Welcome back to Talkin’ Gaysball where Five Tool Players should always be All Stars.
With MLB about to kick off its annual All-Star week festivities, I thought this would be a good time to take a look at a few of the names on Saturday’s Celebrity Softball Game roster:
Myke Towers
Dani Austin
Get off the sidelines and into the game
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Foreign Teck
West Wilson
Bobby Bones
I have no idea who any of these people are. So it’s time to play America’s new favorite game: are they D-listers or am I just an Old?
As evidence for the latter choice, if you showed me that list of names and asked me to identify where they came from, my first guess would be an uncomfortably long pause followed by “…Peter Sellers characters?” Because I turned 80 the day I was born.
Here’s one especially notable absence from the roster: LGBTQ sports figures.
Which is a shame because there’s one prominent gay athlete who can absolutely match his nationwide fame against that of a Garrett Hilbert or a Jenna Bandy.
You can argue that the Celebrity Softball Game would have been the perfect venue for Anthony Bowens.
He certainly has.
Not only is Bowens one of the most popular wrestlers in the country with enough personality to connect with any crowd, he legitimately knows how to swing a bat and it would’ve been a thrill to see how far he could hit a softball.
Bowens is also one of the most prominent and uplifting LGBTQ figures in sports. His coming out story could’ve added a unique angle to the event.
This year, it would also have been especially significant to invite an out gay athlete considering the All- Star Game is being hosted by the Pride-allergic Texas Rangers. It could’ve also been an opportunity to create a special moment if AEW fans started the “HE’S GAY” chant echoing throughout Globe Life Field.
More’s the pity because not only can Bowens play the game, he’s also a super-knowledgeable fan. When he recently appeared on MLB Network, he turned Giants trivia into a squash match.
As someone whose Immaculate Grid is routinely filled with names like Kirt Manwaring and Atlee Hammaker, all I can say is: scissor me, fellow nerd.
But perhaps Bowens’ best MLB moment happened when he inserted himself into the Washington Nationals Presidents Race during Pride month…
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Yes, that’s the former AEW Tag Team Champion taking out The Father of Our Country with a chair. As most historians would note, Bowens was also doing a spot-on impression of Benedict Arnold.
Talk all you want about Francisco Lindor or Christian Walker, Bowens is the biggest All-Star snub of 2024. It turns out everyone loves The Acclaimed except Rob Manfred.
A Tradition Unlike Any Other
Every year around this time, the city of Pittsburgh hosts Anthrocon, one of the biggest annual events in the furry community.
Since 2014, when the Pirates have been playing at home during the week of Anthrocon, Bucco legend Andrew McCutchen commemorates the occasion with a simple one word tweet…
As MLB.com’s Justice delos Santos noted last season, McCutchen then plays during Anthrocon week as if his fursona were a Dr. Moreau-esque hybrid of Roberto Clemente and Honus Wagner, slashing an absurd .419/.479/.742 after making his annual “Furries” post.
“The Power of the furries. The power of Anthrocon. Something about it, I guess,” McCutchen mused.
Unfortunately this year, Cutch went a mere 1 for 11 during Anthrocon. But with a luminary like him, there’s always hope he might have a little bit more in the tank. Somebody let him know that The Pirate Parrot is a full-time furry 81 games a year.
MLB Thirst Trap of the Week
When you think of the All-Star Game rosters, the first faces you usually picture in your mind are Ohtani, Judge, Harper, and Soto.
This year, it’s time you met Guardians first time All Star David Fry.
Credit: Ken Blaze-USA TODAY Sports
Those eyes. That scruff. That gaze. Fry might not be a household name but if you ranked the All Stars based on wRSC+ (Weighted Right Swipes Created), he’d be the unanimous MVP.
Plus he plays DH, outfield, first base, third base, and catcher. So his official position is Verse.
