Taylor Swift watches the action during the first half of the NFL opener between the Baltimore Ravens and the Kansas City Chiefs at Arrowhead Stadium. | Jay Biggerstaff-Imagn Images

Welcome back to Talkin’ Gaysball where NFL Kickoff is but a momentary distraction from Pirates vs. Nationals.

Yesterday’s NFL opening game between the Baltimore Ravens and Kansas City Chiefs marked the reappearance of the NFL’s biggest star: Taylor Swift. 

If that sounds like hyperbole, consider that Swift appears in the NFL’s new “FOOTBALL IS BACK” hype montage five times in 28 seconds. The only place where she gets more screentime than a Chiefs game is The “Eras Tour” movie.

Swift’s relationship with Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce is still the talk of the sports world — and this is a good thing. But as Your Friendly Neighborhood Baseball Gay, I‘m here to remind you that historically speaking, our sport has been an even bigger haven for gay icons. 

Baseball’s diva lineup boasts star power and depth. Consider that our leadoff hitter is none other than…

Marilyn Monroe

The “Some Like It Hot” star was not just the face who launched a thousand Snatch Game impressions, she also caused a nationwide furor comparable to the Swift/Kelce phenomenon in 1952 when America learned that she was seeing Joe DiMaggio.

Their courtship began when DiMaggio came across a newspaper photo of Monroe in a baseball uniform and decided he had to meet her.

Apparently in the 50s, even straight people’s kinks had to be All-American.

When the power couple got married in January 1954, paparazzi swarmed them as they emerged from San Francisco City Hall.

Monroe briefly detoured from their honeymoon to do a show for the troops in Korea. The story goes that when she returned, she told DiMaggio, “Joe, you never heard such cheering!”

He replied, “Yes I have.” 

It was the first and last interesting thing DiMaggio ever said. 

Their marriage lasted only nine months as the Yankee Clipper turned out to be a miserable dullard and cruel husband. Even so, the relationship between the legendary star and the Baseball Hall of Famer fascinated the country to the point that authors were still writing books about it decades later.

Madonna

In the 1990s, there were two scandals that rocked America: steroids in sports and anything Madonna did.

So it’s no surprise that the Material Girl brought those worlds together and reportedly attempted to hook up with Jose Canseco.

According to Canseco’s account, in 1991, the former MVP was invited to her Manhattan apartment with his agent. After some awkward small talk, Madonna asked to speak with Canseco alone and tried to seduce the slugger by playing him a clip from her racy concert film “Truth or Dare.”

Canseco got weirded out and left for the ballpark. And he actually got off easy once you realize she could have made him watch “Shanghai Surprise.”

Decades later, he tweeted a photo of himself escaping and recalled, “I showed up late for batting practice and Tony LaRussa almost benched me.”

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If all Madonna got out of her pursuit of Canseco was making LaRussa miserable, she still deserved to get MVP votes.

After Canseco retired, he admitted in his autobiography to taking steroids and spreading them throughout the game. At the same time, Madonna had moved on to allegedly dating Alex Rodríguez.

Some people just have a type.

Mariah Carey

Derek Jeter played the last half of his career with A-Rod which meant he had to learn how to partner with a diva.

Fortunately for the Captain, he was prepared for the experience thanks to a brief late-90s romantic fling with Mariah Carey.

Toward the end of her unhappy marriage with a record executive, Carey began texting Jeter after meeting him at a dinner party and the two eventually shared a “clandestine kiss” on a rooftop.

Carey later revealed that this moment inspired her song “The Roof” and testified that “My All” was also about the Yankee shortstop.

So when you belt out a Mariah tune, it’s worth remembering that there’s a non-zero chance you’re also singing about Jeter. In light of that revelation, it’s genuinely surprising she didn’t record a song called “Any Season That Doesn’t End in a Championship is a Failure” or “Just Grateful to Mr. Steinbrenner.”

After much exhausting NYC tabloid coverage, Carey and Jeter amicably went their separate ways.

Which made sense. As Jeter’s defensive stats demonstrate, he wasn’t the best match with anyone known for their range.

MLB Thirst Trap of the Week

At this point in the year, it feels like someone from the Oakland A’s should win Player of the Week just for refusing to call in sick.

But Lawrence Butler embarked on a nine game extra base hit streak and earned it the old fashioned way.

Imagine how much better your dating life would be if you possessed the level of self confidence required to flex for the camera while wearing an honest-to-god Oakland A’s uniform. We should all be Lawrence Butler.