

Michael, left, with teammate:

Hat tip to reader Josh.

Share on Facebook

The website Volleywood has a complete rundown of the incident, translated from Portuguese, of the game between Michael’s team, Volei Futuro, and Sada Cruzeiro.

This incident has prompted Michael to admit to the media that he’s gay. “I’m gay. Everyone knows who I am. My team fully respects my sexuality. I have been playing for 10 years and everyone has treated me well and fair. I do not feel the need to let everyone know about my sexuality,” says Michael.

Michael’s coach has rallied around him and Brazilian volleyball officials are investigating the incident, which occurred April 1 at Sada Cruzeiro’s arena. Michael decided to ignore the taunts and headed straight to the locker room after the match, with his teammates making sure he was OK.

Mariana Lajolo, who cover Olympic sports for Folha de S. Paulo, the leading Brazilian newspaper, told Outsports that what really bothered Michael was that the chants were done by men, women and children of all ages and not just an isolated few. She said the incident is receiving huge play in Brazil, with the vast majority of people appalled at the actions of the fans. It has also opened a debate on gays in sports; in Brazil, there are many athletes known or suspected to be gay, but almost no one publicly out.

The two teams meet again Saturday in the second game of their league playoffs on Volei Futuro’s home court, and then April 15 at Sada Cruzeiro if Volei Futro wins tomorrow.

Here is video where you can clearly hear the fans chanting “bicha” when Michael is serving:

Share on Facebook