Now coach Whisenhunt, you’re going to have to take the first step here. … Remind yourself what it was that drew you to Kevin [Kolb] in the first place. Look him in the eye, tell him, ‘Kevin, while my eyes might have wandered, it was always you that was in my heart.’

The best might be his advice for the Miami Dolphins: He can’t help them. “Call Oprah.” Even Dr. Phil is left shaking his head there.

He also had relationship advice for the Tennessee Titans and San Francisco 49ers.

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Peyton Manning. Photo by Kirby Lee / US PRESSWIRE

I became a fan of the Baltimore Colts when I was 6, because my older brother rooted for them. I then cheered for them through thick and thin — mostly the latter — for 20 years, listening to game after game on an old AM radio, well before the days of Sunday Ticket. My favorite birthday present of all time was a trip to Philadelphia to see the Colts with my dad when I was 9; they won 38-6.

In college and my early working years, I traveled to Baltimore from Pennsylvania several times to see the Colts. I dragged along my then-boyfriend, who was not a fan but loved the atmosphere and the Baltimore Colts marching band in Memorial Stadium.

That all ended abruptly in 1984, when then-Colts owner Bob Irsay — an alcoholic a–hole — moved the team to Indianapolis in the middle of the night. The Colts were dead to me. I became a free agent fan, following teams whose players or coaches I liked, but it wasn’t the same.

Then the Colts drafted Peyton Manning. I paid little attention to him his first two seasons, but in 2000 I started watching more closely and quickly fell in football love. Here was a guy who was a phenomenal player and leader and played the position like none I had seen, changing the way the game is played. He also had a terrific personality with an underrated sense of humor, so rooting for him easy. My love affair with the Colts was rekindled and I have seen virtually every one of their games the past 12 seasons, most of them with Jim Allen, a casual fan who also came to bleed blue and white because of Manning. One of my prized gifts is a Peyton Manning doll Cyd bought for me to jinx the Colts.

So, the news today that the Colts have cut Manning is depressing. It was an amicable departure, but it still stings. I knew it was coming for months and can understand the rationale by owner Jim Irsay (a cool guy nothing like his dad) given the salary cap implications and the fact that Manning is still not 100%. Had Manning been healthy enough to have played even a month last season, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. He would have retired a Colt, but now he is a free agent. It just feels so weird.

I like Andrew Luck and will stay a Colts fan (at least for the time being), but will also become a huge fan of Manning’s new team. I never thought I’d see the headline: Colts cut Peyton Manning. He is my all-time favorite player and the only upside is that now I have two favorite teams to root for.

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We know you’re gonna destroy that goddamn lesbian Eli Manning…

Their Christmas special (also below) is funnier than most comedies you’ll find on TV (check out the Tom Brady crucifix). Ah, brings me back to my Bay State childhood.

And the guys at TownieNews.com got hold of a voicemail Peyton Manning left for Tom Brady over the weekend. I wonder if Peyton thinks Eli is a lesbian.

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Hot player of the week

Tebow and Broncos go down; the Packers lose, the Colts win; New York teams suck; hot player of the week.

How I saw Week 15 of the NFL:

Sunday was a weird day in the NFL, with the unbeaten losing and the winless winning. But all eyes were on Denver and the battle of Good vs. Evil, Jesus vs. the Hoodie, the Broncos vs. the Patriots. And it was the Patriots — whose QB had an out-of-wedlock child and tight end poses with porn stars and coach who was busted for cheating — who prevailed big, 41-23. God answered Cyd’s prayers. Tim Tebow lost for only the second time this season, yet this defeat was not on him. The Patriots (11-3) are simply better, especially when getting three turnovers inside Denver territory. Tebow is not a good enough quarterback (few are) to overcome that.

This game did not surprise me. The Bronocs’ formula for winning with Tebow has been to keep the games close and let Tebow work his fourth-quarter magic. That’s fine against the likes of Caleb Hanie, Matt Moore and Christian Ponder, but not against someone as good as Tom Brady, who threw for two touchdowns and ran for another.

With the win, the Patriots clinched the AFC East and almost certainly a first-round playoff bye. The Broncos (8-6) still lead the AFC West, thanks to the Raiders’ gagging away a 13-point lead late against Detroit. A Tebow playoff appearance is still on track if they can take care of business against the Bills and Chiefs.

Denver coach John Fox had this backhanded compliment of Tebow when asked about his improvement at quarterback: “Six or seven weeks ago, people said he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. Now he can.” Guess it’s better than nothing.

In case you missed it, here’ the SNL “Tebow meets Jesus” clip people are talking about:

Unbeaten no more: I had a feeling the Chiefs (6-8) would give the Packers (13-1) a tough game but I still expected a Green Bay win. Kansas City, though, was dominant throughout in a 19-14 win that was not as close as the final score indicated. Aaron Rodgers had by far his worst game of the season, completing less than 50% of his passes and being harassed all game. I have always liked how interim Chiefs coach Romeo Crennell game-plans quarterbacks –he always gave Peyton Manning fits – and he made Rodgers look ordinary for one day.

Despite the loss, the Packers can still clinch home field in the playoffs with a win against the Bears next week. What’s troubling, though, are injuries to the offensive line, which can cripple any team. I thought it was total BS last week when ESPN’s Steve Young said the Packers were “unbeatable.” No team is in today’s modern NFL. I still like the Packers to win it all and maybe a loss takes some pressure off the whole unbeaten talk, but other coaches will examine the Chiefs’ game plan to see how they stopped Rodgers when no one else could in the previous 19 games.

Suck for Luck: For the past six weeks, it was assumed the Colts would have the top pick in the 2012 draft and take Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck. This caused a zillion articles about whether the Colts would take Luck and keep Manning; trade Manning or trade the Luck pick. But after the Colts won their first game, 27-13 against the Titans, Luck to the Colts is not a lock.

The 1-13 Colts trail the 2-12 Rams and 2-12 Vikings in the race for the worst record, but have winnable games at home vs. the Texans (and a rookie QB) and at 4-10 Jacksonville (and a rookie QB). The Rams play the Steelers and 49ers (both near-certain losses) and the Vikings get the Bears and Redskins (both iffy). If two or more teams are tied for the worst record, the top pick goes to the team that played the weakest hardest schedule, and the Colts currently lead that. How ironic if the Colts don’t get the chance to even draft Luck after all that has been said and written.

New York, New York: What a lost day for the Big Apple teams. First, the Giants (7-7) laid an egg at home against the Redskins (5-9). Hours later, the Jets (8-6) got crushed by the Eagles (6-8). This sets up what might be an elimination game next week – Giants vs. Jets. The Giants can still lose to the Jets and stay alive but would need the Cowboys to lose at home to the Eagles. Philly, amazingly, can win the division with two wins if they wind up in an 8-8 tie for first.

The Jets, meanwhile, are tied for the final wild card spot in the AFC with the Bengals, with three other teams a game behind.

Rolling: The Seahawks (7-7) have only a slim playoff shot following their third straight win, a 38-14 blowout of the Bears, but they are playing very well.  A winning record would be quite a turnaround for a team that looked dead a month ago. Speaking of dead, the Bears (7-7) have lost four straight since Jay Cutler got hurt. What looked like a great season has evaporated.

The NFC wild cards look to be Atlanta and Detroit, both 9-5 and both two games ahead of their nearest competitor with only two games left.

Texas trouble: While the Texans (10-4) have clinched their first franchise playoff spot, their 28-13 loss at home to the Panthers (5-9) is troubling. Houston has a rookie QB in T.J. Yates and it’s hard to see him doing well in a playoff game against the likes of the Steelers or Ravens. The Texans will be one-and-done in the postseason.

Hot player of the week: Watched the Ravens-Chargers game with Cyd and Jim Allen and we froze the DVR to get a closer look at Chargers rookie linebacker Andrew Gachkar. He didn’t do much except look good standing on the sidelines, but that’s enough for this award.

The website Shot of Ginn has a photo of Gachkar with some coeds and we also learn he got stitches while at the University of Missouri after being involved in a fight at a pizza parlor.

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Hot player of the week

Tebow is making the Broncos relevant; Peyton Manning just one of several key QBs out; Suh needs to sit; an idiot wide receiver; here come the Cowboys, hot player of the week.

How I saw Week 12 of the NFL:

Lord knows we’ve dumped on Tim Tebow a lot lately, and it has generated a lot of comment, pro and con. But, his religious fervor aside, Tebow has been terrific for the NFL, spicing up an otherwise average season. Love him or loath him, people want to watch Tebow and his play as quarterback is as controversial as his persona. He has people paying attention to the Broncos for the first time since the John Elway days.

Tebow can barely throw — and the Broncos don’t let him do it much — but Denver keeps winning with him behind center. Tebow is 5-1 as a starter this year, four of them comeback wins. The latest was the 16-13 23-20 overtime win over San Diego. It left Denver at 6-5, a game behind the Raiders (7-4) in the AFC West. The Broncos’ schedule is not tough — Minnesota (2-9), Chicago (without Jay Cutler), Buffalo (losers of four in a row) and Kansas City (4-7). Only the Dec. 18 meeting against New England is truly tough, but that game will be worth watching to see what Bill Belichick conjures up to stop Tebow.

I think Tebow is the 2011 version of the Wildcat. That formation took the league by storm in 2008, befuddling defensive coordinators, but is basically a curiosity now since teams have adjusted. The same will happen to Tebow as an NFL starter, but sports are personality-driven and he certainly gets people talking.

Tebow said he was not watching when San Diego kicker Nick Novak (he of the sideline urination) missed a 53-yard field goal in overtime. This led to this with my friend Billy Witz of Fox Sports.com:

BW: What was the prayer you were saying?

TT: Obviously, I want to win, but no matter happens, good or bad, that I have an opportunity to give my Lord and savior credit

BW: So you weren’t praying for him to miss?

TT: I might have said that. (laugh) Or maybe a block. (laugh) Maybe all of it.

That’s not very Christian of him, praying for another person to fail. What would He say?

Hurting: This is turning out to be the least interesting season in a decade and it has to do with all the crippling injuries to key players. It starts with Peyton Manning being out all season for the Colts (0-11). With him the past nine seasons, the Colts were a perennial Super Bowl contender and he was the best player in the league over that stretch.
Without him, they are the worst team in the league and will almost certainly have the top pick in the 2012 draft. Manning’s absence is the equivalent of the NBA without Kobe. The result is that the AFC is weaker than its been since 2002 and a lot less interesting.

This might seem biased since I am a Colts fan, but even Manning haters watched the Colts if only to root against him. But Manning is not the only big name out. Another AFC South team, the Houston Texans, are down to their third-string quarterback. First Matt Schaub went out for the year and now it looks like Matt Leinart is done after he played a half.

The Texans (8-3) still lead the Titans (6-5) by two games in the division and have all the tiebreakers, so I assume they will stumble into the playoffs for the first time. But they’ll be one and done without an effective quarterback. With Schaub and an improved defense, the Texans had a real Super Bowl shot. Even with Leinart they would have been dangerous, but their season will last one more game than the Colts.

With the Texans likely to struggle, look for the Patriots (8-3) and either the Ravens (8-3) or Steelers (8-3) to take the top two seeds in the AFC.

In the NFC, the Bears (7-4) were looking like the one team capable of beating the Packers (11-0). But then Jay Cutler went down and the Bears’ chances plummeted. If Cutler can come back for the playoffs, they will be dangerous but his status is still unclear. On the plus side for Chicago, their Christmas game at Green Bay is their only one remaining against a team with a winning record.

Sit him: The NFL will decide this week what punishment to give to Lions defensive lineman Ndamukong Suh, who stomped on a Packer player on national TV on Thanksgiving. I hope it’s two games. Suh is a thug and cheap-shot artist and even his teammates want him punished. A former Nebraska teammate said Suh likes hurting people. Football allows a lot of legal violence but Suh has stepped over the line way too many times.

The Lions (7-4) were a team I wanted to root for, given how awful they’ve been. But they are the league’s dirtiest team and that clearly is how they are coached. Now I hope they miss the playoffs and I predict they will. Their schedule is brutal:  They play the Vikings (2-9), a win, but their other four opponents are Oakland, Green Bay, New Orleans and San Diego. I see 9-7 and another year of no playoffs.

Idiot: Steve Johnson of the Buffalo Bills is a moron. After scoring a TD against the Jets (6-5), he mocked Jets receiver Plaxico Burress by mimicking himself shooting himself in the leg (like Burress did in real life). Hah, hah. He was penalized 15 yards for excessive celebration, giving the Jets a short field, on which they scored the tying TD.

What’s worst, Johnson dropped what might have been a TD late in the game that would have given the Bills (5-6) a comeback win. Instead, it was the Bills’ fourth-straight loss, 28-24, and they are done for 2011.

The Jets are still very much in the wild card race, trailing the 7-4 Bengals. New York has a slight schedule edge, with only one game against a team with a winning record. The Bengals have three, though one is against crippled Houston. It will be a close race down the stretch.

Done: So much for the Dream Team. After losing to the Patriots, the Eagles are 4-7 and realistically out of the NFC playoff race. What a comedown from July, when the Eagles were signing big name free agents and adopted a Super Bowl or Bust stance. Well, they’ve crapped out big time, and will have a major quarterback issue heading into 2012, since it’s apparent Michael Vick is not the answer. He gets hurt way too much from his style of play and has never been a consistent passer.

How bout them Cowboys? Dallas (7-4) has won four in a row and have at worst a tie for first in the NFC East pending the outcome of Monday’s Saints-Giants game. Dallas has two game left against the Giants, which will decide the division. The Cowboys have not had a winning record in December since 2001, so nothing is certain in Big D.

Hot player of the week: Chad Hall, backup wide receiver for the Eagles caught my eye. Hall played college football at Air Force and signed with the Eagles last week.  He’s only 5-8, but a solid 187 pounds.

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When other players and coaches, like Randy Moss and Bill Belichick, have made hasty exits after losses it’s been big news. Some of the same publications who chastise other people for doing it were making excuses for Manning; And you have to search the nooks and crannies of the Web to find out that Manning refused to shake the hands of the players who beat him. Pretty classless of the reigning NFL MVP.

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But one comment had me both laughing and saying WTF for its sheer idiocy — Manning was chosen because he’s gay:

this is crap and not only that is there is a very good chance the NFL is rigging awards towards someone who might be a homosexual! and I sure as hell don’t want a gay role model for my children, nothing wrong with gays but I sure as heck ain;t want no gay children running around my hood popping bones when taking snaps…….

Wow, I follow the Colts and even I didn’t know Manning was on our team. I am sure this news will have Cyd rushing to jump on the Colts bandwagon.

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Complete picture after the jump.

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The Colts won because of the brilliance of QB Peyton Manning, who had all of 13 plays in the second half. Yet he used the limited time to run off a six-play, 79-yard drive and a four-play, 80-yard drive (that took 32 seconds) in the fourth quarter, both resulting in touchdowns. Miami, meanwhile, self-destructed when it counted.

On their next-to-last possession, the Dolphins strangely played for a field goal and a 23-20 lead instead of aggressively going for a first down and a game-ending score that would have left the Colts little time to respond; this was a team that was creative on offense all night, then got conservative at the wrong time. After Manning led the Colts to the go-ahead score (when the Dolphins stupidly played man coverage), the Dolphins then took 78 seconds to run off two plays and gain six yards prior to the two-minute warning; that’s incompetence and Coach Tony Sprano admitted his team had the wrong personnel in.

This bungling of the clock and burning all three timeouts forced the Dolphins to do what they don’t do well — score quickly. They had two Hail Mary passes in the end zone; the first went off Ted Ginn’s hands (on what would have been a tough catch) and the second was intercepted. Ball game over. So on a night where Miami had done everything right for the first 56 minutes, they did everything wrong in the final four. That’s why the Colts are 2-0 and the Dolphins 0-2.

After two weeks, the NFL season is rocking. There have been six prime-time games, all coming down to the final seconds and the margin of victory has been 3, 6, 1, 4, 2 and 4. With no dominant team and emerging stars like Mark Sanchez, Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco, along with the likes of Manning and Adrian Peterson, it has the makings of a memorable year.

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