Olympian: Why gay jocks don’t come out

February 15th, 2010 · 29 Comments

I asked a friend of mine, who is gay and who competed in the 2006 Winter Olympics and who is a member of the National Guard, why he thought there were so few out athletes in Vancouver. His reply was so interesting and articulate, I asked him if I could post it here.

He is insightful about what keeps Olympians in the closet, “crushes” in the Olympic village, parallels to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and even some advice for Bode Miller about getting to bed early before his race:

By A Former Winter Olympian

I don’t think much has changed within Olympic sport since I competed in 2006, despite Matthew Mitcham winning gold in 2008. Sport and the military are the last vestiges of homophobic, conservative tradition in Western culture.

Whereas the military could be made less homophobic by policy (if someone got around to doing that), sport is a disparate and complex network of organizations, sponsors, and athletes that span the globe, whose values can’t be changed by decree.

Much more importantly, Olympic sport has firmly reached its goal of becoming a business. The Winter iteration reached that milestone with the 2002 Salt Lake City Games. Results are paramount above all else.

While you may see humanitarian causes, like environmentalism and pacifism, and the Coubertin quote, “The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part,” continually espoused by the IOC, much of this is driven by PR gurus who believe that these causes enhance the Olympic brand. For some reason, social causes like gay rights are not as readily taken up by the Olympic movement. It’s too thorny.

Being an athlete who is gay may not elicit outright harassment as likely occurred in the past, but it may be perceived by the athlete as a distraction from results. Athletes who are gay have nothing material to gain by coming out publicly. And as an athlete, you must think about things in terms of their utility, especially because sport is now both financially and athletically competitive. No longer is it just, “What else can I do to get that extra edge?” The mantra now becomes, “What else can I do to appease and win over sponsors?”

While it may seem from the outside that coming out would generate a lot of publicity, I feel that that kind of media attention would be falsely earned, that it wouldn’t be garnered for my athletic success, but for my sexuality. There is a strong dislike held by many elite athletes for the “human interest” stories that come around every Olympics. I think that this sentiment within my Olympic team made me focus completely on my training and results, so that I could earn that media coverage as an athlete, not as a gay man.

I have met several other gay athletes in the years since Torino (a few of them who will be competing in Vancouver), who share this sentiment. I e-mailed several of them to check on whether they’ll be making their sexuality public or not. None of them had as of a few weeks ago, but one was still debating whether the extra media attention was worth the additional stress of having that media distraction during the Games while he’s trying to win a medal in speedskating.

After receiving a media inquiry, I considered coming out in the weeks leading up to these Games as a gay-soldier-Olympian, hoping that it might finally bring gay issues into the consciousness of Olympic sport and further the fight against Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. However, I thought about how distracting that could have been to my former teammates, who are going after medals with the odds against them, and decided against it.

Consider another angle: The lifestyle of an Olympic athlete who trains hundreds of hours a year, for upwards of a decade, travels 300 days or more per year, living each week in a new country for a camp or race series, and all the while, focused completely on one goal often years in the future.

This is not conducive to a relationship. I thought I was the only gay athlete who felt like this, but apparently, it’s pretty common for many of us to hold out on figuring out our sexuality until after we’re done competing. Many of my straight teammates also don’t seem to really get into serious relationships until they near retirement, simply because of the distance factor.

I didn’t formally meet any other gay athletes at the Games in Torino, though I certainly did have some Olympic Village crushes. There was one particular snowboarder who I remember exchanging glances with every day. The public seems to imagine that the Olympic Villages are just non-stop parties. I don’t think you’ll find a gathering of people anywhere else that consistently has a 9 p.m. bedtime than at an Olympic Village. When you’re competing at the Games, too many people have put too much time and energy into your performances to blow that chance partying it up. (Bode, take note.)

Editor’s note: Ryan Quinn is a former collegiate cross-country skier (who was out to his team) and he still keeps in touch with fellow winter sport athletes. He has vouched for identity of this former Olympian and I trust Ryan 100%. Since there is some confusion: Ryan is not the Olympian, he is the post’s author; the Olympian is anonymous, as we thought was clear.

There are almost no publicly gay athletes at the Winter Olympics that we know of (Johnny Weir is another subject). My original note said none were open, but commenters have set me straight. Cyd and I have each heard rumors that a dozen gay Olympians will come out in Vancouver. Don’t hold your breath — there’s a better chance that Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster will win pairs skating. –Jim Buzinski

By Ryan Quinn

Tags: Gay · Media

29 responses so far ↓

1 Albert // Feb 15, 2010 at 4:32 am

Actually, two Olympians already came out: Ireen Wüst (speed skating) and Sanne van Kerkhof (short track). And they are probably the first (?) gay couple in an Olympic village.

Could you please let me know when Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster will be skating?
2 Albert // Feb 15, 2010 at 5:09 am

Oh, I forgot: Renate Groenewold (speed skating) is also out. I guess we just do not make a fuss about it in The Netherlands.
3 Ted // Feb 15, 2010 at 6:21 am

The IOC will never support that. They have enough issues with African and Muslim countries as it is.

The networks don’t want to talk about sexuality, we already saw that with Mitcham. And he’d probably have more money from sponsorships if he weren’t out as well.
4 kujhawker // Feb 15, 2010 at 8:38 am

A friend of mine who lives in Colorado was telling me about this Olympic athelete who was gay. How does he know? Well besides being hit on by this guy has seen him numerous times out and about and has seen him kissing his boyfriend. This individual is not publicly out but also doesn’t lead a closeted life.

People know but like keep it to themselves, some because the believe one should not out someone it should be their choice, others to not detract from the athelete.

I think it will become harder for gays in the future to live a gay life yet still keep it private. So I think we will see a change and our lives get more and more public.
5 DR // Feb 15, 2010 at 9:01 am

More anonymous gossip, Jim? C’mon. Aren’t we better than this?
6 Mike // Feb 15, 2010 at 9:41 am

Some of these anonymous pieces are becoming more and more tiresome. There is a popular school of thought that everyone should be able to come out at the their own time and pace. I only partially agree with that position.

For a young gay person isolated in a small, remote town who is struggling to understand and cope with his/her sexuality I completely agree with the sentiment.

Conversely I struggle to be supportive of the long-term closeted gay person who for years has participated and taken advantage of the “out” gay community of bars/clubs, sports leagues, neighborhoods, etc., but has never come out to straight friends, coworkers and family members.
7 canmark // Feb 15, 2010 at 10:50 am

While I can certainly understand why an athlete might not want the distraction of a big coming out announcement during or immediately preceding the Olympics, is it not possible to come out (quietly) in the years leading up to the Olympics? If one was already out, then there would be much less of a story.

Further, wouldn’t keeping one’s partner and social life hidden be tougher than being able to publicly have their support? We see so many athletes with cheering parents, friends, partners/spouses… these people give them great support. But if a gay athlete is hiding their strongest supporters, might that not negatively impact their performance?

The writer suggests that there is a strong dislike by athletes for “human interest” stories… but is that a reason to hide them? For example, Canada’s first home gold medal was won by Alexandre Bilodeau. His brother has cerebral palsy. That clearly has the making of an Olympic “feel good” story: athlete supported by his disabled brother. And guess who we saw front and centre cheering for Bilodeau during his race: the brother! This human interest story was not a distraction, but great inspiration. And I’m sure if we saw an LGBT athletes’s supportive friends, family and partners, we would be equally inspired.

In the end, nobody’s forcing anybody to come out when they’re not ready. But athletes, people whose dedication and discipline and hard work make them different from the average person. We might expect that they would have emotional strength–in addition to their obvious physical strengths–that can handle the pros and cons, the ups and downs, of being a publicly out ‘famous’ person.
8 sportinlife // Feb 15, 2010 at 11:00 am

One quote from what the closeted “Former Winter Olympian” said especially strikes me as critical: “However, I thought about how distracting that could have been to my former teammates, who are going after medals with the odds against them, and decided against it.” We don’t want to force others to be ‘out’ gay-friendy.
9 Joetx // Feb 15, 2010 at 12:12 pm

I hope this guy is wrong about the athletes disliking the human interest stories. Besides the competitions themselves & the opening ceremony, they’re my favorite part of the Olympics. If you don’t get a lump in your throat or a bit misty-eyed after watching them, you’ve got a heart of stone.
10 lacharlie13 // Feb 15, 2010 at 1:17 pm

a very good article! Being desdended upon by cable news is enough to keep anyone wary of coming out
11 SFTom // Feb 15, 2010 at 1:25 pm

The author’s point makes sense: athletes focus on their athletic performance, not on side issues like their sexuality. That’s really what the Olympics should be about, anyway.
12 CP // Feb 15, 2010 at 1:43 pm

@Albert
Gro Hammerseng and Katja Nyberg competed on the Norwegian Handball team in Beijing in 2008 and they are a couple. Gro Hammerseng is actually the team captian.

There are also a number of other out Lesbian athletes, at least two hockey players (one from Canada and one from Sweden, I think) and a Nordic Skiier, I believe.
13 Albert // Feb 15, 2010 at 2:59 pm

@CP
Cool! I did not know that. And when we talk summer Olympics there is also the swimmer Johan Kenkhuis, a silver medallist in 2004.
14 Jim Buzinski // Feb 15, 2010 at 3:12 pm

We have mentioned all these Summer Olympians before. And I need to check on the lesbians mentioned in the Winter. Thanks for posting them. Seems these women are so out that no one has bothered to make it a big deal.

Men are still the ones who won’t come out. Women, especially those from Western/Northern Europe, seem to have an easier time.
15 Albert // Feb 15, 2010 at 3:15 pm

@Jim
I guess you are right about it being easier for women than for men, but why is that? Is it easier for the public to accept a ’strong’ lesbian because it fits the picture better than a ’strong’ gay guy? I wonder.
16 Jaron B // Feb 15, 2010 at 3:29 pm

365Gay actually lists four out lesbian competitors at this Olympics. Check it out. As for gay men competing, I can understand not wanting to rock the boat but, c’mon, SOMEONE has got to have the courage to do it. Making it to the Olympics gives an athlete a wonderful opportunity to make a difference - a real difference. Things won’t get better as long as each athlete puts his own agenda before striking a blow for equality. Raised fist, anyone?
17 Jim Buzinski // Feb 15, 2010 at 4:18 pm

“I guess you are right about it being easier for women than for men, but why is that?”

Stereotypes. Women athletes have long been labeled lesbians, while it’s not possible for a gay man to be an athlete (since gay men aren’t masculine). This still persists to a large degree. This is why 4 out lesbians in Vancouver causes a yawn, while 4 men would be a big deal.
18 Terry // Feb 15, 2010 at 7:30 pm

I agree Jim. It’s the same as out gay men in a Broadway production. No one is really surprised. Ah well.
19 JAMES // Feb 16, 2010 at 1:35 am

The military and the Olympic committee will not let gays turn their organizations into the typical “big gay parade” complete with public deep throat kissing, which I might ad the straights don’t really do alot of, and drag queens in the opening ceremonies, and parades, etc………I for one and glad, I’m sick of gays and their “in your face” antics making it so hard for us few normal gays.
20 Daijhi // Feb 16, 2010 at 6:53 am

I spent 10 years as a national team trainer/manager (Nepal) One of my athletes was gay but he could never ‘come out’ simply because the National Olympic Committee and the Ski Association would immediately drop him from the team. In other words gay athletes might be ok in figure skating but they don’t fit the commercial image of the ‘tough guy’ sports like skiing - so the sponsors don’t want them and neither does the sport.

We think that discrimination is illegal - but the IOC and the world of sport is openly discriminating against gay people all the time.

There is a growing ‘Anti Olympic’ movement (see demonstrations in Vancouver) and corruption, athlete abuse and sexual discrimination are all issues involved in it.
21 Gord // Feb 16, 2010 at 1:11 pm

There is another thing to consider with athleles and being gay. They travel a lot. They travel to countries that don’t have the same level of acceptance as other nations.
They are also broke most of the time are billeted in houses with friends of the sporting community. Not all are going to be happy about hosting a gay person in their house.
It is a distraction that is best set aside and left in the closet until a later date when they are not competing anymore.
22 God Loves Gays // Feb 16, 2010 at 3:25 pm

I’d think that getting kicked out of the military would be a stronger factor in staying in the closet than distracting former teammates at this point. I guess it makes sense, but aren’t we talking about some of the most competitive, focused, and driven people on the planet? Plus, two words are golden when asked about other people’s business/distractions: “No comment”.
23 Daijhi // Feb 16, 2010 at 7:47 pm

I think this issue is much the same as the struggle for Jewish and Black rights in the last century. Gay people don’t choose to be Gay. Therefore society has no right to choose to give discrimination against them. And the IOC is no exception.

Any host or sponsor that would give accommodation or equipment to straight athletes but not to gay athletes should be banned from involvement in sport.

And my gay athlete was as tough, as brave and as strong as any other in the team. Any basis for discrimination is therefore completely insane.
24 mark // Feb 17, 2010 at 9:49 am

@gay acceptance in IOC etc.

Remember these athletes at times have to visit countries were Laws still exist against homosexual activities.

@James … Exactly!! Gay people especially Men tend to use public deep throat kissing as a method of protest tending to lessen acceptance than help it.
If there were more examples of “I’m a ____ person who happens to be gay” rather than defining themselves as “a Gay person who happen to ____” things would go better as well.

Look at actors of color who have taken that stance and how well it has worked.
25 terry // Feb 18, 2010 at 10:34 pm

daijhi, I’m sorry but I disagree with you. If you’re comparing the struggles of ethnic people, Jews, or women to gay and lesbian rights you’re mistaken because those experiences are totally different. Most gay and lesbian people don’t wear their identities on their sleeve. Ethnic people and women cannot hide their identity and thus are usually judged by appearances, something most gay people, especially white gay men, will never experience. I’m not saying that homophobia is less important than anti-semitism, sexism, or racism; I just don’t think to compare them is fair.
26 david // Feb 20, 2010 at 5:40 am

jim & cyd… “Cyd and I have each heard rumors that a dozen gay Olympians will come out in Vancouver. Don’t hold your breath — there’s a better chance that Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster will win pairs skating.” …perhaps it be fairer to say that we don’t expect to see or hear about any openly GLBT US athletes in Vancouver… and that even if there were one or two, NBC would never ever tell us about them.
27 jp // Feb 25, 2010 at 10:49 pm

I have heard some athletes, gay and straight, talk about coming out as a distraction.

When I came out to my football team the QB said he felt it was a distraction. But it’s not. I am more relaxed on the field now that I am open, and my performance is better.

Being gay and a football player is motivating. I get to practice both intimacy with men and hitting guys hard. And I’m open about it all.

Worth it for me.
28 Jake Jackson // Mar 10, 2010 at 6:52 am

Everyone ought to be able to manage his or her own coming out process, period. But since it’s being discussed here, I get to have an opinion, so here it is.

By the time you compete in the Olympics, you’re an adult. If you’re afraid to come out of the closet, I sympathize with you. But please don’t hide behind a wall of excuses. Call it what it really is: fear.
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[...] are part of any Olympic athlete’s experience, let alone a gay or lesbian Olympian’s experience. This article discusses this issue with a closeted gay male [...]