Blogger and athlete Robert Scott

Phillip Parker, 14, of Gordonsville, Tenn., killed himself this month, a victim of constant bullying at school, his parents said. “He kept telling me he had a rock on his chest,” said Ruby Harris, Phillip’s grandmother. “He just wanted to take the rock off where he could breathe.” His death stunned his family (750 people attended his funeral) and should outrage us all. It angered Robert Scott, an openly gay high school soccer player in Memphis, who is part of the teen blog BradRobertBen we have written about before.

While [Philip] has passed and will be remembered as another of the wrongly killed students of our time, he has sparked something in me and others alike. We want to lift that rock from his chest – let him breathe freely without others freely bullying students like him.

Robert, 18, linked Philip’s death to a climate of anti-gay hatred in Tennessee, whose legislature might act again on what is called the “Don’t Say Gay” bill. The bill would make it illegal to discuss homosexuality in the classroom before ninth grade. The bill stalled last year but is poised to be reintroduced in the legislature this session. As Robert wrote:

If this is passed then the teaching/discussion of anything other than heterosexual issues in grades K-8 would be unlawful. This is a major setback to anyone determining their own sexuality. It might as well be saying that anyone in grades K-8 who thinks that they may be gay or bisexual should hide it from everyone.

If you think this is wrong, please speak out – at the very least for Phillip.

I am amazed at how far Robert has come in the year since I first met him. He was closeted, out to only a few people, before starting the blog with Ben Newcomer and Brad Usselman. He soon came out to his parents and friends and posted photos of himself on Facebook with his then-boyfriend. He will attend Augustana College this fall and will play soccer.

Through the blog, Robert and Ben (Brad is not an active athlete thus year and not writing there) have helped many other high school athletes wrestling with their sexuality. I have connected several with Robert, knowing they wanted to share with a peer. He has a great head on his shoulders and can relate to what they’re going through. I loved how Robert handled a classmate last fall who was part of a group asking whether he is gay:

Now being the kind of person I am, I enjoy confrontation – however, when I walked over to sharpen my pencil – one of the guys backed away from me like I had some sort of disease. I didn’t like this very much so I asked what his problem was, and he replied with the word ‘fag’ and other expletives. So I smiled at him, walked back to my seat, grabbed my bag, and headed to my English class to recite a memorization. … I left him with no comment but a smile to piss him off even more.

My point here is, even though you can’t always ‘win’ with words, By simply smiling you can make them feel like what they’re doing is truly not affecting you. Would I have loved to punched him in the face and degrade his lack of intelligence? Sure, who wouldn’t; however, it’s better to be mature and walk away because in the end, … I won’t see him but walking in the hallways for the rest of my high school career.

One blog won’t end teen suicides or change the world, but it and others like it have made a difference to some teens who feel a little less lonely and know there are others like them. That counts for something.

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Jamie wrote this on a blog after someone encouraged him to hang in there and not hurt himself, saying it would get better:

“No. … I don’t want to wait 3 more years. This hurts too much. How do you even know It will get better? Its not. … I don’t want my parents to think this is their fault, either. I love my mom and dad. It’s just too hard. I dont want to wait three more years, this hurts too much.”

Jamie’s father Allan recounted his son’s torment:

Hubley said the bullying began when Jamie was in Grade 7 and teens tried to stuff batteries down his throat on the school bus because he was a figure skater.

“[Jamie] was the kind of boy that loved everybody,” said Hubley, “He couldn’t understand why everyone would be so cruel to him about something as simple as skating.”

“He just wanted someone to love him. That’s all. And what’s wrong with that? Why do people have to be cruel to our children when all they want to do is be loved?” said Hubley, speaking on the phone with the CBC’s Ashley Burke.

You must read Toronto Star columnist Heather Mallick’s eulogy for Jamie. It made my cry and also got me very angry that this stuff still happens to this day:

You can’t tell a 15-year-old to wait three years. To him, it sounds like 30, which to a teenager is practically dead anyway. And when I look at middle-aged people, including many in public life, who can’t admit publicly that they’re gay, it’s clear that time heals nothing. We all fear bullying. …

High school is the distillation of our lives, with a term limit, filled with cliques and home to the best and worst of our traits. Remember those hallways lined with lockers, which I recall happily but now realize must have seemed to the bullied kids like a gauntlet they had to run over and over, five days a week. What I wonder is if Jamie’s tormentors understand even now what they did and why.

As Jamie wrote in his last post on his Tumblr blog, “To the people who didn’t like me (many) a big f –k you. Go ride a unicorn.”

And then he adds, “But we love you anyway.”

Even as he headed for death, he had to add, in a clause from a naturally kind heart, some forgiveness for his tormentors.

I cannot get over this.

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Let me introduce you to 14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer. He killed himself last weekend after years of being bullied by kids about his sexual orientation. He had previously recorded an ‘It Gets Better’ video (posted after the jump). He came out as bisexual to his friends, but the bullying was too much to take. As I’m sure you know, he’s just the latest young person to kill himself because of anti-gay bullying.

I’m getting really frustrated with our closeted professional athletes. This kid in Buffalo, N.Y., came out even though he was teased constantly. Yet masculine, larger-than-life millionaires with millions of fans still can’t bring themselves to do it. I started calling them cowards a few months ago, and that word seems more appropriate every day. How else can you describe someone who has his $400,000 game check deposited to his bank account 16 times a year while reading headlines of another gay kid killing himself?

I can’t remember what blog I was reading last week, but the writer said the first active pro American athlete coming out would be a watershed moment in our history. He said it would change things. And it would. With the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell today, sports is truly the last closet. An athlete coming out would have such a deeper impact on our culture than the end of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. It wouldn’t suddenly stop all the anti-gay bullying overnight, but it would quiet some. Even if it quieted one, that’s a big step in someone’s life. Instead, these athletes staying in the closet reinforce the notion that gay is bad; If it weren’t bad, they would come out publicly.

One defense I hear is that “no one asks them if they’re gay.” We’ve heard from the occasional athlete who came out after retirement that “they wouldn’t lie about it if asked.” No. Sorry. That doesn’t fly. People who have social responsibility don’t wait until someone else asks them to act. They act. They see an injustice and they ask. Dan Choi didn’t wait around until HRC came knocking on his door: He saw people suffering and he took matters into his own hands.

It’s just like football and basketball players who take victory on the field and court into their own hands; They don’t wait until someone asks them if they’d like to catch a game-winning touchdown, they demand the ball. It’s how their brains work. They know how to do it. They know how to make change.

Instead, they all sit in their penthouses, watching their 60-inch hi-def TVs with their boyfriends, as news of kids like Jamey scrolls by them. “I can’t come out,” they tell themselves. “I might lose a jersey sale. I might not get that next Gatorade endorsement deal. Sure, I’ve got $5 million in the bank, but it’s not enough. Risking another million isn’t worth potentially saving a kid’s life.”

While it might sound harsh, that is in fact the decision they are consciously making every day.

We have a policy at Outsports to not out anyone. I can’t see a time when we would go against that policy, but I’ve been thinking about it more and more. At some point, does the coming-out of these millionaires whose salaries we pay become more than just a “personal decision”? At some point, is it the responsibility of the many to put the bullying and suicides of 14-year-olds ahead of a public millionaire’s desire to stay in the closet? I keep answering “No” to these questions, but more and more I find myself wanting to say “Yes.”

Hat tip to Towleroad.

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I was pleased to see that MLB teams began to create their own “It Gets Better” videos to help combat bullying. The San Francisco Giants were the first to complete theirs, followed by the Chicago Cubs and Boston Red Sox. In addition, the Seattle Mariners and Minnesota Twins have announced plans to make videos as well. (A report that the Washington Nationals have also committed to a video still has not been confirmed by the team.)

Since the Giants released their video on June 1st, I’ve been wondering if and when my team, the Philadelphia Phillies, would join the “It Gets Better” movement. Seeing as how Gay Community Night is such a success year after year, a “Phillies: It Gets Better” video seemed like a logical occurrence. But there was no word. I’ve tweeted about it a few times, with a couple of those directly replying to the Phillies’ official Twitter feeds. (For some reason they use two, @phillies and @philaphillies.) Still, no announcement was forthcoming.In early June, as teams began filming videos, a lifelong Phillies fan, Jerome Hunt, created a petition on Change.org asking the Phils to make a video of their own. He contacted local news outlets to publicize it and got no response…until Jackson, the Eagles’ wide receiver, opened his mouth on the radio.

Then Change.org used the Jackson story in a mass email to spread the word about Hunt’s petition, and Philadelphia Weekly featured Hunt on their blog. And, I assume, the PW writer contacted the Phillies for a response, and my guess is that’s what finally led to the announcement that the Phils will also make a video. The video is expected to be released around the time schools re-open.

So, while we wait for the NFL lockout to finally, officially end so that the league and the Eagles will be allowed to discipline DeSean Jackson if they so choose, I think we should give him some thanks for inadvertently helping spur the Phillies into their “It Gets Better” action.

You can find Joe In Philly at his blog.

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I used to beat up a lot of kids even in high school who used to tease my friends because they were gay, or because they were black, or because they were Jewish, or because they were yellow, or because they were whatever. For people who don’t think my apology is sincere, they don’t know me. This isn’t over for me. I really plan to do more. What I said was ignorant and I really didn’t realize what I was saying. Now that I do and realize how it affects people I really plan to do more and to help with the awareness.

Some have expressed doubt about Bryant’s story, but to me the issue of beating up homophobes is secondary. Bryant says he’s going to do more on this issue, and I actually believe him. Talking to people over the weekend, and some people who have spent time with Bryant, I’ve come to think he will actually do something on this issue.

There’s still that invitation to ride in the Gay Pride Parade, Kobe! If the Stanley Cup champion Chicago Blackhawks can do it…

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Bigger than the bully, Casey picks up his tormentor and body slams him, leaving him dazed and hurt. Both students were suspended, initially for four days.

A spokeswoman for the NSW Department of Education and Training said today Chifley College, Dunheved Campus [an Australian high school] “does not tolerate any violence and deals with all cases according to its community-agreed discipline code”.  “Both students in a fight at the school shown on the Internet have been suspended … the only injury sustained was a grazed knee,” the spokeswoman said.

Video:

The comments on various websites are overwhelmingly in favor of Casey. I normally abhor violence, but this seems like a case where a kid has finally had enough. What do you think?

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“I’m proud of you, all of you, for being so brave” my Chinese language teacher managed to utter, her tears audibly hanging back, as she spoke to me via phone the day after our presentation. “We want to change, we need to change,” she confided with conviction softly- and as these words processed, I smiled understanding that our presentation had worked. If anything, we had initiated change, and what more can we ask for?

Craig and six fellow students showed that bullying was not just an issue for gay and lesbian students, but affected a wide range of people. They first showed the powerful “It Gets Better” video by Fort Worth, Texas, councilman Joel Burns. They then made a presentation that outlined some tips for teachers. They included:

Teachers Need Cognizance
A common misconception amongst students is that a teacher sees and hears everything when she’s in the same room. … Add a few watchful teachers to the hallway and suddenly a lot of the bullying stops.

Support Needs Visibility
Many of the teachers looked surprised to hear that our strongest recommendation was increased visibility in support. … a majority don’t remind students of their availability [to talk] – ever. The night after our presentation, I received three [Facebook] messages from various teachers asking just how to do this.

Where To Go From Here
Because our time felt cut short, my peers and I agreed to propose a project – a “How to” for teachers who want to help.

Using suggestions sent in to readers of his blog, Craig will create a PDF for teachers and students to use to allow them to better combat bullying.

Craig is an impressive person who is driving change at his school. He realizes it’s not easy and takes hard work, but he is more than eager to do it. Being right didn’t stop him from being nervous the night before the presentation, but a text from his coach allowed Craig to sleep soundly. “Good luck on your presentation tomorrow, ~ Coach.”

If you have suggestions for how schools can combat bullying, join the conversation over at Craig’s blog.

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Whether you went to school in the 1950s or are a current highschooler, I am asking for YOUR HELP! [On Friday] I will stand before 130 teachers and faculty members of my high school and assist with a presentation on lgbtq bullying and what teachers can do to help. While I certainly have my own experiences with lgbtq bullying and my personal views on what I think teachers can do to save the students of today and make for a better world – I want to hear your thoughts!

This Friday is the perfect opportunity to promote change within my school and I know my teachers yearn to support our cause – but they may not know just how to do so. They want to know what we need, what troubles we face, what hope they can offer.

So, to my blog readers and a community that has thus far been extremely supportive – I ask of you one thing: tell me what you wish your teachers would have done differently in high school, what they could have done to make your life better.

Feel free to share your ideas by commenting on this post, emailing me at craiggaymail@gmail.com or by Tweeting me your thoughts.

While you certainly can post your thoughts below (I will make sure Craig sees them), I would encourage you instead to go over to his blog and post a comment there. Craig is a guy who is making a difference and speaking out on a very serious subject. Please help him if you can.

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TNA is also using the PSA to launch their new Web site, eliminatethehate.com. The site features statements and links to anti-bullying resources. TNA is setting the bar very high on this issue…while other major sports leagues like the NBA and NFL stay virtually silent.

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If you’re a straight athlete and want to add your voice to the campaign, email Standing Tough. Hopefully some of the folks at Sirius XM’s NFL Channel will get involved as well. Check out Mick Foley’s video after the jump.

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